Blueberry Somersaults
by apollonialust
Summary: Small town love creates an awakening that Olivia Pope could have never imagined. AU
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I just wanted to say this is very new to me I have never written fan fiction. I'm more of a poetry and short story writer. Be gentle with me I haven't written in an awful long time so I'm a bit rusty. I hope I did these characters justice.

(All belongs to Shonda Rhimes which seems a bit depressing since Scandal is all over the place now.)

Olivia Pope lives. Her hometown was much like every little town. It had very little to offer young people. She spent her awkward summers against the sugar maple tree, soft slow jazz music coming outside her window. She hummed to the lush beat. She kept his letter in the back of overalls. It was searing her flesh or was it her heart. Her nose tucked inside her favorite novel The Bluest Eye. How could anyone understand that this perfect novel kept her alive? She nearly lost herself in the words of Toni Morrison. So she reads because reading keeps her from falling apart. She doesn't tell anyone that she never knew her father because he was gone before she took her first breath. She feels foolish yearning for a father who's clearly forgotten her. Her very own mother locked away inside her own mind. She visits her when she can at Rainbow Mental Facility. There is her Grandmother who took her in when she was just a delicate fragile toddler looking for normal. Normal? When has her life ever been normal?

She dips her pointer finger into the blueberry jam and wraps her tongue around the sticky substance. The flavor makes her taste buds swoon. She smiles thanking God for the jam makers of the world. It would seem odd an 18 year old girl stuffing jam into her mouth, but for Olivia Pope it is home. It is her Grandmother sweet lemon a biscuit on Sunday, lilac butterflies that lie lazily on her fingertips and its Fitzgerald Grant. Fitzgerald Fucking Grant the boy wreaking havoc over her heartstrings. Olivia Pope doesn't do boys or anyone in particular. She prefers the expansive solitude of her mind. It's easier this way not letting anyone in, she calls it her Chinese wall but Fitzgerald Grant is different. She is reminded of the note he left casually on her desk in British Literature. She could not stop the smile that curved her face. His words opened up magical parts of her she didn't know existed. Those parts scared her they forced her to feel something besides the aching loneliness that's been her foe. He is beautiful she will admit that to herself his impossibly tanned skin, the delicate cerulean blue eyes that reminded her of an imaginary heaven and his curls. Those chocolate curls that she just wants to run her fingers through. It isn't just his looks he's a sensitive person. She knew she was in trouble when she saw him strumming his acoustic guitar outside Tucker High School. She knew inside of him was a raging pain too. Only he didn't run away from it. She heard it in his deep baritone voice when he sung those tragic lyrics to the air. He's never said one word to her since moving to Lakeview Terrace a month ago but the neatly folded letter found itself on her desk.

She pulls the letter out her pocket she opens it and the words leave her literally breathless for the hundredth time. She's counted this would be read 100. She traces the letters with her fingertips. She's startled when she hears footsteps coming towards her. She clumsily stuffs the letter back into her pocket. Before she can even resume her reading there is Fitz with his hands thrown in his pockets. His smile leaves her reeling. Her heart blushes and she let's herself smile and all the broken parts in her began to bloom.

He asks. "Care for some company? "

She nods. She finds herself speechless around him. She's surrounded by him his woodsy scent, those stellar teeth and his lips. His lips will be the death of her. What is happening this isn't Olivia Pope. She does not get flustered around pretty boys who leave love letters on her desk.

"What are you reading?" He picks up the worn book and a curious look covers his face.

"The Bluest Eye have you ever heard of it?"

He nods. "I think so. I definitely know who Toni Morrison is."

Her voice is a soft whisper. "Really? I think her words saved me."

She doesn't know why she says such a thing to him. She hardly knows him, but there is a pull that she can't deny.

He smiles. "I read Beloved at my old school, pretty heavy stuff. I take it this is your favorite book.

She gives a sheepish grin. "Totally. My grandmother bought it for me at a garage sale. I take it everywhere I go. It's like a part of me know."

Another slip what has come over her? Has her Chinese wall magically evaporated or was she just waiting for the moment to finally open up.

"What was it about this book "?

"Before I knew when it was written I thought Toni Morrison wrote this book for me." She laughs. "Now I know she just wrote something for people like me and Pecola Breedlove is such a tragic little thing. There is a part in the book when she asks for blues eyes and I literally think my heart erupted. I was crying so loud that Nanny came into the room."

She finds herself going back to that precious moment when she first opened the pages of that masterpiece. She remembers writing in journal all night she couldn't all her thoughts under control.

"Olivia Pope I think you are in love." Fitz acknowledges.

She shifts and really looks at him. He's too perfect and she doesn't want to admit it but she's keeping this moment packed away in a safe place in her heart.

"So Fitz do you have a favorite book?"

"Of course! It would honestly have to be James Baldwin's If Beale Street Could Talk."

Her hearts crumples then beats back to life again.

"That's my second favorite book. I stole it from the school library."

He laughs. "Olivia Pope the brainy theft."

"I had to have it. I just couldn't return it without feeling all melancholy. " She defends

He takes a strand of her hair. He seems to marvel at the soft lush dark brown ringlets.

"How does your hair get like this, it almost to perfect. You are too perfect.

He blushes and so does she.

"It's not that magical. I just wash it put a little shea butter on it. It's really no big deal. It's just hair.

"Your wrong, but I don't care. I was scared to talk to you. You seemed a bit intense.

"I'm not intense. I just prefer to stay to myself."

"Defense mechanism maybe."

"Are you a psychiatrist?" She jokes half heartily

He burst into delightful giggles. Why is she so calm? Why is he so damn charming.

"When I thought of talking to you for the first time I just knew that when you're opened your mouth fire would come out."

"You're a mess and I'm not a fire breathing dragon. I'm just Olivia Carolyn Pope."

She feels his fingertips against her cheek she leans into it. Her heart is pure feathers now.

"Olivia, such a pretty name for a pretty girl."

The moon was born in his fingertips and his seem to be a ocean that she's afraid she will drown in. She doesn't comprehend why her eyes have glossed over or why her hands are sweaty. All of it is simply foreign and for a miniscule moment she is frightened. She's frightened by what she sees in his eyes, his eyes that seem to hold sonnets and perfect limericks. This is what it feels like to fall apart in the most delicious way. God help her.

Her next words come out in a whimper." I'm afraid of you. "

Her inner voice is telling her to shut the fuck up now and leave this luscious boy alone. He will destroy you, but she doesn't listen because she feels alive. She is breathing and she hasn't opened her lungs this wide in a very long time.

"I'm afraid of you too, because this all is such a new thing and I'm being terribly bold with you. I've known you less than forty days, but it all seems like kismet."

She weakens caution is definitely thrown out the window. Why was it so easy for her to break?

"Damn you are and your way with words. If I could marry half of the sentences that come out your mouth I would be one very lucky woman."

"You are so dreamy."

He is writing love notes on her lungs and now she can't breathe. He kisses her forehead and something swirls inside her heart it feels like a volcano.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: So I'm back and it doesn't seem so scary now. I just want to say I'm very grateful for the few of you that have read this story. I wasn't expecting much so I am very humble. I'm not exactly feeling this chapter I think I rushed it a bit. Happy Reading! Hope you enjoy!

She scurries into the house her Nanny quietly humming a bluesy croon of Etta James. She recognizes the song and hums along. Olivia thinks Nanny's beauty doesn't fade but it doesn't rival the beauty of her youth. The gentle small woman that is her refuge would stop the earth for Olivia Pope. Olivia remembers that she carried her home when she chipped her tooth after falling off her bike. She remembers the woman who had to commit her only child to a mental hospital. Nanny looks up and smiles.

"What you doing Livvie? Are you hungry, I made some fine chicken noodle soup. "

Olivia scrunches her noise the thought of steaming chicken noodle makes her sweat.

"Nanny its way too hot for soup."

"Nonsense soup is good any weather."

Olivia stands idly against the door frame she feels her inside turning. The sparkling forehead kiss that Fitz gave her causes her to subtly rub her forehead. She is smiling brightly all over again. She remembers what she came into the house for.

"Nanny I have a friend."'  
Nanny looks at Olivia giving her a meaningful stare. She's never seen her so flustered. A smile forms on her lips.

"Who's the boy Livvie?"

Olivia is startled how did she know was she that obvious.

"Who says it's a boy? It could easily be a girl I am a very personable person." She stammers over her words.

Nanny just grins.

"Just invite the boy I promise I won't bite him."

"You promise?" Olivia walks near the stove taking Nanny's hand.

"I will be an angel for my little angel." She kisses her cheek.

"Great! He went to his house to grab something. He should be back in five minutes."

Nanny nods. "I think my little Livvie has caught the love bug strong."  
"Nanny please can you just be a sweet old lady for five minutes. I promise you won't lose any cool points."

A cackle floods out of her mouths. She cups Olivia's face.

"Did my grandchild just call me an old lady? That word is forbidden in this house. You remember what we said."

Olivia nods begrudgingly. "You are not old but elegant decadence."

"Amen the only thing old about me is the very tired apron I have on. "

Olivia changes the subject. "How was work Nanny your feet ok? "

"Just fine you would think my feet would have fallen off by now how long I've been on them all these years."

"You're a nurse Nanny. People depend on you to stand on your feet, but please don't forget to take care of you. "

"Listen to you Livvie sounding like an old woman!"

Olivia takes a seat and Nanny resume stirring the soup.

Nanny clears her throat. "When are you going to see your mother again? She asked about you I'm running out of excuses."

Olivia doesn't really know what to say she doesn't really have a reason. She spent five years of her life with her mother before her Nanny took her in. She doesn't know the woman they stares blankly at her in those confined white walls.

"Nanny I'm afraid of seeing her in that place. It makes me think I will be there too like whatever that's inside of her I inherited it too. "

Nanny stops her stirring. Olivia stares back at her.

"I understand but she's your mother and maybe one day her mind will stop fighting her, but you are the only thing she has to live for. If you just abruptly stop seeing her then what does she have left? "

Olivia sighs does it make her awful to admit that she never saw Maya Pope as her mother that Eleanora Sapphire James has always been her mother.

"Nanny, that isn't far. I didn't ask for any of this. I didn't ask for a mother who's being tormented by the voices in her head and a dad who wouldn't know me if we crossed paths on the street. She's gotten worse and I'm here trying not to be scared of a woman who looks like my carbon copy. "

The knock at the door gives Olivia her out. She leaps form the table nearly sprinting to the front door. She smoothes down her hair and tries to appear as normal as possible. She opens the door and there is Fitz with his guitar and his backpack.

Olivia's smile is like complete and utter sunshine.

"Are moving in?" She jokes

"If you let me." He returns.

She pulls him into the house and leads him to the kitchen. Nanny is seated at the table blowing away the steam form her soup. Olivia clears her throat and Nanny peers up at them.

Olivia voice is a whisper. "Nanny this is Fitz, my friend."

Nanny wipes her hands on her apron and stands. She gets a really good look at Fitz. Olivia hands go clammy again she knows if Nanny doesn't approve this could be the end of a burgeoning friendship.

"So you are the person that has my Livvie acting all frazzled."  
"Nanny!" Olivia whines.

"Ok, I'll be good. I'm Livvie's grandmother you can call me Ms. Eleanora or Nanny either one is approiate."

Olivia watches their exchange her heart is booming. Fitz takes her Nanny hand and kisses it. Olivia nearly faints. She closes her eyes and waits to hear the slap that will definitely be landed on Fitz's right cheek. Instead what she hears is a bundle of girlish giggles from her Nanny. Olivia opens her eyes and Nanny grabs Fitz in a brief hug.

"Livvie, honey this one is a charmer." Nanny exclaims.

Olivia entire face feels hot she takes Fitz hand and scrambles out the room.

"Nanny we are going to my room."

"No funny business you two."

Olivia pulls Fitz inside her relatively clean bright simple room. Everything is incredibly neat but books are strewn across the floor she kicks at them until they reach her bed. Olivia falls against her headboard bringing Fitz along with her. They squirm next to each other until they find a comfortable position. They look at each other and they both can't help but smile. Fitz reaches for his backpack and pulls out two books. Olivia eyes light up.

Fitz giggles. "You look possessed."  
Olivia reaches for the books but Fitz playfully puts them out of her reach.

"No fair you have a physical advantage."

"Be patient Olivia there is a story behind these two books."

Olivia pouts and crosses her arms against her chest. Fitz can't help but kiss her chin. She will never get used to this warm feeling inside her chest. It makes her completely wild.

"Fitz don't distract me." His hand lightly rested on her hair. She takes his arm and wraps it around her. This feels like evening serenity.

"Ok. The first is Kindred by Octavia Spencer its fantasy with a bit of science fiction. Is that cool?" The uncertainty on his face makes her smile.

Olivia nods she's to giddy to speak. Fitz hands her the book. She opens it and smells the pages. This is where it begins for her. The sweet mildew smell of the pages she exhales.

"Thank you Fitz."

What struck her suddenly was that she was in her bed with a boy. Olivia had never ever been with a boy before today. Sure she had harmless elementary crushes, but this was so much more. He bought her books.

His lips touch her forehead. "The next one is one my favorites it's about a real revolutionary. "

Olivia mimics a drum roll with her hands. He hands her the book. She stares at the book for what feels like an eternity. She gives Fitz a questioning look.

"Angela Davis's autobiography? Are you fucking serious do you know I searched eBay for this book for nearly a year. I could kiss you." But she doesn't kiss him she holds the book to her chest. It feels like Christmas morning. She grabs his face place the sweetest kiss against his cheek. It is all she can do because this feeling all the cascading feelings are so very new. It's a bit overwhelming and she has to calm her heart because it is hysterical.

"Fitz what school did you go to before, because I've never met a white guy who cared enough about Angela Davis to read her biography."

"Tallulah Falls it was this really liberal boarding school in Northeast Georgia. My English teacher was a black guy who said screw this curriculum."

"That sounds dope. What was boarding school like?"

"It was awful it felt like prison the kids were really spoiled entitled brats. "

"I always wanted to go to boarding school, but we couldn't afford it. How did you survive that place?"

"I didn't. I lasted a year then my parents got a divorce and my mom got a job here at North Perimeter College."

What does your mom do?"

"She's a professor and the greatest person on the entire world."

Olivia looks up and smiles at him. "Mama's boy."

He cups her face with hands. "Can I kiss you?"

Olivia can only nod, because she is wordless.

She feels the soft petals of his lips against hers. Her nails scrape the curls at the nape of his neck. She feels his tongue against her lips and she allows him in. He kisses her starry eyed. His breath, his touch that terrible and beautiful feeling that is floating inside of her pours out. All the imaginary dams that kept her heart in place drowned her. She is a girl coming undone. They break apart but only for air. His face is flushed and she can't imagine what she looks like.

"That was my first kiss." She breathed.

His smile is wide and she can't stop a smile from creeping onto her face.

"I'm not sure what this is we have between us but I want it and I don't care if I can only be your friend first. I just want to know every little thing about Olivia Carolyn Pope."

She leans against him her nose nuzzling into the space between his neck.

"You had me at, I have books!"

Sidenote: Tallulah Falls is an actual boarding school I attended for two years and it was far from liberal!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: So I'm actually now quite excited about this little story. I'm also thankful for the favorites and follows. Its great knowing people are enjoying this. I'm not a very confident writer and there is a plethora of talented writers in the Scandal fandom. I'm just happy to contribute in a minuscule way. Happy Reading! ENJOY!

(All Belongs to Shonda Rhimes,which makes me cry);(

She feels she is too young for these Billie Holiday blues, but she doesn't worry about her peculiar taste in music. The only thing on her mind is that his kisses feel like Georgia in the summertime and she is July. Her fingers are laced with his and her head is pressed against his chest. He holds her close she feels weightless in his arms. Is this what it feels like to fly? They sway to the haunting bluesy rhythms, it covers them. She clings to this music as much as her fingertips cling to him. Her dreams had been smothered, strangles and crushed. Can he rescue her from those endless dreams of dancing with her father? He kisses her again like a freshmen quarterback it feels like clouds floating across her lips. She holds the kisses in her hands.

"Do you know this song?" She kisses his neck.

He groans. "Billie Holiday I like this song it's almost like you feel the heartbreak tearing her apart."

"You're such a wordsmith. I bet you had girls swooning for you."

He shakes his head. "The exact opposite. It nearly took me a month to talk to you."

"Would you laugh if I told you I dance to this song at night all alone in the darkness of this room?"

He cups her face, "I'm going to write a song about you."

He licked a thousand Mona Lisa's against the roof of her mouth. She is left in wanderlust after those urgent kisses take hold of her she finds her voice.

"I want you to sing to me." She mumbles.

She steps out of his embrace and grabs his guitar. Her fingers skim along the delicate strings. When she touches those strings she feels she is touching the deepest parts of his spirit. She turns off the record player and hands him his guitar.

"I want you to sing to me something as sweet as cornbread." She snuggles into his chest as they collapse on her bed. She bites her lip and runs her hand through his hair. She watches his fingers strum the guitar gently it's a harmonious cacophony of notes that sound like a melodic prayer. Her heart weeps when she hears the gentle timbre of his voice. He sounds like an odd mixture between Bob Dylan and Sam Cooke. She finds herself not being able to control the trembling of her fingers. She finds herself in the gloomy melancholy lyrics. She travels inside them imprinting each syllable against her very own heartstrings. He sings about a lonely girl who finds all the pieces of herself in the eyes of a young man. He isn't her prince or savior, but just a kindred lonely soul looking for some reverie. It was like the stars splendid bright beams that electrify the galaxy. Olivia eyes water because she knows Fitzgerald Grant has just completely and utterly stolen her heart, and she doesn't want him to give it back. She had fallen so deep into a well the pit of her cried out she had never loved this quickly she had never loved at all to be honest. Sure she loved her Nanny because that love was constant and familiar, but Fitz was just a boy. He could take her heart and trample it. Why wasn't she afraid? Why didn't she push him out the door the moment he stepped inside her house the moment those pretty baby blues enchanted her. He made her heart play hopscotch. Yet there she was alone in her room body pressed against his, being lulled into a serene love shower. It all just seemed like an organic convergence. She takes her fingertips and traces his earlobe, then kisses it. Her touch feels like sun rays tickling his flesh. She doesn't stop with his ear. She sucks the slope of his neck praying to leave a mark. His voice leaves him when he feels her lovely kisses amongst his shoulder blade. She nips his clavicle with her teeth.

"Olivia." He groans.

She ignores him and reaches for the hem of his shirt. She helps him take it off. He is helpless to her assault. She stops and marvels at his chest. She licks her lips and she is sure a moan escapes her throat.

"What the hell am I doing," she murmurs, "I have you half naked in my bedroom and Nanny could walk in here any minute. Fitz you've made me a reckless woman." She amuses herself.

He grins finding his shirt and putting it back over his head. He gathers her in his arms, her head tucked under his chin.

He kisses her forehead. "We have all the time in the world Olivia."

She rubs his chest unable to not touch him."Slow and steady Fitz. That's what we will do. We won't rush this thing we will let it take us as far as it wants. There's no range on these emotions that are bubbling inside of me."

He nods."Have you ever read _Their Eyes Are Watching God?"_

She shakes her head. "No, I almost feel ashamed admitting that."

"I have a copy. I can give it to you."

She looks up at him skeptically. "Are you trying to spoil me with books, because if that's the case lets' just get married now. "

He has a silly grin on his face his eyes playful."I say we get married move to Vermont and I sing country music at a diner and you travel all the small towns of the world reading your poetry."

She giggles pulling him closer to her."Sounds like a plan," she giggles again then abruptly stops, "How did you know I write poetry?" She stares up at him.

"I don't, I just assumed a girl like you must have thousands of poems hidden somewhere inside of her or in a notebook." He explains.

She began writing poetry to run away from her dreams. She'd searched herself looking for all the beautiful ugly things that needed reckoning. She leaves his embrace and goes searching for something inside her closet. It takes sometime but she emerges with the five worn notebooks. She places them in his lap. He gives her a quizzical look. He opens the first and touches the pages feeling her sorrow on those hollowed pages. Each page is filled with her heart's confession. She is breathing hard or has she forgotten to breath?

"You wrote all of this?" He asks.

She only nods He leafs through more pages, her poetic mastery makes everything inside him stagger. He realizes Olivia is everything and nothing less. She is truly magical.

"Olivia." He says very quietly, it's a curious quietness. She doesn't anticipate what he is going to say.

"Yes?"

"I think I'm falling in love with and I'm not scared anymore."

Her breathes hitches she can't find the words. She doesn't have the perfect words to speak.

"I am too," she says with the same terrifying quietness, "I stopped being afraid a long time ago and that scares the hell out of because I'm not this person."

And he's suddenly there are tears on her face. He kisses her as her tears fall. He smiles a little smile.

"Hush. Don't say a word. I'm going to take you to my favorite diner and you will eat the sweetest sweet potatoe pie of your life."

And she smiles and he takes her hand and leads her out the bedroom. He gives her a crooked grin that makes him looks so sexy and beautiful. Olivia tells Nanny they are leaving. She's drifted off to sleep on the sofa, so Olivia leaves a note.

He squeezes her hand. "You've rode the train before right?' She slaps his arm.

"Of course silly! Nanny never learned how to drive. So, public transits is my best friend, but were saving up for a car."

He kissed her his finger knotted in her hair. It starts in a blistering fury of slow kisses but ebbs to languid wet pecks against her bottom lip. She moans in his mouth. There is a freedom to their love. Her body was tingling with an overwhelming ache. She grinds her hips into his. "Fitz," she moans, she tugs at his hair.

"We have to stop." He grunts kissing her all over her face.

"Says the person who practically just dry humped me." He smirks, she whacks his arm again.

"Like I said you make me reckless." He pulls her hand into his chest. The train station is off Midtown Street. She leans her head against his shoulder. They cross Orchard Park and find themselves headed toward Eastside River. She had never seen Fitz outside of the world that was her own. Of course she had seen him in school, but hardly ever anywhere else. He had a funny smile on his face like something heavenly had just occurred to him. They cross the sparse Huckleberry Avenue all the locals looking for a starry night to bring them luck. She holds tighter to Fitz arms he smiles down at her. Nobody paid much attention to them and no one gave them an awkward glance. She walked these streets a thousand times but she felt like everything was all an entire new discovery.

"We are almost there," he says and he leads them down Huckleberry Avenue toward Wonderland Street. They trailed along and stared for a moment at the down-home vintage shops. They slowly swaggered onto the sidewalk bliss covering their faces. Fitz led them down a secluded path until they found themselves at Indian Creek train station. Fitz checked the train schedule they arrived just in time with the train coming in five minutes. The station is very crowded with hipsters, black and white and cops with uncanny menace in their eyes. She gripped Fitz's hand a little tighter. There were throngs of teenagers on the benches chatting idly over their Iphones and Galaxies. Olivia feels dowdy in her denim patched overalls. Fitz senses her anxiety. He kisses the top of her head.

"It's just me and you Liv. No one else exists but us."

Her voice is a nervous whisper. "People are starting to stare at us. It's just making me a little uncomfortable."

He brings her head to his chest his chin resting on the top of her head. He holds her tightly and begins to hum softly against her earlobe.

"It's just me and you," he tells her, "Don't worry about anything put all your burdens on me. I will carry them tonight."

Her voice is soft and beaming with love. "Ok." She says.

The train arrives and they take a seat in the rear. Their fingers never leave each other.

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

They sat in comfortable silence at a small table outside a lively Soul Food diner called _Lillian's Generations. _Old Fourth Ward buzzed with shoppers. They were in their own little world, watching each person who passed by. She held his hand. They had been there for nearly half an hour. The waiter brought their servings.

"Sweet potatoe pie and peach cobbler with vanilla bean ice cream for the two love birds." The waiter placed their dishes on the small table and filled their glasses with water.

Olivia set free a heavenly smile. "Thank you."

He repeated."Thank you."

They picked up their forks and let the sweet divine pastries delight their taste buds. He's made her smile the entire day. She wants to shower him with kisses. Sometimes he looks so intense, but his face falls and he's just a lost little boy.

"Hi," he says.

She replies, "Hi."

"I know sometimes you get lost in yourself and need time to process everything, but I just want you to know that today has been perfect."

He pauses, and licks his lips. She watches him.

"So, Liv I'm putting my heart at your feet because I'm all in with this love affair and I promise I won't hurt you."

He takes her hand between his again.

"I just want to be with you as long as I possibly can. I'm not asking for much. I've been hurt a lot by people who said they loved me-"

"Fitz, she interrupts, "Before I met you I was a very lonely person. I got a lot baggage and I'm an emotional octopus, so whatever this is let's just let it breathe."

"Ok." he says. He leans across the table and kisses the tip of her nose.

"Are we in this together?"

"Yes, "she says finally, "We're in this together.

The waiter returns to refill their glasses.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The two lovers approached the entrance of Piedmont Park at South Memorial Street. The night sparkles around them .The atmosphere is light and airy, lovers lying on blankets in the grass. the smell of spicy grilled food, and the rumbling music. Rhythmic music thumped. Soulful afro Cuban beats. It's a house party in the park.

"What is going, she ask curiously, eyes looking forward at the festive scene in front of them, as they approached bodies collided together, a sea of dancers grooving along with the Afro beat. Legs, thighs blouses, beads, they were all over the place. The conga drums made it hard not to want to move your body. Fitz leads Olivia toward the dancing crowd. The look in his eyes is playful. Boyish. They make their way to the entrance of the dance floor; Olivia moves her body in front of Fitz. They sort of sway not really moving along to music. People were sweating to their left sweating to their right. Olivia threw her head back let all her troubles tumble and moved her body without abandon or regard. Fitz turns her around locking his fingers with hers, their foreheads touching. The crowd roars when a plump woman sings the first few lines of a song that is so undeniably funky it could be on the soundtrack of any 70's blaxploitation film. Olivia closed her eyes and let the music into her. The music was infectious. Olivia moves her hips twisting and turning into Fitz' strong warm body. His eyes are lustful and she feels mischievous. She doesn't mind that his moments are awkward; she's just never felt this damn free.

Her fingers are in his hair as her body moves fluidly against his.

"You are so beautiful," he whispers in her ear. He kisses her gently on the side of her neck; he cups her face and ravishes her lips. He holds her tighter kissing her deeper. He loved her hard and it all feels like heaven taking over their tongues. If Olivia could stop time right there in that precious moment, she would hold onto Fitz, and honest to God never let go. She would spend her entire life kissing Fitz on this dance floor on this breezy spring night. He would be her heaven.

_**Side note: Are you guys still feeling Scandal? Raise your hand if you feel personally victimized by Scandal! (Raises hands radically) I should not be this emotionally invested in a fictional show. After ever Thursday I just whisper to myself that this isn't real and it will all go away in a few seasons. I'm a very sad gladiator at the moment. Abuse isn't romantic and as young woman who's worked at a domestic violence center I'm really disheartened that Scandal would gloss over the physical abuse that Jake enacted against Olivia. Olivia isn't even given a moment to process or reflect upon what happened to her. I try not to be super negative but my chances of watching season four are very, very slim. I hope my rant doesn't offend anyone. Is there a Scandal Watchers Anonymous, If not I will be sending Shonda Rhimes my therapy expenses. **_


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: (This update is kinda long!) Ok so I got questions about Fitz age and whether Liv is in school. In the first chapter I state that they both attend Tucker High School, so they are high school students. They are seniors and both are 18 years old... Olivia is a poet/writer and Fitz is an musician. Sorry for any confusion. Also I must warn you that this chapter is life changing to say the least.

**(All belongs to Shonda Rhimes**! Excuse me while I concoct a devious plan to overthrow her as show runner and throw the writers in a lion's den. I will then proceed to hire the various amazing scandal fan fiction writers. I will make myself show runner and demand that there is some Olitz sexy time ever episode.) Seriously though I admire Shonda she has excelled in a very difficult industry that is unkind to women of color I count on my fingers how many women of color show runners there are

1. Shonda Rhimes

2. Mara Brock Akil

3. Mindy Kaling.

I know this may not be the total enumeration of women of color show runner but that's all I got.

* * *

April is a daunting journey for the average American high school senior, college acceptance letters flood mailboxes, parents fret over the surmounting expenses of educating a child and the fallen agony when first baby steps becomes then nervous infant steps into a college dorm .Her classmates gather in study groups after school cramming for the upcoming final exams. She studies alone groups have never been her thing. She will never admit that it's lonely being her. The openness of friendship was something she craved but also couldn't figure out how to compass. Fitz was different he was more than a friend of course, but it was like they breathed in sync. All around her she felt him this feeling was something she clumsily eased into. There was no running away from Fitz.

Olivia Pope thrives. The studying until midnight gobbling down popcorn and grape juice while memorizing _The Newton- Rasphon Method_ has paid off. There is no shock when she learns that she is valedictorian of her senior class. Her shyness wouldn't allow her to feel pride.

* * *

She's known since she was thirteen that Savannah College of Art and Design is the pinnacle of her young adulthood. She didn't have to cross her fingers or pray to Buddha or Jesus to get into the school. To put it simply she made SCAD her bitch. The acceptance letter lay on her bed she was too afraid to touch it. She thought it would vanish into thin air once it met her fingertips. She wanted to wait until Nanny came home she had been checking the clock every five minutes waiting for Nanny to spring through the door. She paced along the beige carpet her tiny feet leaving a map of worry. She jumps when her cell phone chimes. She reaches for the phone answering on the third ring.

"Hi." His voice is pure honey.

A smile covers her face. "Hi."

"Did you open it yet?"

"I'm waiting for Nanny. She will never forgive me if I opened it without her. Did you open yours yet?

She always thought it was a miracle how they had blindly fallen into love, but she knew it was ordained by Cupid himself when Fitz told her SCAD was his top choice school.

His voice is giddy and high-pitched. "I'm thinking we can write the dean and express to him how co-ed dorm suites are beneficial to love birds like us."

She squeals "Oh Fitz you got in! Congratulation! God, I wish I could kiss you right now."

"Liv," his voice deep and husky, "Don't tease me I haven't touched you in all the inappropriate ways I want to as of late, because Nanny seems to conveniently waltz into the room every time my fingers almost unsnap your bra."

"Fitz", she warns the memory of that day still makes her blush. They had gotten so reckless. She remembers all of the new things like feeling Fitz rigid penis against her thigh the slow budding ache that tickled her love bud. That sensation wasn't foreign she was human after all. She read her share of smutty romance novels and had to cross her legs at the familiar but slightly shameful feeling. She remembers him licking her perky breast through her bra his teeth sinking into her puckered nipple she couldn't hold onto the gasp that escaped her throat that day. Nanny had walked in the room unannounced with a mischievous grin on her face. Olivia was riddled with shame her and Fitz scrambling to put on their shirts. Nanny kindly told Fitz to go home and reminded Olivia that the only person allowed to have sex in her house was Eleanora Sapphire James.

She chases the memories away for another time. Her man Fitz had gotten accepted into her dream school.

She hears jingle of keys and Nanny making her way into the small lime shaded home.

"Fitz, I have to go, but meet me at our spot an hour from now."

"Ok Liv," but promise me that we will celebrate like horny lusty teenagers and not like two old ladies playing chess."

"Shut up! I'm hanging up Fitz. See you soon."

She ends the call grabbing the envelope from her bed making her way inside the kitchen. Olivia finds Nanny seated at the mildly cluttered table she's flipping through the bills her discontent evident on her face.

"Nanny", she whispers quietly seating next to her. She hands her the envelope.

"This better not be another bill Olivia Carolyn Pope." Nanny frowns but it immediately goes away when she sees the smirk playing at Olivia's lips.

Nanny threw on her reading glasses. Olivia heart is beating rapidly she took Nanny's hand in hers. Her feet tapped the wooden floors. Nanny knows her better than anyone in the world she didn't mind that Olivia was quiet and sometimes lost herself in a book.

She says, "Ok Livvie here goes nothing," Olivia shakes her head.

"Wait," she tries to find her breath, "Nanny I just want to thank you for all you've done. I don't deserve you."

Nanny laughed and said," Livvie we both deserve each other. Now just breathe and let's open this damn thing."

Olivia nods a wonderful giggle leaves her lips."Ok."

Olivia watches her carefully pull away at the stark white paper; she knows that she will keep the envelope and acceptance letter.

Nanny clears her throat, "We are excited to inform you that you have been accepted into, "before she can finish the sentence Olivia wraps her up in a tight hug her tears hitting Nanny's arm. She looks up and Nanny is sobbing softly Olivia drops her head onto her shoulder and Nanny held her.

"It was all you Livvie," Nanny began," You hiding your head in all those books. I'll admit that I wanted you to go out and make friends just do normal teenaged things, but you are your own girl. I'm just really proud of you. You're going to be a poet and all the little girls of the world just like you are going to grow up and say Olivia Pope saved them, her voice cracks," Who would have thought I was raising the next Maya Angelou in this very house."  
"Oh Nanny, Olivia throws her arms around her neck," I love you so much."

Nanny wipes at her eyes. "I love you too my sweet little girl."

* * *

Fitz found Olivia against the sugar maple tree in front of her house. She was in tears she had just finish _Their Eyes Were Watching God _she couldn't forget Janie's words to the leaves falling, "I_ hope you fall on soft ground_. She couldn't understand why those chimerical words made everything in her come about. Maybe it was because Fitz saw inside her past the mocha lipstick, peasant blouse, and prim and proper façade. He saw peach cobbler and his grandmother's kisses. He fell in love with her name first, to him it sounded like a Coltrane song. Olivia Carolyn Pope. It became his life to love her.

Olivia looked up wiping away at her face "Fitz," she sprung onto her feet crashing against his body.

She kissed him softly needing to feel all of him she's aching with love. It's a long moment before either of them says anything. The promise of a future together leaves them suspended.

"I got in Fitz, she croaks," We're in this together."

He picks her up and twirls her around she giggles into his neck holding onto his strong shoulders. Love.

Fitz voice is pleading and endearing. "Liv, sweet. Liv."

"Fitz-"

"Come home with me?" he looks so boyish to her in that moment.

"What about your mom? Nanny doesn't play she will murder both of us. I can't stay the night Fitz." She warns.

He cups her face in his hands. " Silly Liv I wouldn't,'' he starts," I'm not asking you to stay the night that's impossible right now but my Mom has a date tonight so we would have the house to ourselves for a few hours. I just want to take you to my home let you meet my mom and kiss you on my bed."

"Ok." she nods. "

She kisses him like he will break; she delves her tongue in his mouth. Twines her finger through his hair at the nape of his neck. She clings to him, taste his tongue and they are waltzing in their own heaven. Fitz trails his fingers over her body, moves his hand under her blouse feeling the soft skin underneath he tugs her closer.

"Go in the house, before everybody gets a show."

She kisses him once more then skips into the house.

Nanny is flipping through the channels on the television. Olivia creeps into the family room.

Nanny voice startles her. Her voice is a dong,"Livvie and Fitz kissing in the tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

Olivia heart beams she can't control the assault of giggles that leave her throat. "Nanny you were watching us."

"Excuse me little miss, but I was minding my own business watering my plants when I see my only granddaughter necking her boyfriend for the whole world to see. "

She should feel embarrassed but she doesn't. "Nanny I'm sorry we got carried away and-

Nanny cuts her off," No need to explain you're a young lady now, but that Fitz," She exclaims. "Chile we are both in trouble. I know I should scold you for making my front yard a peep show, but my Livvie is in love and well damn it if I'm little excited. "

Olivia knows her face is bright red with embarrassment. "Nanny I'm not sure what I feel but I care for him deeply and that why I think you should let me go over his house." She rushes the words out her mouth.

Nanny smiles "Go ahead be home before midnight and if I see a hickey it better be a good one." She jokes.

Olivia reaches for Nanny and hugs her hard. "Thank you Nanny. See you later."

Olivia rushes out the door Fitz looks like perfection with his hands stuffed in his pockets. Relief cover his face when see the unflinching smile on her face. He comes to her before she can get to him tucking her under his arm.

"I thought she went all _Flower's In The Attic_ on you and locked you away in the attic."

"Would you come save me?" Eyelashes batted.

"Liv, I love older women they smell like baby powder, but excuse me if I say this but Nanny's ass would be grass.

She punches his chest. "Fitz that's my Nanny."

"I know, but if anybody hurts my Liv I'm kicking their ass."

"So old ladies aren't exempt?"

"Hell no!"

They burst into laughter.

* * *

They stepped out onto the tree-lined street. They approached Fitz home she grips his hand tighter pulling her body into him. He looks down and kisses her cheek unlocking the door simultaneously.

A women who had to be at least 5'10 swings the door open. She's beautiful with soft blue eyes and shaggy brown her that frames her face.

"Finally Fitz brought you over here. He has literally sickened me with his talk about his Olivia. I didn't imagine you to be so pretty. Gosh are you some kind of fairy with that skin of yours. Do you drink goat's blood because I heard that works?"

Fitz cringed, held her hand, said, "Mom remember I said you have to act normal. "

"Oh, Fitzgerald move out the way and let me properly introduce myself."

Olivia blushes at the entire exchange. Fitz leads her into the house. It's a beautiful home she marvels at the mosaic of art work. She wants to know the story behind every painting. They travel to the kitchen Fitz and her standing idly.

"Olivia honey, I'm Elaine Francis Grant the mother of that dashing young man," she points to Fitz, "That seems to be so enraptured by you."

Olivia covers her face with Fitz shoulder and laughs. "Hi I'm Olivia, but I guess that's common knowledge around this house. She squeaks holding her hand out.

Elaine smiles and shakes Olivia's hand.

"Ok, Elaine begins, "Dinner should be ready in ten minutes so you two go wash your hands. "

Fitz leads her to his very own bathroom. He closes the door abruptly taking her lips in his. Her breath hitches.

His voice is gruff and uncontrolled. "You're in my house with that little dress on I want to do very naughty things to you on my childhood bed. "

"Fitz," she moans. He bites her lip not giving her a moment of reprieve. Olivia body trembles. She sucks his lips in a hungry easy kind of way,

He finally whispers,"You make me so happy." He moans titling her head back and kissing her again.

"Your mom is waiting for us."

He clears his throat." Your right come on let's wash up."

* * *

"Feminism is so different now and I mean that in the best way possible, but it's also a bit fragmented. Everyone has all these opinions and theories but what does it all mean if we're not unpacking and changing this patriarchal culture. I kind of miss the old days. The parades the straight ass kicking women owning their own lives."

Olivia nods. "Elaine I get it but those good old days you reminisce about are problematic. Feminism didn't give a damn about working class women. It was really just a bunch white ladies tired of spending hubby's money and wanting to make their own. None of the feminist from your time acknowledged how race and class complicate things".

Elaine laughs. "Fitz keep her and don't let her go. You will never find anyone like her again. I promise you that you can't do any better. I want to put her in my briefcase and unleash her on my students in class."

Olivia blushes Fitz takes her hand and kisses her knuckle. Olivia loved his mother's zany sense of humor. She moves around the eggplant salad with her fork.

"So how long have you and Fitz been vegans?"She asks wanting to change the subject all the praise made her bashful.

Elaine eyes light up. "Fitz is no vegan he cheats all the time I'm always finding Oreo wrappers in my car. Is that what he told you? Ha! That son of mine."

Fitz face turns red."Mom."

Olivia laughs. "No I just assumed, but thinking about he did eat an unhealthy bowl of peach cobbler on our first date."

Fitz slaps her thigh. He gives her a look of mock disapproval. "Liv were supposed to be a team."

She kisses his cheek." I'm sorry babe." She giggles.

"Enough you two," Elaine begins, "Fitz is a closeted vegan I know he enjoys my tofu, but look at the boy red meat is definitely his friend."

That made Olivia smile. She rubbed her hand over his forehead. Elaine is a woman who loves her son. She thought of her mother. She hardly knew her but she remembers all the important things about her. How they would take baths together and her mother would wash her hair with such love. She moves closer to Fitz needing to feel something that doesn't hurt as much, but the voice inside her head keeps whispering. She doesn't have a mother. Nanny is everything, but she is not her mother she forces herself to believe something else. To walk through the world assured of someone's love.

"Liv," Fitz senses her anxiety, "You ok."

She nods but Fitz is unconvinced but he lets it go. Olivia watches Elaine check her phone then a smirk creeps on her face.

"I'm going to let you guys clean up. I have a date and I'm not paying because gender equality doesn't stop me from being a woman who likes to be spoiled." Elaine smiles at Olivia.

This makes Olivia smile she really enjoyed Elaine Grant she was a smart fierce woman who she could admire, but also relish in picking her brain. Fitz gathers their dishes and put them in the dishwasher. She sits at the table and watches him hustle and bustle. It makes her smile she imagines them married with a bundles babies with his soulful blues eyes. The thought surprisingly doesn't make her want to run away.

"You ready to see my room." A smile plays at his lips

"I would be delighted." She mocks affectionately.

Fitz leads her to his room he closes the door behind them with his foot. His hands grip her ample behind and he squeezes lightly.

"God I've been waiting to do that all night."

She giggles. "So you only brought me in here to squeeze my butt."

She steps out of his embrace moving to his bookshelf. Olivia eyes peer at all the literary titans assembled on the shelf. She glides her hand along the rinds of the books.

"So many books. "She murmurs her voice full of wonder.

"My sweet Liv," he speaks.

A faint blissful smile blossoms on her face.

He wrapped his arm around her frame once more. They moved together to an imaginary beat. She kissed him deeply. The sound of the door creaking open startled them they abruptly pulled apart. Olivia wipes away at her lips.

Elaine stood at the door frame smiling gleefully at them both. Olivia tried to do something with her hands she was thoroughly embarrassed.

"Well, Well. I see you two don't waste any time. I'll leave you to your own devices. Just wanted to let you know I'm leaving." Her voice joyfully snarky.

"Ok Mom Goodnight! " Fitz reaches to hug her and kiss her cheek. "I love you have fun tonight."

Elaine does something unexpected and very beautiful. She pulls Olivia into a hug. At first Olivia's arm remain at her side, but then her arms seem to move on their own and she hugs her back.

"I'm happy to have met you. You're a lovely girl and whatever you do in life you're going to rock. She squeezes Olivia's hand.

"Goodnight sweetheart." She kisses Fitz cheek once more then leaves the room.

* * *

A war surges on inside her.

Olivia Pope deserves love. Olivia Pope is a person. Olivia Pope wants this to happen.

Their weight dips the mattress she sits next to home and nods leaning into his shoulder. She is wearing a light coral summer dress. It makes her honey brown skin glow he bite her shoulder. His next words will change everything. The words had been sitting on the tip of his tongue since the moment he saw her up against the sugar maple tree.

"I love you." He utters his words are absolutely tree.

"Fitz –"she says hoarsely

He cups her chin. "You don't have to say it back I just wanted you to know." She looks in his eyes she hurt t him his pride is utterly wounded, but what was he expecting she thought to herself. They had only been dating barely a month but the pull the connection whatever it was, was rushing her along in its wave. Olivia leans up on her wrist to kiss his jaw line.

"Fitz you don't really know me. I'm a broken person. "My father didn't even want me. He left before my Mama even heard heartbeat."

She doesn't want him to play savior with her sorrow, she doesn't need a hero, but she needs everything and more. Her heart can't find its beat anymore. If she's going to die this is the way with all of heart contents exploding in bloody venom on Fitz face. How can she explain to anyone that she feels like a flower and the wind is blowing its breath on her petals? Will she always be the girl with no voice? She can't find anything to say, she blurts out the first words that leave her tongue.

"My mom is in a mental institution. She tried to kill herself bit into her wrist with her teeth. She tried to kill me too."

"What," Fitz voice is stuck in his throat.

She's laughing uneasily. "She left me in a hot car with the windows up in the dead heat of summer. I would have died if Nanny hadn't came and saved me you would have never fallen in love with me, " she whisper," So that's why I live with Nanny I have since I was five."

His thumb skims her throat. She shivers.

"Liv what's wrong why are you telling me this now." To her his words seem insensitive. He looks at her in jarring way she looks away because it's all too much.

She shrugs. "I don't know. I'm scared ok. I don't even know what those word means."

"They mean everything." His voice is urgent.

She scoffs. "Sorry if I'm a bit cynical Fitz."

Her body collapse against his bed. He doesn't touch her she knows he's afraid she will break.

He looks at her very quiet very hard. There is hardness to him that she had barley sensed before. It's hardness is where his love lives. He lied down beside her, her face beneath his. He kisses all over her face. She doesn't move just allows him to love her down.

"Liv, you're so sweet, "he musters his voice in her neck, "You're not broken. You can't fix your heart with glue. It takes time and your everything, but I can't force you to believe that."

His fragile kisses feel like butterflies humming against her burning skin.

"Fitz," she moans feeling multiple emotions swirling inside of her. She wants to break free, and her timidity is tiring. She's been fighting all her life, she just wants to fly. A moth. A butterfly grew inside of her. Its wings fluttered against her ribs. It felt like the titanic sinking within her. She closed her eyes.

"I'm ready Fitz," her voice is light she can barely speak, "I love you too," she stammers "I'm in love with you too."

He stretched his long body on top of hers willing himself not to crush her with his weight. He took her face in his hands and held it, and then he kissed her, but this kiss was mighty different. It sucked all the unpleasant life out of her. It feels like lightning in her stomach. He is surrounding her and it all feels like too much and so little. He kisses her deep and soft her body full of ecstatic passion seeping outside of them and pouring itself in the universe that is their love. He takes his time with her, uncovering her breast licking her like a kitten. She buries her face in his chest.

He stops and stares into her ethereal brown eyes. "Are you sure Liv?"

She nods then turns for him to unzip her dress. She's completely naked before him with only her lace underwear left. She covers her breast feeling slightly bashful.

"Don't from hide me", he whispers," We're both new to this. "

She gives him a look like she doesn't believe him. "Fitz you're a virgin?"

He gives a sheepish grin. "I told you I'm shy. It took me a month to leave that letter on your desk."

"Take off your clothes Fitz," she rasped the words feeling bold on her tongue. What was she doing? Who was this girl that took hostage of her body. His clothes fell off his body before her. She gulped nearly shaken by his majestic body. His penis twitched slightly she wanted run her hands along the veiny texture, but she needed to catch her breath. He kneeled before her his warm breath leaving a wave of heat along her belly. Her skin jumped she ached in that lusty way.

He opened her legs kissing the inside of her thighs first before peeling away her panties. She shivered her heart fluttering at the same time.

He finally whispered, "Just breath Liv. I will take care of you."

He kissed her then left her lips and met the beauty of her. He put both hands beneath her hips her legs rested on his shoulders. His tongue lead the way she gasped her hips arching up. Her moans delighted him. He nibbled, sucked, teased, kissed blew on her sensitive bundle of nerves. A thousand suns lived in her. She pulled at the bed sheets she was losing this orgasmic battle.

"Fitz," she was drowning. "I'm going to come." She never felt so out of control, flushed skin his tongue continued its sweet agony twirling inside her. She scratched, bit her lip and then it happened the heated energy erupted inside her she let out a scream that pierced the walls her bedroom. Her body went limp

"Oh god, "she moaned, "What the fuck just happened to me?

Fitz laughs vibrates her flesh.

"You my dear just had an orgasm. A very loud one!'

She slaps his chest." I know what an orgasm is Fitz. I mean it just felt so damn good."

"Well it's supposed too. That's kind of the point."

"Don't be cute." She warns.

He covers her mouth with his. She took his face in her hands.

"Be gentle with me Fitz."

He kisses her eyelids." I love you," he licks her throat. Don't be scared. I belong to you. I would never ever hurt you." His eyes reach hers and her heart melts.

She held on to him a fluttering peace flooded her. They were eye to eye when he entered her. She winced the stinging pain going through her. She held tighter to him as he tenderly moved inside her. His tongue His teeth on her breast she is overwhelmed. A singing began in her body she wanted to cry she wanted to laugh, but she was sure that it was all love. She mewed out her pleasure orgasmic chants against his shoulder.

"Fitz," she purred. "It's happening again." Still he moved and moved inside her .He licks his lips and moans. She sinks her teeth into his neck their connection so unbelievably deep. Muscles straining he pulls her hips into him. She tangles her fingers in his curls pulling his head down to meet her lips. She bites and then she's a quivering mess. She squeezes her eyes shut, bites his shoulder. He kisses whispered how much he loved her into every part of her body his lips graced. This feels like flying.

It was a slow merciful grind that leaves her hips shaking. She falls into a cocoon of ecstasy. She fights the feeling of exploding stars that erupt out of her body. She's never known a pleasure so fucking deep. A scream leaves her lips. He groans and goes limp against her. They could hardly breathe. They lay together bodies glued to each other. She doesn't want any of it to end. If she reached her death it would be a blissful one.

"I love you," she says, finally, shyly, into the long silence of the room.

"I love you too."

He kissed her laying alongside her then pulling her body closer to his. Gently she placed her head on his chest. He exhaled. She smiled. His fingers roam her bare skin.

"Fitz," she starts "You never talk about your dad where he is?

"He's not a good guy, but he isn't bad either. We just don't get along. Mom says it's because we're so much alike, but that's a lie. I'm nothing like him."

She kisses his chest. "You're everything Fitz."

They were whispering. She laughed a little. "Welcome to the fucked up parents club."

He holds her even tighter. "We have each other now."

He set her heart on fire carried the ashes in the palms of his hands.

* * *

A MONTH LATER

"You're avoiding me." His voice is a wounded whisper.

"I need space. We're fine", she pauses her words holding glimpses of truth," I'm not sure what you expect. I guess, I thought, she shakes her head then slams her locker. She pulls him into the girl's restroom. She doesn't want to have this conversation around curious eyes. Olivia has become a mystery to herself all over again. The nausea quickens in her belly. She feels the bile rising in her throat. She traps her hand over her mouth hoping to calm the queasy ache in her body. Fitz is worried.

"Olivia what the hell is going on?"

She falls against the door of the restroom. "Fitz," she softly mumbles her hands reaching for him. He comes to her nearly picking her up off her feet on the tile floor. She has never felt this out of control before. He fights the urge to take her bottom lip in his mouth. He kisses her forehead instead.

"I'm here Liv", he stammers the fear clouding his words, "Whatever it is I will fix it. Just talk to me."

The tears trailing her cheek feel like revenge. A sob wrecks her and she falls into his chest. He's holding her love strong shouldering her world with herculean strength, but he is only a young man. He does the only thing he can comprehend he kisses her like she is porcelain. His fragile lips skating across her face. He's hoping his kisses will open up her wounds and leave them ghostly looking for another empty heart, because Fitzgerald Grant has filled Olivia's heart to capacity. There is no room for anything else.

"Fitz." Olivia's voice is a harsh whisper. He rocks her gently pecking the tears sliding down her face.

Her voice cracks and a hiccup slips out "I think I'm pregnant."

Even her own flesh feels like a burden she's been waiting to get out of. She waited to be empty because it felt like a comforting place. Fitz silence frightened her. His hand froze when she spoke those unchangeable words. All his loving ministrations ceased. She was afraid to look into his eyes. His eyes would betray his private crippling thoughts. Olivia would surely die if she looked in his eyes and saw nothing short of love, so she nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck and waited for the pain to tornado her entire being. A wetness touches her earlobe but it isn't his love kisses that usually scorch her soul. It's a wetness that men abandon because it makes them weak. Fitz is crying into her hair his sobs vibrate against her scalp. What has she done she thinks. She wraps her slender arms tighter around him not even the impact of a sinking ship could loosen her grip. He makes her alive, but is she creating his death She shakes away those abysmal thoughts, but doubt still tugs at the very blue veins of her heart.

* * *

Side note: Ok that was a dozy I really hope you guys can express to me how this chapter made you feel, because I was nervous about posting this chapter. It was always the plan to involve a pregnancy. I know teen pregnancy how progressive! Seriously in my outline of the first four chapters I wanted to see how Olivia and Fitz could manage a baby, their careers, dreams, families and their own love for each other. This was always the plan I didn't write without thinking of it.

Secondly I know most may be thinking Olivia Pope neglecting to use any form of protection? I think it can be argued that she is inexperienced and birth control was never an option because she was a virgin and her relationship with Fitz was an unexpected thing. I promise Olitz is ok they will survive this life-changing ordeal, but I will always try to make this as realistic as possible. I'm not an emotional terrorist there won't be angst for the sake of angst.

Also SCAD is an actual college that has four campuses in Savannah Ga, Atlanta, Ga, Hong Kong and Lacoste. It's also my school well it will be next fall!


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Great, so no one wanted to kill me for that last chapter! I'm glad everyone is enjoying the story. If you have any ideas of what you think should happen or would like to happen let me know I feel like this is kinda your story too! How I look at you're taking the time to read and review and that's important.

Happy Reading!

(**All Belongs to Shonda Rhimes** Now I will go rock in a corner whispering 752! 752! 752!)

* * *

She hadn't told anyone that she hadn't gotten her period in nearly a week. She waited for the rustic colored liquid to stain her underwear but it never came. She walked around the house like a zombie. She avoided Fitz like the plague but she knows Fitz is a terribly patient man with kindness whirling in his soul. She needed to breathe but she was out of breath. She moped around the house her food becoming a hurricane in her stomach forcing her to vomit at every turn. That's when she knew no test could have proven her wrong.

* * *

This small town suffocated the life out of them being from Eatonton Georgia the birthplace of Alice Walker they thought they had figured a way out of their little death in this stone aged place.

They had left school and went to the pharmacy and picked up a pregnancy test. An uneasiness had washed over them. She paced the floor of his room spiraling out of control. They hadn't spoken the entire time words were too much. Silence felt normal. Their eyes hid from each other but he held her hand when they walked out the front entrance of the school. He held her hand when they traveled to the pharmacy and if he could he would have held her hand while he was driving.

The blaring blues lines create a numbing of her heart. She's pregnant and it's seems unbearable to breath. A baby cuddling her uterus.

Her voice is a war torn country helpless and shattered to infinity. "I'm pregnant Fitz." She wails the tears never stop coming she imagines that there's enough to contain a whole river.

She collapses into his chest and he gathers her body into his arms. "Liv, my sweet sweet. Liv."

They were both to blame and in the end they apologized to themselves.

"I have to tell Nanny." She says.

"I have to tell my mom."

"Where going to die."

"At least it will be together."

"Let's end it now Fitz, Thelma and Louise style."

He laughs they both laugh finally, but the weight is still there.

She moved out of his embrace and took the pregnancy test between her fingers. She stares at it not really sure whether to keep it or throw it away. She decides to put it in her purse. She's not alive but death isn't kicking at her door anymore.

She wanted to speak she was trying to speak but she couldn't. He knows her so well he comes to her gripping her hips his large hands soothing her belly. It's flat now but soon it will be the shape of a half crescent moon.

"Liv," he whispers so gently that she's not even sure he's opened his mouth." We're going to get out of this small town. "

She nods her words still invisible. She closes her eyes. She sees a little girl with Fitz eyes. The thought gives away to a faint smile on her lips. It will be the only smile she can muster today. He steps away from her and puts on a Ray Charles record. His hands resting lightly in her hair he rocks her tenderly to the tune.

"We're going to be ok." He starts but then he stops as if he's trying to convince himself." A baby isn't a death sentence. You will go to school. I will get a job. It can work."

She shakes her head against his chest." You're going to school too."

He nods. "I will but not in the fall. It's impossible for both of us to go to school, work and raise a baby."

"Fitz, no I can't let you do that. It isn't fair. It isn't right. One of us shouldn't suffer for the other. We're in this together remember."

He kisses the crown of her head. "Liv this isn't debatable if we're in this together one of us has to sacrifice and it won't be the end of the world for me, but I know you. This could kill you, so no I'm getting a job that's final."

She sighs. "Ok."

* * *

Nanny is home when she finally leaves Fitz place. She curses internally wishes she had just a few moments to pace and figure out a way to tell Nanny.

"Hi Nanny. You look tired." Olivia falls against the couch her body sighs.

"Not as tired as you look." Nanny grins.

Olivia smiles lucky that Nanny seems to be in a pleasant mood. She moves closer to her on the couch resting her head on her shoulder.

"I've been feeling kinda icky lately. My stomach is all over the place." She decides to start with half truths to give her the courage to truly spill the beans.

Nanny gives her curious look. She's relaxes further on the couch. "Livvie, I think I know what you're about to tell me."

Olivia voice breaks. "Nanny I-

Nanny interrupts her. "Please prove me wrong. Tell me that it's just my imagination that you can barely eat anything without throwing it back up. Convince me that I'm delusional and I just have an overactive mind."  
Olivia started to cry. She couldn't take it. It was her voice the weary sadness that she never wanted to be the cause of. They sat there for a moment Olivia's face sparkled with tears. Nanny puts a hand on Olivia's chin and then kisses the crown of her head.

She said." Livvie just tell me. I need to hear you say it."

Olivia gasped. "I'm pregnant Nanny."

Olivia stole a look at her and the silent tears slide down her face like this was her own personal misery too.

"I'm sorry-it just happened- Nanny please don't hate me. I'm scared." Olivia drowns in her sobs.

Nanny gives her a hard stare. She doesn't touch her she just sat very still. Olivia needs to feel her plumb arms wrapped around her. She needs to be overwhelmed by that gentle lavender smell that she clinged to so much as a little girl. Olivia ran her hands over hair. She reached for the Kleenex sitting on the coffee table. She takes the light tissues and wipes the tears off Nanny's face. She gathers two more and blows her own nose. Nanny turns and gives the most tragic smile she's ever witness. It hurt s so deep the wound will never heal it just simply ebb over time but never really going away. She will never forget this day, the seconds, and the god awful minutes that tugged at her entire being.

Finally Nanny takes her arms and wraps them around Olivia. She's breathes again. It's a breath that reminds her she is alive her Nanny's arms are a flesh sanctuary and she feels baptized by her love.

Nanny is patient. "Livvie, I could never hate you. I'm just so damn heartbroken. That's the only word I can comprehend for this news."

Olivia sniffles her head lying in Nanny's warm chest. Her bosom is a home that makes everything suddenly ok.

"Nanny I'm sorry. It's all my fault."

"Hush its takes two people to make a baby. Have you told Fitz?"

"Yes. He's not going to SCAD he's going to get a job."

Nanny nods. "That's a brave boy, but you're braver. You have to walk around with that child inside of you every waking moment. He's doing the right thing but this is all just a complicated mess Livvie."

"Nanny are you mad at me?"

Nanny shakes her head. "No, never I can't be mad you. You're my little girl, but you're just a baby and you haven't seen the world yet."

Olivia closes her eyes a peace consuming her. She holds onto Nanny's words.

"Nanny you think I will survive this?"

"Sure, I had your mother when I was seventeen. Maybe this isn't the life you wanted but this could be a good thing. You're not a alone and you will have this baby and the world will cheer. So don't dig that grave so soon Livvie. Women have been having babies at the wrong time since the world began. "

Soft tears drifted onto Olivia's forehead she didn't mind, it like felt sweet raindrops on a summery day.

"I love you Nanny and I want you to know I love Fitz too. This isn't just some teenage puppy love. It's real and it ours"

Nanny rubs her back. "I took one look at you two together and I knew we were all in big trouble. You two are always in your own world. It's a beautiful thing to see. Young love can be so fleeting or it can be invincible. I think you and Fitz are the latter. "

"Nanny did you love Mama's dad like that?"

Nanny holds her tighter. "No I don't think I've loved a man that strong. Your Mama's father was really just some foolish lovesick boy. I don't think I've ever been loved in the proper way, but of course it's always been you. But my first love was always myself and I didn't even have to look in the mirror."

"Nanny that was poetic." Olivia reaches up and kisses her cheek.

"You're not the only poet in this house."

Olivia giggles then her voice goes sharps the words leave her mouth before she comprehends them. "What about Mama, my mama. You didn't love her?"

"Of course I loved your mother, but she was a difficult child to love. It was a different time Livvie information about mental illness wasn't easy to come by especially for a single black women in a small town. Dreams are hard to come by in this place, so when your mother had you everything was going to change. Livvie, life isn't a fairytale but it doesn't have to be nightmare either."

Olivia thinks she's going to cry again, so she prays the tears away.

Nanny clears her throat then kisses Olivia's hair. Her sweet soprano soars when she sings.

_You are my sunshine_

_My sunshine _

_My only sunshine you make me happy when stars are gray._

_You never notice how much I love you_

_Please don't take my sunshine away._

* * *

There was a time in Olivia's life when she thought happiness was some propaganda concocted by Oprah. Now she knows that happiness lives in a place that doesn't die. There is a life forming inside of her. Someone she hardy knows but already she loves him or her. It's an immediate love that isn't questioned. She loves this baby this tiny ball of several hundred cells multiplying at lightning speed. She will sing this lullaby that her Nanny sung to her so long ago when the nightmares tormented her sleep. She shouldn't be happy, but she is. Olivia Pope is happy.

* * *

"Are you two out of your fucking minds? Pregnant, please tell this is just a utterly unfunny joke. I'm not amused. Your only 18 the both of you. You graduate in less than a week!"

Nanny tries to calm her but Elaine Grant has drifted off into the deep end.

Her voice is hysterical. "Fitz what about school?

Fitz sighs. "Mom we've thought this out. I'm not going to school." Utter terror clouds Elaine's face. Olivia is afraid she will slap Fitz, she grips his head tighter.

Exasperated she collapses onto the sofa. Olivia watched her face go back to its natural color. She's not sure what she expected. Of course sheer glee was asking for too much but her fiery hysteria had shaken Olivia. She was happy to have Nanny there with her.

Nanny says. "Maybe we should eat dinner."

They all travel to the kitchen. Fitz helping his mother up. Olivia could laugh if it all wasn't so fucking sad. They quietly gather at the table. Nanny seems displeased with the food that's been arranged. She stares at the brown mush on her plate. Olivia giggles silently to herself.

"What in the hell is this," Nanny proclaims. "I'm sorry if I've lost all total regard to class, but this wouldn't even be appetizing to a squirrel."

"Nanny!" Olivia chastises.

Fitz face is red with laughter and even Elaine cracks a smile.

"I really don't mean to be rude it's just I'm a black-eyed peas, pork chops and cornbread kinda woman. This bird food will evaporate in seconds after I've digested it."

"What do you suggest?" Elaine manages to say.

Olivia whips out a small jar of blueberry jam from her purse.

"I've got jam." She exclaims.

Everyone gives her a puzzled look. She shrugs. "I'm pregnant. "

Their laughter cracks open the fragility of their circumstance.

Fitz gets up and takes a can of biscuits out the fridge and prepares them for the oven.

"You can't have jam without biscuits." He jokes his eyes on Olivia. She loves this young man.

Elaine moves around the kitchen looking for another set of glass plates. Nanny takes the plates on the table and dumps the food in the trash bin. Olivia thinks this is what a family looks like. People loving and helping each other

"Anything I can do." She asks.

"You just stay put little Momma." Fitz says. She can't stop herself from smiling. This is happening this is real. She will be someone's momma.

Olivia leaves the table to find Fitz record player she scoops up Aretha's Franklin's, _This Girl's _in_ Love With You_ album. She chuckles Fitz owns an Aretha Franklin album. She carries the record player into the kitchen setting it against the counter. Everyone moods seems to shift when the country blues rhythm of Eleanor Rigby begins to sing through the kitchen. Olivia takes Fitz by the hand.

"I feel like dancing." She blushed. Nanny and Elaine looked on at the two lovers.

"Fitz closes the space between them his fingertips on her dainty waist. "I love you." He whispers lightly.

He sneaks a kiss onto her lips savoring the taste of her lip gloss. He never wants to let her go.

"I'm going to marry you Olivia Carolyn Pope. Not now but very soon."

She buries her face in his chest his word making her heart blush. "Patient Fitz. You have to get a job and this baby has to get here healthy and alive."

"What if I marry you before the baby gets here." He begs.

She shakes her head. "No I'm not trying to look like a whale on my wedding day."

He tries again. "What if we do it before you start showing. Just a quick ceremony at the courthouse. Nothing too flashy. Just me, you and baby."

He makes her smile, but still she doesn't acquiescence. "Fitz we can't get married we don't have our own place and Nanny and Elaine would kill us both. I'm not going to run away. You have me. A marriage license won't make this anymore of a reality. This baby is enough."

He tugs at his hair frustrated he looks so much like a pouty toddler to her in that moment.

"Livvie-"he starts but Olivia interrupts him.

"My Nanny calls me that you have to ask my permission." She pokes out her tongue.

"Stick your tongue out again and it's going in my mouth next time."

"Try it." She flirts poking her tongue out once more.

He captures her mouth sucking her tongue she tastes like ripe peaches.

Nanny clears her throat. "Ok you two this is how you got pregnant last time." A smile edges along her face. They pull apart wiping at their lips.

"Dinner is ready." Elaine calls out behind them.

They gather at the table. Olivia next to Fitz and Nanny and Elaine alongside each other. They pass along the sweet buttery biscuits to each other coating the fluffy center with blueberry jam.

"We need a plan." Says Elaine.

"Wow Mom you make this sound like a Black Ops mission."

Elaine's voice is high pitched when she speaks again. "You know I'm sorry if I'm not beaming with excitement at the moment. My eighteen son got his equally naïve eighteen year old girlfriend pregnant. Oh by the way neither one of them have jobs."

"Mom I'm going to get a job." Fitz retort is meek. His voice has lost all its strength.

Nanny wipes her face with a napkin. "Elaine I think we should them some credit. They are both equally smart, but harping on about how awful the situation is isn't going to make it better. This isn't ideal or practical, but in nine months a baby is going to here, so you and I as the parents of these foolishly in love young adults need to make this patch work quilt family work."

Elaine nods. She exhaled harshly tears brimming her crystal blue eyes. "This is all just too much. Your just babies. She grabs Fitz hand. "You're my only little boy. You don't have a clue about how to be anyone's father." She turns to Olivia. "Olivia you're going to be waddling around that big college campus with all eyes glued to you."

"Enough." Nanny hissed.

Nanny glares at Elaine. "Not my baby and definitely not in this house. They both got in the bed together so they both carry equal shame."

Olivia finally speaks up. "I'm not ashamed Nanny. I want this baby and I apologize Nanny but I don't give damn about what anyone thinks." Her tone is defiant but she's never felt so sure of herself.

She continues. "I'm the valedictorian of my entire high school class all of that is erased because I had unprotected sex with my boyfriend. I'm not a human anymore just a walking baby machine now! I'm not ashamed of this life forming inside of me because well frankly this baby was born out of the sweetest love I've ever experienced in my entire life. I'm not ashamed of that." She spat.

She doesn't want to cry but the tears have a mind of their own. Fitz gathers her in his arms leaving a string of kisses all over her face. Nanny gives them a warm smile and pats Fitz arm.

"Take care of my Livvie. She's been hurt enough in this life."

Nanny leaves the table and shuffles into the living room amplifying the volume of the record player. She goes back inside the kitchen and nudges Elaine's shoulder.

"Care to dance with an elegantly decadent woman." Nanny's face beaming.

A small smile forms along Elaine's face she takes Nanny's hand and they waltz into the living room. Olivia and Fitz eventually follow, but it's not the sound of music that they sway to it's the invisible heart beat of their unborn child.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: I must admit I really enjoy writing this story and putting all my ideas to good use, but your dedication to this story keeps me motivated.

* * *

She's awed at the parade of royal blue and silver caps descending into the spring sky. The numerous academic cords swing against her neck. She fingers the silky threads her valedictorian speech playing in her head. She mouths the words to herself,

"_I am the hope and the dream of the slave; those poetic words were written so eloquently by Maya Angelou. As I stand before you today my numerous classmates I'm filled with a sense of regret many of you didn't know my name before this day. I was a nameless face in an overcrowded hallway. I stand here as the hope and dreams of my ancestors."_

The roaring applause breaks her out of her own thoughts. She looks upon the audience before her she fidgets her diploma slippery in her fingertips. The lurking numbness claims her. She acknowledges alone that neither of her parents are here along with the other ecstatically beaming parents. She gives herself a moment to comprehend this sadness. The nausea lurches in her throat she swallows mightily hoping to keep the liquid disaster at bay. She consciously lays her hand along her belly she's not sure why the faint tears rain down her face. She quickly wipes away at them.

The harmony of Pomp and Circumstance begins. The principal motions for her to stand along with the other graduates. She looks back and searches for Fitz. It doesn't take her long to find his handsome face. She blows him a kiss. He catches it with his hand placing his pointer and index finger against his lips. She sticks out her tongue mischievously then turns standing, leading the procession of royal blue and silver robes.

Olivia and Fitz hasten amongst the throng of scattered graduates. They scurry with their robes trailing in the wind to find Elaine and Nanny. Olivia spots Nanny's floral wrap dress. She leads Fitz to the large oak tree that the two women are occupying. They both leap up to congratulate them.

"Babies." Nanny exclaims. She hugs Fitz briefly. Olivia releases Fitz hand and falls into Nanny's arms. She breathes in the lavender scent.

"My little girl Livvie. That speech was amazing. If Martin Luther King was alive he would hire you as his speech writer." Nanny proclaims

Chuckling, "Oh really Nanny. You think so. I think I'm too much of a feminist for his brand of benevolent patriarchy."

Nanny kisses her cheek. "I'm not sure what the hell you just said but it sounds good to me."

Olivia moves her diploma that's tucked between her and Nanny. "This is for you Nanny. She says handing her the rolled paper." You deserve this."  
"Oh Livvie," She wipes at her tear stained face. "I just retouched my makeup. "

Peals of laughter leave their throats. Olivia leans into her taking the cords from around her neck. She wraps them around Nanny's neck.

"These are yours also." She sniffles. "It was all you. I just love you so much Nanny and I'm happy you raised me."

Nanny fingers the cords marveling at the vibrant colors. Olivia heart swells. Nanny takes her face in her brown hands and proceed to kiss Olivia's face all over. Her kisses are the treat of a raspberry popsicle on a 100 degree summer day.

"I love you! I love you! I love you!" She expels.

Olivia sees Fitz and Elaine watching the entire exchange. She motions for them both to come closer.

Fitz picks her up twirling her around her curls springing bouncing into the air. She laughs unstrung. Her laughter peeks the interest of the fringe families isolated around them. Fitz sets her down and she kisses him with no regard to decency. Suckling on each other's tongues their bodies melding together. For a moment Olivia Pope forgets to be Olivia Pope. She doesn't worry about the anxious stares given to her and Fitz when he stirs her soul with his colossal kisses. They place a stake in the heart of this bland place. She breathes and it doesn't feel like falling apart. She will write sonnets of this moment. She will tell her unborn child about the day their parents graduated from high school. She will tell him or her that they were nestled between mommy and daddy growing ever second .She doesn't realize she's crying again until Fitz kisses her tears with his lips. She holds tighter to him his love a shield that she refuse to run away from. She will never tell him that his love was her savior. This is the feeling of freedom.

* * *

Olivia lazily lays he head on Fitz shoulder. He kisses her forehead.

"Are you sleepy Livvie?"

She nods. "It's been a long day."

"You should try to eat something." He scoops up a spoonful of carrot soufflé. She opens her mouth and allows the delicious starch to savor on her tongue.

"Good." She mumbles.

Fitz laughs. He lightly places his hand on her belly. He's been doing that a lot lately. They haven't really talked much about the baby. She's not sure if it's fear or if so much has happened that a conversation just never found its way to their lips. She saw a pair of frilly lilac booties at an infant boutique downtown. She had traced the lace fabric between her fingers. It had all suddenly felt so real to her. She had rushed out of the boutique with tears in her eyes. She couldn't handle the baby blue onesie's plastered against the storefront, the classic pram stroller and the adorable ribbon dresses dressed on the blank mannequins. She nearly vomited on the sidewalk.

"Livvie." Fitz sings causing her to leave her own thoughts.

She nestles further into his chest. "Let's go to Eastside Lake tonight. The weather is good."

Fitz nods. "I'm up for a good swim, besides I have a present for you."

Her voice is coy. "I wasn't exactly planning on doing any swimming if you know what I mean." She takes another spoonful of soufflé in her mouth.

He buries his nose in her curls. "What has gotten into my sweet Livvie? Has naughty Livvie taken her place?"

"No I'm always your sweet Livvie. Her gaze meets his. "I just want to feel you inside of me tonight." She responds shyly.

He groans softly. "Gosh I love you woman."He slides his tongues along her lips teasing her mouth open. Olivia feels a tight pain in her elbow she whips around and Nanny is wagging a finger at her and Fitz.

"Not at the table children."She grins.

"Sorry Nanny. "

"Where is my mom," wonders Fitz

"She went to meet your dad." Nanny replies casually.

"What-"Fitz blanches. Olivia winces at the pain of his voice. She takes his hand in hers kissing his knuckles one by one.

"Fitz talk to me. Don't over react."

"Is something wrong?" Nanny ask worry etched across her face.

Olivia shakes her head. "Nanny it's ok. Fitz doesn't have the best relationship with his dad."

"Why didn't she tell me," Fitz begins "I think I'm going to be sick."

He abruptly leaves the table. His entire body tight surging with animosity.

"Fitz-"Olivia says but Nanny puts her hand to her shoulder.

"Let him go. Just give him a few minutes to himself."

Elaine arrives at the table with Fitz's father in tow. To say that Fitzgerald Grant Jr. was a man of power was simply an understament. Olivia chest tighten she wants to run and bury her face in Fitz neck. Elaine has a sour smile on her face .She begins the introductions her voice lacking its usual snark.

"Olivia Pope." Elaine said Olivia rose and shook Fitzgerald hand. His eyes the same shade as Fitz weren't as gentle. It was storm brewing in them.

"Hello, so you are the young lady that my irresponsible son impregnated." He bristles

His words leave her shrinking back. She yanks her hand away.

Nanny scoffs. "I'm this young impregnated woman's grandmother, and I should tell you now any disrespect thrown at her will definitely lead to a homicide." Nanny gives him a hard stare crossing her arms against her chest. Olivia smirks at her antics. She searched in the direction of the restroom. Fitz still hadn't come out yet. She fought the urge to storm inside that men's restroom yanking Fitz along by the ear.

Fitzgerald clears his throat. "Where is my son?"

Olivia speaks up." He's in the restroom."

Fitzgerald marches towards the restroom before he reaches the door. Fitz swings the door open. Fitz stares blankly at his father then moves pass him ignoring his outstretched hand. She sees the anxiety and fear clouding his eyes. He takes his seat next to her his body spiraling with muted contempt. He gives Elaine a hard stare.

"Why is he here Mom?" He nearly yells.

Elaine brushes her hair out her face giving Fitz an awkward glance.

"He's going to help you and Olivia."

Fitz lifts his fist, but before it barrels down on the table Olivia catches his large hand with her own.

"Stop Fitz for me please. I don't like seeing you this angry." She cooed. He shakes his head. She can see the battle of emotions raging a war inside him. She lightly kisses his lips mindful of their unwilling audience.

"Listen to what your mom has to say Fitz."She rubs his shoulder.

"Are you on my side or not Livvie." His voice is a harsh whisper. She winces he's never used that kind of tone with her before.

"Of course Fitz. What kind of question is that? This isn't about sides it's about reality and the reality is I'm 5 weeks pregnant and neither one of us has a job. If we are going to make this work. We have to take a hard look at ourselves and maybe a handout isn't the worst thing in the world." She finishes.

"Olivia's right." Fitzgerald interrupts.

Fitz jaw clenches. Olivia rubs his back he leans into her touch.

"I'm here." She whispers just low enough for only him to hear.

Fitz finally relents. "What's your bright idea Dad."

Fitzgerald takes a seat beside Elaine. He clasp his hand under his chin.

His voice grits. "Your mother called me and expressed her concern and worry for your future. You can't imagine my surprise when she told me my only son who hadn't so much as talked to a girl had gotten his girlfriend pregnant. Not only did you knock someone up. But you are considering not going to college." He fumes wringing his hands manically.

"What's your point Dad?" Fitz replies clutching the edge of the table in his hand.

"A trusted colleague of mine is in the process of opening a new youth development center. He's hoping to find a music instructor that can teach the kids how to play the piano and guitar. I imagine the thousands of dollars your mother and I spent on your very own musical education didn't go to waste."

"Dad;" Fitz begins to interrupt, but Fitzgerald continues you on.

"I know how passionate you are about music and I wasn't the most supportive of your creative ambition, but I'm here now I assume that counts for something and I am your father and it's my duty to take care of my child. I'm sure you will understand that clearly in the next nine months."

"Dad why are you doing this now, and won't I need some sort of certification to actually work with kids."

Fitzgerald grins. "Of course you can work on your CDA in the summer. I will be honest with you the pay is modest, but you and Olivia can move into Grandpa's mansion along with me. "

Olivia shakes her head. " I can't leave my Nanny." Olivia whispers ."Mr. Grant I don't even know and you want me to live with you? She mocks incredulously.

"Look I know the situation isn't ideal, but what do you have to lose. The mansion is in Atlanta you can commute to school on your specific days. I can hire a nanny."

Olivia's voice is stone fiery sparks her eyes. " A nanny isn't going to raise my child."

Fitz rubs his chin Olivia watches him internalize all that his father has said. If she's honest with herself it a good plan. A great plan, but Nanny. She can't leave her so soon, not before she goes to school. She knew that eventually she would have to leave just not before the summer was over.

" Can Nanny come along with us." Fitz suggest. A clear grimace frames Fitzgerald face but he recovers quickly. Nanny looks to Fitz with questioning eyes. Olivia squeezes his hand to continue. "Nanny how would you feel about leaving this place and going to Hotatlanta."

Olivia gives Nanny a pleading look her heart a stuttering train wreck. Would Nanny be willing to sell her home? Are she and Fitz being selfish for asking so much of her? Maybe they are, but this rainbow has been a long time coming. The raindrops don't seem as heavy and the lightning isn't as bright. Olivia reaches for Nanny hands.

"Nanny if you need time it's ok. If you want to say no that ok too." Olivia responds.

Nanny smiles. "I've never left my home. This little place has been my knight and shining armor." Olivia heart breaks her heartstrings straining against each rapid heartbeat. "But, Nanny exclaims. "I've always wanted to live in the city if you can just promise me that a handsome black man is in my near future I will pack my bags expeditiously."

Fitzgerald nods.

Everyone at the table exhales noticeably. Laughter overcomes them all.

Fitz clears his throat. " We need someone we can trust when the baby gets here. Dad if you can promise that Nanny can get a job at a local hospital somewhere. I don't care what kind of strings you have to pull. We will take your offer. " He concludes. Nanny grabs his cheeks and places a soft kiss on his cheek.

Olivia squeezes his hand. She's so in love with him in this moment. He lightly strokes her cheeks then finally kissing her forehead. She giggles like a young girl.

Fitzgerald stands his hand outstretched. "Son this deal wouldn't be permanent if we didn't shake on it."

Fitz stands and shakes his father's hand. "Thank you Dad." Fitz stutters.

"I know I wasn't the best father I was overbearing and pushy but I won't make false promises and say we will be singing Kumbaya. I'm just taking care of my son. It's the least I can do."

Fitz nods then reaches for Olivia he beams at her his large hands cupping her face.

"I'm sorry forgive me please. I need to respect you as the mother of my unborn child. I shouldn't have gotten angry at you and used that tone of voice with you." His face waiting for her assurance.

"Amen!" Nanny squeals.

She smiles at the sincere passion covering his face. "I forgive you." She kisses his chin.

* * *

The moon disappears clutched by the black hands of night. Midnight crushed the breeze the stale heat leaving sweat along her brow. The soft ripples of water tickle her feet. Eastside Lake is a place for lovers, before she ever found Fitz she'd come here and let the water suffocate her. Floating endlessly until her skin turn to a prune form she'd rebuild herself in the lover's lake. She didn't have a lover so her swims felt like a satisfying revenge. Her limps fighting against the liquid waves a ballerina in water she championed herself.

She uses her feet and splashes her ankles it calms her. She watches Fitz gather a puddle of water in his hand before she can react the water splashes her face.

"Fitz!" She shrieks.

She sputters away from the water her perfect hair nearly ruined her white dress soaked.

"Livvie!" Fitz yells running after her. He finally catches up with her rapid footsteps. It's not that hard considering his legs are much longer. He slips his hands around her waist sliding his fingertips over hips gripping them giving them a slight shake. She relaxes along his chest.

" I hate you my hair is ruined and my dress is fucked."

Fitz turns her facing him. "Livvie when did you become such a potty mouth." He mocks.

She slaps his naked bare chest. " You did that just so I could take my dress off."

Fitz grins playing with the buttons on her dress. "I have to get you naked somehow."

"No such luck mister I want my present first that you promised me." She pouts.

Fitz pulled her lips into his mouth his tongue inside her mouth she takes his tongues sucks it gently. She needs to feel connected to him. The last month has been nothing short of a whirlwind, she just wants to be. It's almost laughable that she has to ask her own self to breathe.

He leaves a trail of feather kisses on her lips before pulling apart. She whimpers grasping the curls at the nape of his neck she captures his bottom lip back into her mouth.

"Livvie I have to give you your present." He mumbles into her mouth.

"Fitz." She pouts nibbling his top lip.

He takes her hand in his leading her back to his car. He opens the passenger side she climbs in he shuts the door behind her. He rounds the car hopping in the driver seat.

"Close your eyes." He says. She closes her eyes anticipation rippling through her.

Fitz fell silent she could hear him opening and closing the glove department. She feels the scratchy material placed in her hands. She opens her eyes to Fitz wide smile. She looks down at the yellow cubed shaped gift box tied nicely with a bow; she's timid to open the box. She gazes at Fitz.

"Open it Livvie." He assures.

She pulls away the shiny ribbon lifting the small lid of the box. Her fingers trail the thin edges of the box her heart evaporating in the moon of her soul. She gasps the sound of her heartbeat echoing in her ears. Hot tears prickle her eyes. She takes the lace lilac booties out of the gift box as if they are made of precious diamonds.

Fitz eyes shine with tears. He pulls her into his lap rubbing his face in her hair. His kisses feeling like daises doing somersaults against her flesh. His voice is soft and loving.

"Fitz," she tries her sobs choking her words.

"I saw them downtown and I just thought of a little girl with your big expressive eyes, you're crazy curly hair, and your sweet, sweet spirit."

She turns and wraps her legs tight around his waist.

"Fitz, I love you." Those are the only words she can muster.

He ran his hand over her jaw line and into her hair placing light kisses on the coily ringlets.

"My sweet Livvie," he spoke quietly. "I love you so much. I'm not sure I can ever be without you. Does that make me a crazy person?"

"Crazy isn't a nice word Fitz. She admonishes but she smiles continuing,"No it just makes you crazy in love with me." She giggles crashing her lips onto his kissing him hungrily.

She hikes up her dress grinding his hardening erection. He hisses gripping her hips aggressively.

"Condom," she breathes into his mouth.

He gives her a devilish smirk pinching her nipple. "Now you want to use a condom after I knocked you up."

She bites his chest. "I'm not taking any chances Fitz."

"Check the cup holder."

She reaches into the circular hole retrieving the gold packet.

She stares at it humorously. "Where were you when we first had sex?" She amuses.

Fitz laughs along with her his fingers slipping inside her she mewls throwing her head back her curls a curtain over her face.

"You're so damn beautiful." He whispers in her ear. She bites her lips quivering against him. She falls onto his chest licking his neck. He takes his fingers out of her. She grips his hand running her tongue over his fingers sucking softly.

His eyes brim with lust. "Fuck Livvie! When did my girl become a porn star?"

She curls her finger into his skin. "Please fuck me." She whimpers. She thrust her hips into his. Fitz lifts her by her arms helping remove her panties. He scrambles to fling off his pants and underwear. She straddles him he grips her wrist behind her back. She watches him put the condom on his penis her body is burning with lust. She feels utterly out of control. He edges close the tip of his erection taunting her wet arousal. She hisses when he enters her, nails scratching his shoulder. Pain and pleasure tingling her core.

"Fitz-slow." She moans.

His plentiful length stretches her wall her delicate weight above him. She bites her lips fighting the urge to lose all control so quickly. She rocks gently against him kissing him deeply.

"I love you." He moans into her neck.

"I love you too."

* * *

Sidenote: I'm not sure how I felt about this chapter. I needed them to acknowledge their predicament without being weighed down by it. Also I don't think teen pregnancy is great, but shit happens and creatively I wanted to explore it with these specific characters. You guys let me know how you feel. Does any of it seem realistic? I don't want it to be to syrupy. Also smut is not my gift. I think I'm awful at it I don't think anyone will be fanning themselves or changing their panties. Ok that was crude of me!


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: What up! Ok some of you expressed hilarity at their use of a condom. Writing it was somewhat funny to me I interpreted it as them being young and just very caution. Sex is a new thing for both of them I'm sorry if I didn't articulate that more ! Also someone asked about Olivia's mom in regards to the family moving to Atlanta. I think this chapter will answer your question. Let me know how you feel about this chapter it took me forever to sort it all out.

Happy Reading!

* * *

June burns. Eatonton is in flames. The sun is having a parade along the sky. The beams light the sparks in the concrete. The lime popsicle drips down her palm. She licks away at the liquid substance. She finds herself waltzing through the neighborhood Nikki Giovanni's _Cotton Candy on a Rainy Day _tucked under her arm her own satchel purse bouncing on her hip. The soft cotton nude cami dress swishes in the wind her curls bouncing with each step. Sweat travels down her brow she wipes it away her whole body heated. She's been taking an awful lot of walks lately just to clear her mind. It seems to be working, but her gut is slowly unraveling and she knows that a storm is brewing. Ever sense she was a child she's always had a third sense .Nanny called it her spidey senses. Her third sense or her gut as she affectionately called it saw the mania in her mother's eyes when she would terrorize away at their home breaking dishes along the wall and talking in rambles to herself. Her hips swaying in the baby doll halter dress hiked up her hips the fiery red lipstick smudged on her lip. The bruised purple splotches dotted on her mother's neck had always intrigued Olivia. Olivia would hide in the bathroom her knees tucked under her chin waiting for the loud banging to go away. She wonders if she ever really knew her mother. The woman that was underneath the mania. The cracks of her souls suffering inside. She knows it's terrifying to have your own mind held hostage. She's been trying to reconcile that she will never know what it's like to be raised by two loving courageous parents.

Her fingers curl under her belly. She caresses the swell of her stomach. She smiles softly she wakes up every morning reminding herself that there is person inside of her. She's been restless using the night to pack away books, clothes and donating her old furniture to the Salvation Army. The boxes fill her room she's been trying to find the right emotions to convey the heaviness of her heart. She's leaving a home that is dusted with her memories. The chipped paint that decorates the kitchen splashed with grease stains from Nanny making her marvelous fried chicken. She was just a tiny thing sitting in her Nanny's lap in that small kitchen listening to Nanny's voice sing with laughter while girl-chatting with the vibrant women of the town. She doesn't want to let go of that sugar maple tree that covered her from the harsh world. It's branches and limbs a haven that never judged. The green leaves shaking in the breeze dancing on her skin. The books that consoled her spirit. She doesn't understand why the wave of doubt ebbs through her. She's wanted out of this stifle town since she opened a book and found magical places outside her own. But this place has her peace. Eatonton has her mother.

She will never tell anyone that she secretly wishes her father will knock on her door and swing her around their sunflower drenched yard. Is that why the uncertainty is staking her mind. She loves Fitz and she wants to be with him. She wants their family, but what if her father comes for her. He comes traveling through town looking for his little girl. Foolish is how she feels she doesn't know his voice. His face is a mystery. Truthfully she's been searching for him in her face. The high round cheek bones that peak like mountains on her face, sweet brown eyes and eyes lashes that bloom. She tries to find traces of him in all the crystal glass mirrors her reflections find, but the only thing that stares back is her mother. She's facing an apartheid of the heart. She knows she will always be her mother's daughter.

She glides through the red clay her sandals slapping against the rocky terrain. She finds an enormous stone dented into the soil. She rest on the surface her body aching from her trek. She throws the wooden popsicle stick on the ground. She picks away at the tulips planted in the rare grassy plain beside her. She chuckles at the absurdity of the radiant flowers contrasting with the hard worn Georgia clay. She's needed this time to find herself to not forget Olivia Pope. Who's Olivia Pope she wonders. A bend of contradictions. She, a valedictorian, pregnant with her first child on her graduation day. Olivia Pope frightened by love falls so deep in love with Fitzgerald Grant. She's becoming a mother in nine months and she's never even held a baby doll. Elaine's words biting back at her_, "Olivia you're going to be waddling around that big college campus with all eyes glued to you." _Will she be able to handle the questioning stares, she's not sure if she's strong enough. The hardest part of her is angry at Fitz. It's an epiphany that's woven in resentment. She's knows it's unfair but this, her entire life is unfair. His belly wont swell the size of a beach ball, his body won't become his own personal hell. The snickers and jeers will never downpour upon his ears.

She crushes the petals in her fingers the anger rising in her. She slips off her sandals her feet meeting the lumpy clay. She prances into the soil her toes squeezing the hard earth. There is magic in her hips she's not sure why she starts dancing but it's better than the tears. She twirls in the atmosphere her svelte legs forming a pirouette. She always wanted to be a ballerina to bend her body in flexible shapes. She feels silly and her breath is short but the movement won't leave her body. Her need is exploding it feels like volcanoes have erupted in her veins. She wishes she could fly then her soul wouldn't sink.

* * *

Olivia strolls back home her dress sticking to her like a second skin. Her stomach rumbles loudly. She glances at Fitz's home as she saunters pass, his car isn't there. She's slightly disappointed he's been sneaking into her back window every night it's odd to her how they can hardly sleep without each other now. This love overwhelms her makes her feel out of control. She doesn't ever want to imagine a life without him, but she does and a sharp pang in her heart constructs. She washes away the thoughts swallowing hard searching for her key inside her purse. She finds the key unlocking the door swinging it open.

"Livvie." The voice is faint it causes the hair on the back of neck to stand. This voice has haunted her dreams. Sleep becoming a nightmare.

"Momma." Olivia says her voice a broken whisper.

Her mother is seated on the sofa next to Nanny. Maya Pope is hardly the woman in Olivia's blurred memory. Her face without any visible wrinkles, skin mimicking the shade of drizzled caramel. Olivia is puzzled by the silky tresses lying loosely on top of her head. She's envious of her mother's flawless hair. She doesn't look like a woman who has spent thirteen years in a mental institution. Olivia stands at the door her feet rooted in place. She thinks to run, or even pinch herself. She watches her mother stand and approach her.

"Livvie honey hug your mother." Maya says.

Olivia panics she fidgets then shifts out of reach. "Don't touch me." She shrieks.

Nanny's face turns stern." Olivia Carolyn Pope." She scolds.

Olivia's back is planted against the front door. She refuses to move any further. Her heart weighing a thousand pounds the rest of her body irrelevant.

Olivia gives Nanny a pleading look. "Nanny what is she doing here? How did she get out?" Olivia questions.

She wipes the sweat forming on her face. Nanny motions for Olivia to take a seat. Olivia shakes her head disapproving she remains against the door. Olivia see's a smile playing on her mother's lips. She not sure how to feel. It's a smile that she's yearned for, but she also doesn't trust her. Nanny dusts off her linen dress making her way to Olivia. She gathers Olivia in her arms. Olivia sighs, feeling the tension spiraling out of her body.

"Nanny what is she doing here?" She whimpers into her chest.

Nanny rubs her back. "It's ok Livvie. I'm here, your safe, I promise. She's not going to hurt you."

Olivia leaves her embrace, tears streaming down her face she looks into Nanny's eyes.

"Why is she here?"

Nanny takes a thoughtful breath. "She's back Livvie. They released her, called while you were gone and they brought her home to us."

Olivia's arms flail. "No Nanny!" She nearly screams. "They don't just release people like her! Olivia points, her finger a scarlet letter. "She was a monster Nanny. Don't you think it's odd after thirteen years she's suddenly normal."

Maya interject stepping towards her. "Livvie I'm better now. I can be the mother to you I never was." Olivia battles with the words her mother has spoken, this person is a stranger.

Olivia closes her eyes counting to ten. When she opens them her mother and grandmother are staring at her anxiously.

Her voice is harsh when she speaks. "You left me in a hot car in the dead heat of summer. I was only five years old. I could have died. What kind of mother were you then huh? For so long I couldn't sleep because it would feel like I was suffocating all over again." She stops her breath caught in her throat. The nausea stirs inside her she has to get her thoughts out before they become vomit instead.

"You're here in my house expecting a family reunion. This isn't the Cosby show. What did you expect me to do," she motions. "Leap into your arms and yell Mama." She flings all her ugliness at her.

Nanny touches her arm. Olivia almost flinches her body betraying her. The lime popsicle and blueberry jam covered biscuits and crisp bacon she had for breakfast races in her stomach. Before she can skip to the bathroom the vomit lands on her palms winding down the front of her dress.

"Livvie!" Both Nanny and Maya exclaims.

Olivia's legs weaken and she crumbles falling down on her knees. She's so exhausted and she just wants to leave her body for awhile living in it seems like an unbearable chore.

"Maya get me a hot wash cloth and a towel." Nanny tells Maya. Maya runs to the bathroom moving at a frantic pace.

Nanny scurries down to Olivia lifting her head in her lap. She rubs her forehead kissing it gently.

"You're going to be ok." She assures. Olivia closes her eyes feeling the warm cloth brushing along her skin. She doesn't move. She's tired of fighting.

The chaos that simmered an hour before has drowned under the sizzling pop of the pork chops splashing in the cooking oil. Olivia finds herself in her bed wrapped in a cocoon of blankets. Her hands find her belly she sighs when she feels the slight protruding bump. The worry is unnecessary she's hardly showing.

She's not sure what happened to her. She recalls the shock of seeing her mother and then throwing up all over herself, but everything else is a blank reel. She peels the blankets off her body stretching out of bed, her bones crack lengthening into place.

She moves to the closet it's not much left most of her things packed away just the necessities reserved. She tries on an ancient night gown that she hadn't realized she still had. The fabric itched under her skin, but she doesn't remove it.

She leaves her room careful not to move too quickly. When she opens the door she's met by the concerned stares of her mother and Nanny. Suddenly she feels sick all over again. Her eyes travel her mother's face. A sincerity pools in her eyes. Olivia's gut flinches. The anger and reluctant fear has subsided substantially, but she is still on guard. She's honestly too exhausted for any fiery rage.

Nanny gives her a weak smile that Olivia doesn't have the strength to return. The stress of the previous hour has seeped inside of her skin she covers her arms around her middle creating a flesh shield. The battle is the crossed legged woman carrying her exact DNA sitting in her living room.

She saunters further into the room standing at the edge of the coffee table. She can feel her mother's eyes roving over her body paying particular attention to her midsection. She hugs herself tighter. Too afraid to sit she stands her knees grazing the fine wood of the table.

The silence in the room is palpable. Olivia wrings her hands biting her lower lip wishing for a crimson drip to pierce the tip of her tongue. Nervous, deep thoughts cripple her mind, her tongue wrapped in a bundle of twisted laces. The words scraped her tonsils sitting at the back of her throat. She isn't sure what to say.

Her mother's voice coaxes the anxious quiet out of the room. "Olivia, sit down please. I am not going to hurt you." She says.

Olivia snarls. "Can you imagine why that is hard for me to believe? You weren't exactly the most caution person when I was a child."

Her voice cracks slightly. "I'm having a baby." She confesses quietly. "I'm in love with guy who can't heal the scars you created, but he damn sure tries to. I don't need my bat-shit crazy mother raining on my parade." Maya gasps, her fingers trapped over her mouth.

"Olivia Carolyn Pope!" Nanny admonishes in a harsh whisper. "One more curse word leaves your mouth and I'm putting you across my knees." She warns.

Olivia eyes lifts to her mother's face and there's sympathy in her eyes. It's a tortured sympathy that Olivia wishes wasn't there. Her limbs unexpectedly tingle. The look is unfair it climaxes the anger writhing in her gut. She begs not to succumb to the longing snipping away at the resentment and fury. She shoulders the awkward breeze, stepping back her footsteps trailing to the tan armchair seated alongside the sofa. She relaxes fully in to the comfy cushion.

"I can't stay here tonight." Olivia begins. "I can't breathe in this house." She speaks thinly.

Nanny's dark brown eyebrows were arched and her full lips frowned. "And just where you think you're going tonight, in a night gown nonetheless."

"Fitz."

Nanny nods disapprovingly her face a tight scowl. "Olivia I think it's best if you stay home with your mother and I tonight. Maybe you shouldn't trouble Fitz and Elaine so suddenly."

"I don't want to be here. I think it's best if I sleep over his place tonight."

Maya speaks up. "Livvie we're your real family. You can't run away from us."

"Like you did? Olivia remarks. "Going away in your mind and none of us could find you. I don't blame you for your mental illness, but I won't let you sit here and talk about us being a real family. Everything I have is because of Nanny, not you." She can't contain the indignation kindling at the throne of her madness.

She sighs before continuing, lungs charred and crisp she inhales, her words a fire. "Fitz is my family. " A tight grimace itches on her lip. "Everything I've had has been borrowed or fragmented. My family flipped apart." The tears dance on her face. "I'm making my own family and it couldn't be the worst timing in the world." She cries. "I need this even if it only it last for a minute. I need to know that my life is fixable."

"A baby won't fix your trouble, Livvie." Maya say, nearly gnashing at her own words.

A profound sadness ignites that Olivia cannot contain. Her body tightens against the cushion the soft foam suddenly feeling like bricks denting her skin. She stumbles up onto her feet Maya's words taunting her, leaving and almost irreversible doubt at the pool of her feet. Olivia prays to leave Big Foot sized steps in the carpet needing to quell her unrelenting gloom. It beckons her entire attention she swallows it away. She easily moves to the front door her fingertips trembling rapidly to turn the knob. The smooth steel is a relief from the oppressive heat tumbling through her home. She drowns out the yells from Nanny deafness covering her eardrum.

The stale heat paints her face she shuts the door swiftly her legs canons in the wind. She doesn't look back; afraid she will inherit telekinetic powers and burn her house down. The concrete scratches the balls of her bare feet she hisses at the sensation a delight wrapping around the twinge of pain and pleasure. She needs to feel the pain she welcomes it. She finds her breaths short and hiccupped she darts into the middle of the road her strides rolling through her legs bolting into speed at the curl of her toes. Olivia shuts her eyes tight briefly to stop the tears dangling at the corner of her eyes. They come quickly any way blurring her vision.

Olivia reaches the French front door of Fitz's home she bangs the surface with her palms. She's sobbing openly now not able to overhaul the floating storm clouds that burgeon. She waits impatiently for the door to open her feet stinging with pain. She shifts from one foot to the other withstanding the discomfort minimally. She presses the door bell unceasing to move her pointer finger from the electric nub.

The door hovers open she pushes it ajar falling into the door frame her body a fragile ball of weary.

"Olivia." Fitz shouts his strong arms carrying her inside. She curls into his body nearly convulsing from her sobs.

"What in the hell is going?" Elaine asks. She takes in the site of Olivia gulping audibly when she notices the burgundy drips falling from her feet.

"Oh my god honey she's bleeding." Elaine scrambles to kitchen frenzied in pursuit of a clean cloth. She shuffles through the many drawers nearly exclaiming with triumph when she finds a white dish towel. She pours it under the warmth of the water squeezing it marginally then rushing back into the family room.

Olivia feels her weight shift but her body remains tight against Fitz chest. He moves them to the floor she takes comfort in his freshly vanilla scent.

"Liv, sweet. Liv." He whispers in her hair. "What the hell happened to you?"

She breathed in exasperation. "I don't know." It is all she can manage.

His lips kiss her temple her sobs subsiding. She feels the heated cloth gently brushing at the bottom of feet. She peers down at the top of Elaine's shaggy loose curls. She appreciates the determined care she uses to clean the sole of her feet.

"Oh Olivia dear please tell us what happened." Elaine begins. "Did someone hurt you is that why your bare feet and wearing a night gown. Do we need to call the police?" She questions concern and worry twisted on her face.

She whimpers bracing both hands on Fitz shoulder she's never felt so empty.

"No." she croaks. "My mom is home." She states simply. The calm whirl of the overhead fan brisk over her skin. The cool air is a comfort.

Elaine blows a raspberry. "What's so bad about that Liv?"

"Mom-" Fitz starts but Olivia interrupts.

"I haven't seen her in nearly thirteen years."

"Oh well was she on vacation." Elaine lets out an awkward chuckle trying desperately to make light of the situation.

"Mom!" Fitz yells.

She looks down at Elaine giving a weak smile. "No, Elaine she was in a mental institution. She has bipolar disorder. "

Olivia words create darts of a slippery magnitude. Both Elaine and Fitz shift in their skin. Elaine's face turns a pale shade.

"Did she hurt you?" Elaine asks. It's a harmless question, but it's loaded with complexity.

Olivia shakes her head. "No, not physically." She whispers. Fitz cradles her head in the palm of his hands tenderness breathes in his fingertips a shiver of sweetness wavers in her spine.

Elaine tidies up Olivia's wound fetching the mini first aid kit. The adhesive bandage dangles in the air before Elaine places at the center of Olivia's foot. She pats it securely with her fingertips.

"All better Liv." She quirks. She squeezes Olivia hand then lightly pats her cheek.

"I'm sorry about your mom. You can stay here tonight. I will patch everything up with your grandmother. I think it's best if I go over and talk it out. It's the respectful thing to do." She smiles then continues. "Of course I want to make sure this is ok with you sweetheart." She pats her shoulder.

Olivia nods. "Thank you Elaine I would really appreciate that."

"Great!" She stands her hand placed leisurely in her hips. "Well I'm going to leave you too. I need to freshen up a bit. Fitz take care of her."

Fitz lifts them from the floor attempting to place Olivia on the sofa she clings to his shirt.

"I don't want to be away from you just let me be super needy today." She murmurs. A melancholy smile dooms Fitz face. The heartbreak an accidental suicide. He anchors her body to him and swiftly carries her to his bathroom. He places her on the marble counter kissing her delicately on the lips. He turns twisting the knob of the bath tub faucet. Her legs dangle on the lower cabinets. While waiting for the tub to fill he turns moves between her legs kissing her again. His kisses make her warm. They aren't enough to remedy the arctic flow of her heart. His hand strokes along her arm soothingly her breathing a static hiccup.

"You scared me so much today." He breathes.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize."

I just needed you so much." Tears flutter at the fringe of her eyelashes. He kisses them away.

"I'll take care of you tonight and forever."

"Ok." She whispers finally.

"No more tears I can't see you cry anymore. We have to start thinking about the health of our baby. A sad mommy equals a sad baby."

She leans back hastily, fleetingly worrisome at the morose nature of his voice. He twist around twirling the faucet to a stop. His fingers dip into the water checking the temperature.

"I'm scared." She admits to the fear that had been eating at her. It crept into her veins jumping in her bloodstream.

His hands cover her face. "I am too, but one of us has to be brave. Just let me take care of us, Livvie." His voice momentarily stern. "I don't want you to worry about anything. Only thing I ask is that you stay strong for me. Strong for yourself. Your job is to go to SCAD dazzle everyone with your poetic prowess while also being filled with a little human."

Adoration blooms inside of her. He is a kind man. She deserves his love.

A giggle reaches her throat it surprises them both. He brushes away the tracks of her tears with his thumb.

"I love you." He says fluidly then he's reaching for the hem of her night gown extending it off her body. He shudders at her exposed skin. The quiet throb of her bones itch in emanation. He pulls the straps of her bra down her shoulders. She hunches forward allowing him to disconnect the silk bra. He does something unexpected he takes her brown puckered nipple into his mouth suckling soft. She purrs into his neck her body bowing into his.

"Fitz-"she moans. He moves his lips with a pop her nipples blossoming in the air.

His tongue glides down her belly he kisses just below her navel.

"Little one." He mumbles placing his ear against her stomach. He lets out a soft little chord of delight. He knows there's no movement to be felt yet, but the consciousness of a clump of living cells creating a five pound being leaves him wonderstruck.

He peels the lace panties off her thighs. A noiseless groan escaped his throat. He nuzzles his nose into her heated core. A tremble of quakes spiral at the tender point of her flesh.

"Mine." He sighs deliciously pinching her ample cheeks.

"Ah Fitz." A rattled lisp rages on her lips. He culls her by her bottom she whimpers into his hair. He places her gently in the tub her body swaying in the heated pond. He lifts her wounded foot gently peeling away the bandage. He kisses the cracked scratched lines on her foot. The kisses a pleasured rhapsody. The tease of his tongue swirling along her toes. She squeals, squirming the water sloshing out the tub.

She leans back into the tub allowing Fitz to gently wipe the dust of her life away. The gentle strokes of the wash cloth strove down every curve of her body. The cloth glides every peak crevice of her body. She knows that it is his love in the back of his fingertips. She loves him because his love isn't just words.

The bath finishes and he bundles her in yellow towel. She morphs under the terry cloth. Fitz snickers joking that she looks like a corn dog smothered in mustard. He earns a slap on the chest for his quip. She stands at the edge of his bed shivering under the breeze of the cool air.

"Fitz I'm cold." She whines impatiently. The water slides down her clean skin. Olivia yawns flopping down on the bed.

Fitz searches his closet for a sweatshirt and underwear. He slings a large Navy sweater onto his back and rips open a new set of boxers taking a pair in his hand. He comes back to a nearly sleeping Olivia. She's cuddled up to his pillow the towel inching up her skin. He sighs placing the sweatshirt and underwear back in the closet.

He unravels the towel from her body, uncovering the comforter he places her under the heavy sheet. He buries his face in the waves of her ink black hair kissing her cheek lightly. He just wants to make her world a better place. Maybe it is heroism, but Olivia Pope needs a hero right now. The peace on her face is a welcome comfort to the furrowed brows and tear strained sheens. He doesn't want her happiness to only come in a dream. He needs her happiness in the melodic chortle of her laughter, in the round expressiveness of her eyes and that blush honey face. Her happiness is a blossom for his heart.

He slides under the comforter alongside her his clothes strewn across the floor. He wraps a strong arm around her naked waist pulling her closer. His cheek nestled in her hair. This is bliss, he thinks.

A tumbleweed of snarling emotion nip at her insides. She wakes in a blur Fitz strong arm acting as a metaphorical armor against her own kinetic ebullition. She slides toward the edge of the bed and sit ups her toes wiggle at the cool wood of the floor.

Fitz arm dangles at her waist. She smiles taking it and crossing it over his chest. She searches for something comfortable to dress her body in. She cracks open his closet door sniffing through the sparsely arranged hanger laden clothes. She finds a NAVY sweatshirt and boxers on the top shelf. She sniffs the sweatshirt Fitz masculine scent tingling her nostrils. She holds onto the clothes rail toeing one foot after another into the boxers. The elastic snapping upon her navel. She's wearing Fitz underwear she can't help but giggle. She burrows into the cottony warmth of the fabric it hits the top of her thighs.

* * *

A stark hush mars the deep quiet of the house. Olivia moves easily down the stairs and heads to kitchen. She drifts into the room surprised to see Elaine chopping away at plump strawberries. Olivia thinks to walk back up the stairs but decides to stay.

"Can't sleep." Elaine speaks startling Olivia slightly. She peers at her with concerned blue eyes.

"No, just hungry." She explains.

Elaine motions her over. "Take a seat strawberries and yogurt on me."

She slides onto the cool wooden chair the unexpected cold shocking her skin. She watches Elaine deftly slice the strawberries into two miniature bowls. She scoops a healthy dollop of yogurt around the strawberries.

"Enjoy." Elaine says sliding the bowl in front of Olivia handing her a spoon out the drawer.

"Thanks." She takes a spoonful in her mouth delighted by the twist of tart and sweet.

A comfortable silence edges at the seams the clink of the spoons hitting the glasses bowl echoes. This feels so utterly normal but so foreign to Olivia. She won't fool herself into thinking Elaine is some sort of replace mom, but she enjoys the false sense of surrogacy. Yet she thinks of Nanny and immediately her heart sinks. The yells pitched of her name reverberate in a tunnel in her mind. She could have turned around and faced the forced family reunion, but everything was out of sync.

"You look just like your mother." Elaine says out of thin air.

Olivia raises her head. "I know it's a curse." she replies quietly.

"She's a very charming woman. I imagined something short of terrible, but she surprised me. She was so unbelievably-"

Olivia interrupts. "Beautiful." She says wistfully. "That's how she tricks you. You can't a imagine a woman so beautiful doing such ugly things." Olivia shrugs trying to formulate her next words. "I know that the things she's done are all because of her bipolar, I get it. I'm just trying to reconcile that with my five year old self."

Elaine pats her hand. "I can't pretend to understand. Maybe it isn't my place to comprehend your life, but Fitz and I aren't going anywhere. It's going to take more than bipolar to turn us away."Maybe schizophrenia that's a dozy." She laments.

Giggling, "Thank you, but I still feel like I'm betraying my Nanny. What did she say?"

"She was pretty upset and wanted you to come home immediately, but I calmed her down a bit."

Olivia exhales. "It stills hurts."

Elaine nods a sad smile tugging her lips. "Can I tell you something about me Liv."

Olivia nods "I'm all ears."  
She watches Elaine sigh deeply her voice an impossible whisper. "When I met Fitz's father I was in college. We both were actually, he was an education major and I was really thinking about going to law school."

Shock paints Olivia face. "You the hippie. Never!" She jokes.

"It's true it was a family tradition and for awhile I was ok with that, they had a solid plan I was to marry the perfect lawyer husband and have his two adorable children. The plan was get the degree, don't plan for a career, because your husband's career is yours. His name was Brian and we were arranged to get married, but I met Fitzgerald."

"You fell in love."

"Yes, and I couldn't go through with the archaic charade. I betrayed my family, but my family betrayed me first when they tried to decide my life for me. What I'm saying is Liv, maybe you never forgive your mother, that's ok, but your life keeps moving. It doesn't stop because she's back. You go to Atlanta show the world pregnant girls have more fun and you have that precious baby and I bet he or she will be the next president of this nihilist country."

The words pins her to the edge. She's not sure whether to cheer or cry.

"I'm scared Elaine." Olivia admits. "I've been angry too, but fear controls me. Every time I think about going to college the movie Carrie comes to mind. I can hear the mother's voice in my head saying, "Their all going to laugh at you." It continuous and I think about all that Fitz is giving up. SCAD was his dream too and he loves me too much to ever admit that this is crushing him. I'm scared he will resent all of this one day." Tears brim at her eyes. She wipes them away.

Elaine takes Olivia's hand in hers. "Talk to him Liv. I promise what he says will surprise you and I know my son. When he loves someone he loves them fiercely. "

A yawn flows out of mouth. "I think I'm going to go back to bed." Olivia takes her bowl rinsing it and placing it in the dishwasher.

"Thank you, Elaine for this. Everything really."

"Goodnight Liv." Elaine smiles

"Goodnight"

Olivia edges out of the kitchen descending up the stairs. She creeps quietly into the bedroom staggering onto the bed careful not to wake Fitz. She falls into the plush mattress covering herself in the comforter. She tangles her limbs around his waist embracing the warmth of his body. A feather kiss lights his back she snuggles further into his slumbering form. This is home.

* * *

Side note :( Warning it may get really profane and negative so step away now if you not about that thug life!) SCANDAL FINALE! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK! My poor Olitz heart. I'm not exactly sure how I feel about Scandal as a whole completely. The third season was so dreadful. Honestly I'm not mad that Olitz isn't together. They are in an impossible situation, but Olivia running off with a guy that physically assaulted her. Bitch What! Where they do that shit at. Why didn't anyone tell me I was watching What's Love Got To Do With It.? You want to know what would have been bad-ass? If Olivia Pope hopped on that plane by her damn self with a vibrator in tow. (I'm thinking of taking a break from this story for like a week not because I'm heartbroken, but I want to crank out three chapters consecutively and I need time to write it all out.) Trust I'm not abandoning this story I just want to pick up the pace.( Sorry in advance if I offended anyone.)

SCANDAL WATCHERS ANNONYMOUS PSA: If the season finale has got you down I suggest watching episodes 1.06, 2.08 and 2.11. Also such reading anything by Running Gladiator. Just remember your heart will gone on. May the force be with you?


	8. Chapter 8

**(All belongs to Shonda Rhimes. Off With Her Head! )**

"It's funny Fitz it really is." A burst of laughter flies from the roof of her mouth." Your dad being a headmaster, because he definitely looks like he was a master pre-Civil War time."

The cardboard boxes spiral across the carpet. The bedroom is covered in pants, socks, pillows and Fitz favorite albums. Olivia works to fold the assorted clothes seated in her lap placing them neatly in a box once finished. She doesn't admit learning that his dad is a headmaster at a prestigious private school in Buckhead, surprises her. She secretly wondered upon meeting him if he owned a Turkish prison for delinquent youth. The thought makes her guffaw inside.

She peeks at him seeing the amusement playing on his lips. He arches an eyebrow licking his lips.

"Are you saying my dad looks like a slave master, Livvie?"

"Not exactly, but yea Fitz your dad gives me the vibe that if it were the 1700's he would totally own my ass."

He whacks her butt. "Hey I'm the only guy that owns your ass."

She giggles. "You're so possessive!"

He lifts to face her again his eyes swimming with sincerity. "Does it bother you Livvie?"

Confused Olivia stops folding his polo shirts. "Fitz, what are you talking about? I'm just kidding. You know you're my guy."

Fitz shakes his head. He reaches for her pulling her into his lap. She looks up at him giving him a wistful smile.

"Does it bother you that I'm white?"

She scrunches her nose. "That doesn't even make sense, Fitz. I think it's already been concluded that your white and clearly I don't have a problem with it. Does it bother you that I'm black?" She asks.

"No, of course not." He brushes his hair out of his face frustrated. "It's just sometimes I think about how the world is going to see our baby. Shit, how the world see's us in general. I got you knocked up in high school. We aren't married and it just looks really bad."

"Who cares about how it looks Fitz." Olivia says rising from his lap pacing silently along the floor. "How long have you been feeling this way? " She says visibly glaring at him across the room.

He waves his hand his face irked at the incredulity of her tone of voice. "No it's just you mentioning that my dad looks like a slave master it's just such an offhand thing to say. Funny, I will admit but I don't know anything about raising a half black kid. What if our daughter has your hair? Will I traumatize her for life by trying to style her hair one day when you're not home?"

Olivia laughs gliding to Fitz stroking his cheeks with her fingertips. "You are such a precious man. When we have our little girl which you're so certain of I will teach you how to style her hair." She continues. "The world doesn't dictate how we chose to love each other" She strokes his curls. "Fitz. I've seen the stares we get. Small town, small minds but I can't live in this bubble. Just promise me you don't have some long distance ancestors who founded the Ku Klux Klan." She quips.

Fitz laughs. "Well there is that cousin-"

"Fitz!" Olivia whines smacking his shoulder.

She moves further between his legs leaving hard pecks aligned on his lips "How about we go somewhere tonight. Just us."

Fitz chimes. "Joe's Tavern they have great barbeque."

"You know I hate barbeque."

"Ok but they have gyros, pasta and these really great chilly bacon burgers."

"Ew! That sounds like diarrhea on a platter."

"Don't knock it until you try it."

She felt dizzy. She hadn't eaten much since that had woken up. A granola bar and a green apple were making waves in her stomach. She braced herself on Fitz shoulder.

"Livvie," His voice littered with concern.

"I'm fine Fitz just a little dizzy."

Why don't you lie down? I can finish up myself." He suggests.

She nods not in the mood to argue. He can be pushy in regards to her health. It's endearing she will admit, but she doesn't want him treating her like an invalid. He hoisted her in the air her bottom sticking up.

She squeals like a little girl. "Fitz put me down. I'm going to throw up on you." She was in his hands literally.

"Say the magic words."

"I love you." She shrieks.

He lays her gently on the bed covering her with his shawl. He tucks her in. She smiles.

"Can I have milk and cookies to?" She says innocently.

"No, Livvie you have been a very naughty girl." He plays along pinching the tip of her nose.

She pokes her tongue out. "I guess you forgot that your baby is inside of me. She challenges. "Get the cookies and milk or I will be forced to cause bodily harm." A devious smile teases her lip.

His weight dips the edge of the bed his face looming over hers. "Ok I get the milk and cookies, but you have to give me some Livvie cookies."

"You got a deal." A seductive glimmer in her eyes. She shivers at his soft breath dancing on her shoulder.

"Be right back. He jogs out the room a jovial pep in his step.

Fitz words lull in her brain. It's a burden that she dares not wish to utter, it speaks for itself. The liberal part of her has no worries that they aren't married. Why the hell should it matter? A marriage doesn't make it less tainted. She cringes at the memory of the stares bristled at her and Fitz when they kissed after graduation. It was such a miraculous moment for her to feel happy when everything was ripping at the seams.

"What wrong Liv." Fitz footsteps falter into the room.

She shrugs. "It's nothing," She shakes her head hoping he can't hear the uncertainty in her voice.

He sets the plate of cookies and cup of milk on the night stand. He pulls her into him.

"Fitz, she whispers. "We're so stupid, thinking we can conquer the world with our love. "A weighted laugh pierce the tension in the room she doesn't mean to laugh, it's not humorous but laughing doesn't hurt as much as tears.

He lets out a disappointed sigh. "How many of these conversations are we going to have, Liv?"

She flinches at the hardness in his voice. She unravels out of his lap seating crossed leg against the headboard. "So what we can talk about racism, but our actual relationship is just out of bounds."

"No, you know that's not what I mean. It's just how many times, do I have to tell you that everything is going to be ok."

"Nothing is ok Fitz."

"Wait what just happened. Five minutes ago Liv, your waxing poetic about how our love isn't dictated by the world. Now suddenly everything is all doom and gloom."

"Don't be condescending Fitz, it doesn't suit you." She replies smartly. "And that was different we were talking about how race affect this relationship, but now I'm starting to think about how all the other shit affects this relationship."

A panic grips him he's never seen her so unhinged. It frightens the life out of him. He reaches out to cup her face but she moves out his grasp. It stings like a nail driven into his heart.

"Liv what are you saying." His voice trembles he fights back at the wounds governing his heart.

"Self preservation, She begins her voice clipped. She crosses her arms over her chest. "I have to think about myself and this child. Nothing is guaranteed Fitz. This relationship or even Atlanta. "  
"Liv- "He tries to interrupt. She cuts him off.

"No, let me finish." She doesn't dare look into his eyes. She imagines it will be The Fall of Rome. Instead she concentrates on the threading of the shawl. It gives her manufactured strength.

"Have you ever thought about what it's going to be like for me? I've just been so angry and this love has clouded my judgment. It's made me a person I can't recognize. A girl who falls in love with every poetic thing that rolls off her boyfriend's tongue." Venom coats her words. It's unexpected and it leaves him reeling.

"Liv I didn't happen to you. I didn't ruin you. We jumped into this together. You're not some damsel in distress. God, don't I know that." He's not fighting her just the unwelcoming fear that sits in the depth of his stomach. It's blooming scraping against the ebullient joy that he's been so blinded by.

"I think about it constantly Liv, this entire thing, what it's done to you. I know none of it is perfect. If I could be the one who carries this baby I would, but I can't biology just doesn't work that way. What happened to us being in this together?" He asks disjointed rejection a puzzle piece sneaking its way in his life. The fragile mines of their love are going off and it hits them both in relentless pursuit. The real world nearly banging on their skulls.

Olivia bites her lip tears tickle the hoods of her eyes. She blinks them away. Strong is what she recites in her head. Strong is what she has to be if she's going to wake up every morning. Strong is Fitz love. Strong makes her feel weak. She finally looks into his eyes. They are a darker blue and it amazes her, the heartbreak that ripples in them. The love flutters effortlessly. The back of her fingers trace his soft lips. The touch makes him shiver. It seems he's been waiting for forever to feel her touch again.

"We are still in this together." Her mouth felt dry."You have to promise me, that we are going to make it. I'm tired Fitz, emotionally I have exhausted myself." Her voice prevails in a quietness that belies the conviction of her words." When I'm studying for a final exam, I need to know you will be right there rocking our child back to sleep. I need to know that we can survive, that all of this pain isn't forever. "

He leans his mouth to hers pulling her bottom lip into his mouth. It's a searing kiss that break opens the passion that was nearly stabbed by their own consternation.

"Liv, I promise." His lips get lost in her flesh a peck here a peck there. His fingers knotted in her hair. He gazes at her his eyes baring the secrets of his spirit.

"I promise. I will take care of you, our baby and everything else. It doesn't seem like anything is going to plan right now, but let's get to Atlanta everything will change. For the better I promise."

She lets his words lead her to assurance. Can this love be enough she's not really sure, they are bound together regardless.

* * *

The grass blades slice away at her feet. She wishes to itch the soft tingles away. They are sprawled on an Aztec blanket in the back of Fitz yard. His small FM radio whirling the jazz tunes into the air. She lays on her back while Fitz on his stomach. She twirls a sunflower against his ears.

"Does that tickle?" She asks watching the petals kiss his earlobe.

"Not much," He winks. "But I prefer if it was your lips instead of this flower."

"I bet you would."

He gives her a somber look. "You have to go home, Livvie. Nanny is only going to wait for so long. Whatever is happening with you and your mom make it better."

She kisses his hair burying her nose in the waves. "I know what I'm doing Fitz."

"You're running away. "

"No I'm not it's called giving myself time. Giving myself time to not think of my mother as a monster. I need to remember that she is human, and she didn't ask for her life."

"Therapy helps; maybe you guys could do family therapy." He suggests a hopeful look on his face.

She nods. "How about the blood of Jesus." She laughs nudging his shoulder.

She's been running away from her mother in her dreams is it so bad she wants to do the same outside of her nightmares?

She sprawls across his back laying a feather at the nape of his neck.

"I was so lonely Fitz."She barely whispers her voice a breathy hiccup. "You're my best friend. I don't know what it's like to let anyone in. I've never had friends, anyone I could share all of my secrets with. Walking the halls alone all those years." She sighs her words weighing a ton. "My books saved me, The Bluest Eye. Writing my poetry that saved me. I've been alone for a very long time."

Fitz turns flipping onto his back while holding Olivia steady with his arms. She squirms over trying to find a comfortable position. Fitz says nothing his heart beat a shadow. He looks at this soft, sweet, delicate girl and in his heart he knows he can't take an ice pick and overthrow the unfurled sadness that thaws the cartilage of her heart.

A woeful flush throbs his heart. He wonders when the sadness will be over for them. He's lifting up both of their worlds and it's an honest herculean feat because he's simply an eighteen year old boy. And if he's honest with himself he has nothing to offer Olivia, but his love. Is that even enough? His love was reckless and naïve, it got her pregnant. But he has a hope that is willful. She's such a realist he thinks, compartmentalizing all her troubles in packages stowed inside her. He knows she doesn't have the freedom to be idle. She doesn't have a father with endless connection. This small town would have sucked the life out of her. Yet he has to believe everything will be ok. His idealism that is so charming but a deadly sin in this awfully cruel world.

He gazes at her a look of longing discerns her face. His fingertips caress her cheek stroking her jaw line to her chin.

"You're not alone anymore." He says in a soft voice.

Her skin is a flush and humid sail and his hands are strumming it in a perfect tune. She falls upon his body her dainty breath whispering on the flesh of his neck. His palm skims the spine her back yielding tiny goose bumps. He wraps his arms tighter around her. His limbs a safeguard. He rocks her gently his heartbeat a thrumming symphony to her ears.

* * *

The chipped lavender teapot sits idly on the coffee table. Olivia is almost fascinated by the bright yellow italics that are on adorned on the teapot. She's seen it a million times before but today it's almost like a brand new gift. The ancient footsteps cause her to leave her forlorn trance. She peers up and Nanny and her mother are trailing each other into the living room. She chooses to take a calming breath although she feels like she just ran a thousand miles. The uneasiness sets into the room nearly strangling her. She can't help but be puzzled by the ambivalent smiles that paint their faces. A rage burns inside of her she does not care to stifle it. It is in that moment she realizes they are a united front. The antique walls have brought them together. Olivia isn't sure whether to cry or shout. She chooses to sit glued to the armchair. She watches them take a sit hip to hip. This is the only time she's wished for vomit.

Olivia looks to Nanny gazing into her eyes hoping to find that intrinsic current that keeps them connected. It is divided into two. The betrayal weakens this connection. Olivia almost cries but she understands tears are only liquid defeat in this moment. She's a featherweight challenging two heavyweights.

"Nanny." Olivia begins she straps a firmness to her voice but when she hears herself she finds her tone to weak.

"Glad you decided to come to your family Livvie." Nanny replies.

"I told you I needed space, but I'm back and I'm willing to talk."

"I see."

Olivia pushes on feeling the weight of her world crumbling into stone specks on top of her head. She can't help but flinch at the entwined clasped hands of Nanny and her mother. It's the final nail in the coffin. She looks to her mother who has a peaceful smile on her face. It threatens her. Why is this happening she doesn't deserve this?

"Nanny." Olivia tries again. "I just wanted to apologize" She stammers. "Elaine really gave me an interesting perspective on all of this."  
Nanny grimaces. "Is that so Livvie, well what exactly did she tell you. I'm sure she told you it was ok to run away from the people who love you the most. The people who raised you."

Olivia lets out a squeak the dust in her lungs suffocating her throat. "Nanny, where is this coming from? Just weeks ago Fitz, Elaine, you and I were a patch work family now suddenly that doesn't exist? This isn't you Nanny. I know who you are."

"You forget I know you too Livvie. I know the shy and quiet little thing that stayed closed off in her room all day. Now look at you." Nanny gestures towards Olivia. "Your pregnant, unwed, disrespecting your mother and me and running away from home."

"Nanny, stop. I didn't run away from home. You knew exactly where I was and Elaine came and smoothed this over."

"Livvie," Olivia almost smiles when Nanny's voice falls into a gentle timbre. She's suddenly relieved the hard edge has escaped her voice. She controls the urge to fall into her arms.

"Your mother and I think its best that you put off going to school until the baby is born, or at least you go to North Perimeter, somewhere local just so, so much stress isn't limited to you. Let's be honest Livvie how much do we honestly know about Fitz's father."

Olivia bites the inside of cheek she wishes for blood. Any type of pain to numb the dread splashing through her. She realizes her mother hasn't said a word that doesn't trouble her as much as the words just spoken by Nanny.

She flails her arm supremely riled. She doesn't care about the sharpness of her tone. "No, that wasn't the plan. I'm going to Atlanta I'm not putting this off. Your going with me that is the plan."

Olivia stands she starts pacing. "I don't care if she has to come along. I'm sure Fitz dad will understand. I don't care I'm just not leaving without you." She turns to Nanny. "Don't make me chose Nanny, because that isn't fair and you wouldn't like the outcome?"

Nanny stands to her feet. Olivia doesn't back away. Strong she recites in her head. Strong for me. Strong for my baby.

Nanny jams a finger into her face. "Olivia Carolyn Pope is you threatening me?" Her voice is high-pitched. The southern twang is breathing fire to her voice. She damns all grammar rules. "I don't take kind to threats. I'm not sure what magic potion Fitz has put on you but I suggest you snap out of it and recognize who you're talking to."

Olivia shakes her head. "She's brainwashed you. You don't know her either and already you're a different person, Nanny. You're the one under a spell." Olivia fidgets her eyes traveling from Nanny and her mother. "I will die in this place if I stay here any longer. Nanny we are going to Atlanta. I can't do any of this without you."

Olivia falls back into the chair a dizziness taking over her. She slumps into the cushions she's suddenly so tired. "I know you're happy she's back and maybe a apart of me is too, but look at what this is doing to us Nanny." She pauses. "This isn't making us good people, were forgetting that we love each other."

They have fallen into an uncomfortable space. She felt like Cinderella locked away in her own internal closet. She purposely wishes to lose her glass slipper. She thinks of the cruel irony of them. Mothers and daughters. It's enough to make her weep for centuries. Nanny, having to put her own daughter away, her mother taken away from her. The promise of motherhood a thin thread that snaps at the slightest touch. Life's fingertips gripping her in a chokehold. She can't think to forgive her mother it's a gigantic up heave that will take years to throttle.

Nanny moves away from Maya her steps laborious. Her very own encumbrance augmented in her footprints. She gently rest at Olivia's lap, her hands braced on her kneecaps. Maya watches her eyes very calm, she's smiling a little.

Olivia looks at the wrinkled fingertips lying delicately at her knee. Nanny touches her belly, staring at her. The soft touch feels like an apology or a plea. She's not quite sure her gut is unraveling. It's an ocean that is shark infested, birthed in shuddering colossal waves.

The wisp of Nanny's lips press her forehead .She knows now it's an apology, but she's not sure what for. Olivia bites her lips to bay the swell of tears.

"All my life Livvie, I've been here for everyone else. I stopped my life for your mother and I stopped my life for you." She pauses and a broken smile edging at her lips. "You're going to be a mother and this precious baby will know their mother." She quietly admits." I never got to raise my baby the world took her before I even really knew her. She's here and yes it does seems strange, but let me raise my baby the way you so desperately want to raise yours."

"But what about Atlanta! Don't do this to me." Olivia cries out.

"Hush Livvie you're a big girl" She takes her hand in hers. "This is my home. Everyone I know is here. I lived my life, but I won't stop you from living yours. Think about what I said you can always wait a year. If not Atlanta isn't that far I say I can visit at least twice a month. I can promise I will be there when you bring this little angel into the world. You and Fitz are a family now that should be your focus. I have to repair my own."

"Nanny I am your family." Olivia nearly yells. She will never forget this heartbreak.

"Damn straight you are and don't forget it." Her voice suddenly stern. "But this isn't about blood being thicker than water. Maybe it was before because I was hurt and I needed to place my anger somewhere." Nanny blinks away her own tears. "Your dreams are important Livvie and they are way bigger than this place."

Olivia rises from the armchair. Every cell in her body impaired. She's afraid to speak because every words sound like defeat. She's such a poet but she can't formulate a proper response. She understands clearly that Nanny isn't choosing sides, but it definitely feels like it. Oh heartbreak how she wishes she could haunt it somehow, but it has stuck it's fangs inside of her gnawing her flesh decaying the bones. She suddenly absorbs a pity for herself. She's sorry that she trapped in her awkward body. She's sorry that her father didn't want her. She's sorry she had nightmares about the night. But she's is tired of being melancholy's whipping girl.

"Nanny I leave in two weeks." Olivia manages to say.

"We will help you pack Livvie." Maya finally speaks.

She bites away the smart remark dripping on her tongue. She faintly smiles instead. "That will be nice."

Nanny takes her seat back on the sofa. Her mother someone mysterious and unknown to her

Olivia doesn't dare look in their direction. If she does she will die, wilt away into an oblivion. She carries herself to her bedroom her footsteps weighing a ton. She goes inside her room inhaling the memories, wishing them to flood her brain. She stumbles onto her bed diving head first. The harsh breath she takes makes way for the flood of tears that ravage her face like a pack of hyenas. She doesn't wish to be quiet about her pain. Angry tears that are filled with balloons of resentment burn the cotton of her pillowcase.

She hopes they can hear the sobs that only they have caused. Maybe it is because her strangled cries pierce her ears she doesn't hear the sudden footsteps shuffling through her door. Neither does she feel the comforting weight sinking alongside her. The arms link around her midsection. The familiar lavender scent makes her sink underneath her tears.

"It's ok Livvie Nanny is here."

A/N: Are you guys still alive after the finale?! Once again thank you so very much for the thoughtful, kind and smart reviews. It's always really interesting to see your perspectives on this story. I hope this chapter wasn't really confusing.

Review let me know how you feel!


	9. Chapter 10

**Trigger Warning: There is a mention of violence in this chapter if that isn't your thing I apologize in advance. It's ok if you don't read this chapter if you are affected by violent written imagery.**

The blood from his fist dots her simple white tulle dress. The dress is ruined the blood an unforgivable stain. She searches his face imagines him a little boy. Curly haired and full of shocks of sensitivity protecting misfits kids in the cafeteria. He was a warrior with tears on his face. The night was supposed to be perfect their final night in Eatonton a simple goodbye to the place that tried to bury their dreams. She wills herself not to cry. She now abundantly notices the stares that are plastered on the strangers face. In retrospect they were always there she was just so blinded by the light of their love. She clings to Fitz tighter it's almost childish the way she wraps herself into his body.

No she doesn't live in a racial oblivion, but the ripe air of animosity strangles her. The divide is stark the staggered white faces knotted in ire. For the first time in her life she understands the absurdity of prejudice. The police officers drone on, but their words are phantom. She hears nothing because the ugly awful mean faces taunt her, makes her feel filthy like waking up in her skin is an immoral sin.

The officers finish their questions seeking out the inquiries of the witnesses. She prays that they don't admit the truth that Fitz began it all. But bravo to him, because it was a all glorious. She watches them scatter into the open field searching for possible stories mimicking of the victim. Everyone seems all too eager to recount their versions of what happened.

She feels Fitz tremble beside her. He can't help it he's a guy that's fiercely protective of the ones he loves especially his girl. His Livvie. The officers saunter back over to them their faces cold and systematic. She sees the slight gleam in their eyes. The steel metal rings whip out of their pockets at the same time. They smirk to each other.

"Son you are under arrest." The metal pinches Fitz skin but he doesn't wince. The tears slide down his face he doesn't have it in him to be stoic.

Olivia thinks she will faint. Somewhere in time she thinks of Fitz in a barred cell. His hair growing longer and curlier. She a single mother left in the dust of this fragile town. These thoughts alone make her weep.

_**Hour Before**_

The night crackling gaze paints shadows across their skin. The sticky heat warms their skin the freeze of the slush ice drink their only reprieve. She's pulled between his legs their feet rubbing against one another. The large film projector reels the film _The Deer Hunter_. It's Eatonton annual film in the park. Families and lovers lay lazily along their blanket s. She never used to go to these sorts of things preferring to stay at home watching black and white film's with Nanny.

Olivia begs herself not to think of leaving her Nanny she chooses to be happy. Nanny chose her happiness and Olivia clings to hers. The relationship between her and her mother is still stale and not really mentionable. She jeered at her efforts to form some kind of bond, but Olivia just couldn't bring herself to fall under the spell. She will admit she admired her persistence buying her favorite blueberry jam and a book of Langston Hughes poetry. The deeds wrecked her nerves she couldn't decide how to make sense of any of it. It was easier to stay silent.

She's trying to pay attention, but Fitz kisses are her undoing. She giggles into his chest his heart beat thundering in her ear. They are gleeful because in a few hours they will be starting a new life. The euphoria is infectious.

Her eyes stare intently at the majestic face of Meryl Streep she reaches for the popcorn delving her hand into the buttery bucket smacking her teeth when she only feels air.

"Fitz." She whines. "You ate all the popcorn."

His lips brush against her cheek. "You're lucky you're cute. I won't hold it against you for shoveling most of the popcorn in your mouth. "  
She pinches his wrist. "You forget your child is inside of me and is determined to make me a fat sea monster."

"Ouch." He nuzzles his nose into her neck. "You're a little meanie and I wouldn't care if you were a fat sea monster. You would be my little fat sea monster."

"Get the popcorn Fitz." She chuckles.

"Bossy." He charms rising from behind her careful to not hit her with his feet. He grabs his shoes out the grass placing the brown flip flops on his feet.

He holds his hand out to her. "You coming along."

She nods taking his hand and slowly getting to her feet. He swats her bottom affectionately.

She squeals. "Pervert."

They trail along the grass mindful of the speckled limbs aligned in the open space. Their hands swing in unison their love the bright pop of fireworks. They find themselves at the concession counter Fitz hands her a twenty dollar bill.

"Get what you want. I have to go to the bathroom." He kisses her cheek. She watches him waltz away to the portable restrooms stationed along the concrete.

She smiles at the friendly attendant.

"Hi what can I help you with?"

"A large popcorn, twizzlers, skittles, milk duds, and a cherry slushy." She says all of this in one breath.

"Coming up." The attendant exclaims.

Olivia stands idly at the counter she yawns stretching her limbs. Surprised by the tight hold of her elbow she turns thinking its Fitz, but snatches away quickly when facing the leery gaze of a stocky, greasy guy.

"Now what is a little thing like you doing here all alone?" He spits in the grass.

Olivia's insides cringe she searches for Fitz over his head. He steps closer his breath on her cheek. She pushes him away.

"Back up I don't know you and my boyfriend will be here shortly." She manages trying to cull a defiant strength to her voice.

She fidgets on her feet standing awkwardly aside the concession counter. She looks to the others in line hoping someone will speak up in her defense. It dawns on her that she's the only black person in this sea of white faces.

Causing any trouble could lead to a very unwanted encounter. She realizes she is black and slapping this guy in the face isn't the smartest thing to do. She moves away from the counter walking to the portable restrooms. She crosses her arms leading herself to a safe path. She rubs the nape of her neck her breath rapid drum beats. She doesn't think to look behind her she just has to get away from the lurking eyes.

"Hey brown sugar why did you walk away from me." The voice is like a bucket of ice water dropped on her head.

She curls her lips wagging a finger in his face. "Please leave me alone. I'm just waiting for my boyfriend. He's in one of these restrooms." She backs into plastic door he comes closer his fingertips inches away from her breast.

"Pretty little thing you are acting all scared." He grabs her arm pulling her flush to him. Olivia lets out a muffled scream. The stares of the people surrounding them stings her face. She doesn't know what to do a creeping numbness sitting at the pit of her belly. She tries to move but he blocks her way. She searches into the night looking for anyone to help her. She hears a loud whistle and a few catcalls. The onlooker's stare but no one budged to help. She moves again to get out of his grasp but he pulls her tighter. He was stronger than he looked she decides in that moment out of sheer despair to punch his face. She misses landing behind his ear. The lusty gaze crumbles and a rage that spooks her takes over his face. If she wasn't afraid before she is now. She tries slapping him but he catches her hand with a lightning quickness. Helpless she closes her eyes waiting for the ground to fall right beneath her feet.

Swiftly, almost from thin air Fitz grabs the guy by the hair knocking him to the ground. He picks him up throwing him against the plastic door pummeling him in a fury of punches. Olivia screams a maddening scream that echoes into the wind calling the birds out of their slumber. The crowd has enlarged circling around them. Olivia reaches for Fitz holding onto his elbow with all her might. She notices the two officers nearly sprinting amongst the crowd. They cross the human thresholds commanding with a wave of silence. She pries Fitz hands off the guy's neck leading him into her arms. The guys lays bleeding and moaning in the grass. Some from the crowd run to his rescue. The tears don't come quick enough for Olivia. She practically forces them to dim her eyes. She is the victim. She was the one nearly assaulted.

She tugs Fitz further along stopping only inches away from the puzzling scene. Olivia traps a hand over her mouth expelling the vomit from her throat. Fitz rubs her back holding her hair from her face. It's a much needed purge. She can't think everything a jigsaw puzzle. She wipes her mouth straightening her back. Fitz wraps her into a crushing hug nearly swallowing her whole with his body. She cries into his neck her tears his very own sin.

"My sweet, Liv." He buries his face in her hair. "I'm so sorry."

She can't speak her voice ruptured. Out the corner of her eyes she sees the cops approach them. She pulls away from Fitz.

"Fitz the police." She mutters. Her hands shakes she beats them against her thigh. Fitz takes her wrists into his hand pulling her into his chest.

They meet the eyes of the sturdy police officers.

"Could one of you possibly explain to us what happened?"

_**Present**_

"Wait!" Olivia screams. The officers stare at her like she is a mad woman.

"Take me with you. Arrest me too. You can't leave me alone here. These people will hurt me." She pleads bringing her wrist forth to their stunned faces. If you asked her what she was doing she would say that she isn't really sure, but love is tricky thing.

The officers shake their head bemused by the spectacle that is their job. They aren't good guys, but they can't help but be stunned by the love tug of war. It's all madness.

Fitz snaps. "Livvie no, take your butt to mom's house. " He tries to move out the tight grasp of the officers but they yank him backwards.

Olivia jars forth at the unnecessary roughness. She's not sure what to do but her gut is telling her to move adeptly.

"No Fitz I won't do it." She grits her teeth.

"Livvie, please!" Fitz begs the tears flowing openly down both their faces.

"No!" She juts her chin out clenching her fist.

Fitz tries a different tactic. "Officers could you please drive my pregnant girlfriend to my mother's house." His voice is desperate.

"Pregnant!" Both the officers exclaim. A dreadful quietness lingers among them. Olivia feels suddenly exposed. Her eyes lift to their faces and she's startled by the flicker of sympathy that wavers. She's relieved that the shame and embarrassment has ebbed.

"Your pregnant?" One officer remarks.

Olivia can only nod her words a muted defeat. She just wants to fall apart. She can smell his icky breath and his forceful arms.

"Ma'am are you pregnant?" The other demands his tone reaching for kindness.

"Yes." She falters looking at her feet.

She hears the clink of the metal unsnapping off Fitz wrist.

"You two go home immediately." The officer admonishes.

When two people really love each other, really love each other. There love is a sacred thing. It flutters and binds turning soft feathers into stone.

Fitz takes Olivia hands interlocking his fingers through hers. They flee out of the grassy park. Olivia nearly stumbles keeping up with Fitz strides. Her legs are a burning hot ash. She tries to read his face, but his tucked away into the silent parts of himself. She wishes to love him back to her.

"Fitz." She cries.

His walk is eager and she just wants to catch her breath.

"Fitz." She tries again.

Without a word his lifts her into his arms carrying her the rest of the way out of the protected area. Her arms wrapped tight around his neck. She never wants to let go and she's never felt so in love than in this moment. He kisses her cheek. A single kiss that compiles all his love at the tip of his lips.

The sidewalk to the enclave of their neighborhood is a welcome sight. Fitz puts Olivia on her feet. She shakes her legs awake. They walk slowly towards Fitz house hand in hand.

"Olivia," says Fitz very softly like the vowels of his words find strength at the tip of his tongue.

"Yes." She turns gazing at him.

"Don't ever do that again Livvie."

She wonders where the courage came from but it's a vine that pricks with thorns.

"I was trying to protect you Fitz. I didn't trust them and what was I supposed to do. I wouldn't have made it out of there with the skin on my back." She explains. The terrible weight of the night making her utterly exhausted. She still can't stop thinking about the guys hands on her wrists, her shoulders nearly her breast. She wishes to erase his face from her memory, but the sweaty leery look taunts her. She feels like screaming. She lays her head on Fitz shoulder instead.

"Your pregnant and you had just been ass-"He can't finish his sentence. His jaw clenches a map of rage covers his face, His grip tightens on her hand she welcomes the pain.

"I know Fitz." She breaks the silence. "I saw you in those handcuffs and everything inside of me just went crazy."

Suddenly Fitz stops, cupping Olivia's face in his hands. She knows that look in his eyes it hooks her in. His eyes too ethereally blue and his mouth gentle and inviting.

He brings his fingers to her lips. She runs her hands over his cheeks and into his hair. She hopes to never stop loving him.

He finds his voice through the fog of their circumstance. "I love you Livvie don't you ever forget that, and I could have killed that loser tonight. I would have right there in that moment." He tempered his anger. "I saw you up against that door and his slimy hands on you and I just fucking lost it Livvie."

She's not sure whose tears are on her face, and she doesn't care.

Olivia doesn't try to mar the hopelessness breaking her apart. "Fitz I was so scared. I needed you so bad and I couldn't find you." She pauses her voice a distraught heap."Everyone was there watching, but no one would help me. It was like they got some sick amusement out of it all." Her entire body is shaking she had never felt so powerless. It was a violation she could not comprehend. Words weren't enough they felt weightless dragging along her tongue.

She crumbles into his embrace succumbing to the swirling turmoil that has given her emotional whiplash. They had found themselves broken together. Usually it was the other leaning on one with a mighty force. She wonders if this is the final blow that Eatonton has hurled her. She shivers at the thought of more distress.

He uncovers the final layers of her dress. She doesn't jerk when the garment falters to the carpet. She hopes to bury this dress along with the god forsaken town.

He can't even manage a smile when he realizes she's naked underneath. She notices that he's extra careful with his touch, afraid she will break in his arms. She chooses not to cover her body unmoved by her stark nakedness. Naked is good. It's a cleanse and she finds the breaths that had been lodged in her throat. It's not a magical moment where she unleashes an hidden strength she's just morphing back into shape. Her shoulders stand taller, her legs spring out their flesh coils carrying her dainty weight and her eyes are wide and not dimmed by a bleak sadness.

His fingers skim over her heated flesh. A blush, a shiver it all feels like coming home.

_**A/N: Sorry guys I already had these two previous chapters 8,and 9 formulated so I know it seems like an upheaval of destruction for Olivia, but trust me the storm is finally over for her. I really was conflicted in my decision in regards to Nanny, but I think I made the best choice. I can't promise sunshine all the time, but I won't pull a Shonda.**_

_**Also shout out to Mypencries (lovely name btw) I love that you always find a favorite line of yours and place it in a review. Thank you!**_

_**More specially shout out to everyone that reviews it makes me feel like a kid in a candy store. I'm your humble servant!**_

_**Please review and let me know if this chapter upset you in anyway. I apologize in advance. (Editing Chapter 10 and 11 as you read)**_


	10. Chapter 11

**( All belongs to Shonda Rhimes. ) Happy Reading!**

It was a magical beauty to have eyes bestow the curved wings of the lilac butterfly that fluttered along her pinky. Not once in fear did it flap away to a circling wind. She never understood her life, but that butterfly was some careless miracle. She is forced to heal herself because no one else will.

The clouds inked with a celeste blue, cotton candy shapes dancing underneath the empyrean. The rose lilacs rush under the winds scrutiny. The crushed soil frolics deeper into the earth. The cherry oak mansion stands alone in a spiral of oak trees. It's expanse an intimidating embellish of wealth.

The garden is the first place she seeks. The cherry blossoms and lilies tingled her nose when she washed her face in their petals. She wished to sink into the mushy soil let it rip away her burdens, but she knows it's too late for that. Her burdens found themselves ghost when she boarded that Greyhound train with her suitcases tucked underneath. She didn't look back at the dreary landscape of Eatonton as it thinned before her over the glass of the train windows .She couldn't cry for a stranger.

The hardest most unspeakable part was leaving her Nanny. She nearly died in a puddle on the grainy concrete when her arms wrapped around her Nanny's body for one last time. It was enough to make her unwind the spools of grief. The whisper of a hug that she gave her mother didn't leave a dent in her heart. She's knows tiny chips of her soul will always remain in the dust of Eatonton.

The train ride had proved to be laborious but she couldn't contain the kinetic sparks that floated through her belly. To say the impended car ride with Fitzgerald wasn't awkward would be an understatement. She had sat anxiously in the backseat while Fitz and Fitzgerald made idle chitchat.

She chose to marvel at the sleek towering buildings that slumbered before the sky. Her eyes gaped at the whirlwind pace of the honking cars, the waiting buses along the yellow printed streets, and the hurried strangers passing by on the congested sidewalks. Eatonton seemed stuck in molasses.

She had sighed when her sandals met the taupe carpet she immediately kicked off her shoes and let her toes wiggles in the spiraled plush. She was dazed when her eyes lifted along the room. The walls splashed in splendid maize with apricot lace curtains and lavender and pearl white bed linen. She had traveled into the vintage bathroom and her fingers skimmed the porcelain countertops, she couldn't help herself when she leapt into the acrylic slipper claw foot tub. Magenta adorned the walls with pearl white towels that hung on a metallic rack.

She scampered back into the bedroom and found the solid hardwood bookshelf that lay structured into the wall. She almost wept at the plethora of books that crowded the shelves. It was all dizzying she had tried to dull the excitement that burst at her seams. She had stood at the center of the floor spinning in lazy circles her curly ringlets twirling along with her.

* * *

Stretching her tired bones she sauntered to the walk-in closet her eyes moving along her and Fitz's clothes hanging seemingly along the clothes rack, the built in shelves that carried their miscellaneous possessions and their shoes snuggly packed into miniature alcoves. They had worked all day to rid all of their belongings from their suitcases. The task had finally been completed a little over an hour ago, and they had been so exhausted that they succumbed to a much needed sleep sprawled out on the carpet.

"Livvie," She heard Fitz grumble behind her. She turned leaving the closet, closing the door quietly. She swept back into the master bedroom. She smiled at his scrunched nose and frazzled curly mane. She gently kneeled before him kissing his chin.

"Feed me." She rasped.

He pulled her down beside him. "Livvie this is your home too, yea know. If you were hungry you could have went to the kitchen and grabbed a snack."

Olivia raises her head beaming at him. "I know Fitz. I just got caught up in that amazing closet of ours." She giggles twirling her hair. "I'm just so happy. Everything seems so truly real now."

Fitz nips her ear making her yelp in surprise. "Everything is going to be ok now. I told you just wait until we got to Atlanta and everything would fall into place."

She nods. "Can we eat now? I'm starving."

He smiles so utterly in love with her. "Of course."

Her fingers slide along the walnut countertop, she's never seen a kitchen so majestic. Her eyes roam the French door refrigerator, a loaded pantry with sugary treats Olivia sweet tooth aches, fine maple cabinets with cherries painted on the doors and a bayou classic cooking surface.

They seat themselves at the oak nutmeg circular dining table, feasting on pepperoni hot pockets, pizza rolls and corn dogs. It's an unexpected meal, but it's literally all they can both manage. Neither of them knows how to cook a sufficient meal.

Ketchup dots her chin. Fitz wipes it away with the brush of his thumb.

"Livvie." Fitz says.

"Yea." She muffles shoveling a pizza roll in her mouth.

"You're so cute." He grins taking a bite out of her half eaten corn dog.

She pops his hand. "Hey you do not take food from a pregnant lady."

Fitz raises his hands in mock protest. "Excuse me little miss. I thought what is yours is mine."

She shakes with laughter. "Not when it comes to food Fitz. I promise I will bite your finger off." She gives him a stern look for added measure.

Their eyes both peered up when they hear the front door creak open and determined footsteps shuffled into the kitchen. Fitz rose from the table meeting Fitzgerald awkward stare. Behind him stood a tall wiry man with a pony tail bundle of thick gray hair. He had an unmistakable Hitler mustache, but belying the hardness of his facial hair were the most pleasant blue eyes. This man didn't make her tense in the way that Fitz father did.

"Gramps." Fitz exclaimed. He bypassed his father nearly leaping into the older man's arms.

"Fitz the prodigal son returns, and with an unexpected bundle of joy. I'm talking about the pretty little person seated at that table of course." He quips smiling at Olivia.

Olivia watches the entire exchange with a slight level of amusement. She had never seen Fitz so willfully childish.

Fitz threw his head back in laughter leading him to table never once leaving his embrace or acknowledging his father. Fitzgerald groaned placing the Chinese takeout on the countertop.

"Gramps, this is my girlfriend Olivia." Fitz says gesturing towards Olivia.

The older man gives Olivia a friendly smile he extends his hand out to hers and Olivia takes it confidently.

"Hello, I'm Fitzgerald Thomas Grant, the original, but I prefer it if you call me Gramps." His shadow white eyebrows jumped on his face which makes Olivia giggle. She doesn't mean too.

"Hello, I'm Olivia you can call me Olivia. It's really nice meeting you." Olivia blushes her voice soft and playful.

Gramps and Fitz take a seat between Olivia. For, Olivia it was a moment of clarity or absurdity she couldn't chose either one. Here she was not only the lone woman, but black person in this house. It didn't make her feel uneasy it was just an observation that was a bit intriguing to her. She didn't quell the content feeling that swarmed through her. She felt utterly disloyal because of the sheer glee she coursing through her while sitting at the table, but this was her life. Nanny had chosen her life too, but the dull pang of missing her persisted. It relayed against the happiness she felt in this moment surrounded by the man she loved and the people who created him. It's a weight that she will have to surgically remove.

Without a word Fitzgerald reaches in the cabinet for plates setting them on the table. He moves around the table placing the cartons of lo mien, Mongolian chicken, fried rice and egg rolls on the table.

They fill their plates with the delicious food. The conversation ebbs and flows between bites of their foods. Fitz and Gramps discuss global warming which Olivia chimes in on once in awhile when something piques her interest. She mostly devours the lo mien. Gramps jokes that all the food must go to her brain. She likes this she really does, but she isn't too quick to call them a family just yet.

It had always been a lonely affair for Olivia in regards to dinner. She usually managed alone, because Nanny had to work the strenuous hours at the hospital. But this all felt natural even if Fitzgerald sulked quietly at the further end of the table.

Fitzgerald clears his throat coarsely, causing everyone to look up. "I'm sure you guys are reveling in your faux marital bliss but we have important things to hammer out." He projects gruffly an upturned frown wrinkling his face.

The clink of the utensil creates a tone deaf melody on their plates. Olivia loosens her shoulders ready for battle. She's not sure what to expect from a man like Fitzgerald. She wonders how a man like him could possibly come from Gramps who was so sweet and kind.

"Dad," Fitz begins his voice firm. "Tonight is our first night. Can we just enjoy ourselves?" He tries to smile but it's merely a frown. Olivia reaches into his lap squeezing his hand.

"Nonsense," Fitzgerald admonishes. "Let's not get deluded here you both put yourselves in a pretty pickle and now I'm the guy that's got to sour you up." He throws his napkin on the table.

Olivia hands itch she shifts in her seat she almost lays her head on Fitz shoulder, but she catches herself.

Gramps chuckles lightly not threatened by Fitzgerald tone. "Lighten up, their just kids. You've done worse."

Fitz takes a sip of water before speaking. "Dad we didn't come here under the impression that everything was going to be a fairytale. We came here so I could work and Livvie and I can get our own apartment and raise our family." He responds.

Gramps nod approvingly turning to Olivia and Fitz. "Son you've picked a road less traveled and I can't say that this whole ordeal is the most amiable, but it definitely isn't the end of the world." He gestures to Olivia his hand planted on his heart. "Olivia you must excuse my son's abrasive behavior he likes to forget he was raised by nomadic hippies."

Olivia covers her mouth in a laugh.

Fitzgerald continues on. "Ok Dad you've made your point, but starting next week Fitz is going to work and Olivia I've managed to get you a small job at the Buckhead Branch library. It isn't anything fancy you'll be a part of the children's library."

Olivia is almost touched by his kind gesture. "Really?" She asks.

He waves his hand. "You will only work three hours doing the day I told them of your condition, so more than likely you will just engage in story time with the children."

She looks to Fitz he's just as surprised as she is. "Thank you Mr. Grant. " She replies simply.

"Call me Fitzgerald and don't mention it. It's the price of staying here rent free."

"It's an honest price." Fitz says staring directly at his father.

Gramps stands rounding the table patting Fitz back and squeezing Olivia's shoulder. She gives him a shy smile.

"If you guys don't mind I'm going to take a walk. It is a bit tense and I'm a mellow guy." With a wave of his hand his glides out of the kitchen.

Fitzgerald leans forward clearing his throat once more. "Now that, that is settled we need to talk about the baby."

"What about my baby." Olivia questions immediately her heart quickening. Fitz touches her knee, squeezing lightly.

"No need to get startled it's just we need all your medical information to set up an appointment at our family practitioner."

She exhales. "Ok I can give that to you first thing in the morning. Anything else."

"Yes of course," He drones on. "I know you were very much against a nanny, but my father is what many would call a baby whisper." He slaps his hand on the table."Heck he practically raised Fitz while his mother and I finished graduate school." His tone is serious. "If we are realistic we can acknowledge there is no way possible for you to study, attend school, and raise a baby and keep much of your sanity."

Olivia leans back her hand momentarily soothing her belly. She looks to Fitz his expression relaxed and calm. He smiles at her taking her hand in his.

"Gramps would spoil the kid rotten. I trust him more than anyone in the world." He quips

She lets out a sigh. "Ok, I need to think on this I just met him today."

"My word isn't good enough." Fitz remarks. Throwing her a critical glance.

"Your word is everything Fitz, and I trust you, but we have months to figure this out. I think this is the one thing that doesn't need to be conclusive just yet." She shakes her head nearly glaring at Fitzgerald across the room. "I thought Fitz would be working partially so he could be home with the baby

"Olivia Pope you're a smart girl." Fitzgerald admits almost mustering a smile. "Plans have changed when you start your first semester Fitz will be joining you at SCAD also."

The words are a chainsaw to her gut. He shreds the security of her flesh threading the tissue with spiked fingertips. Olivia tries to read Fitz eyes, but he's a riddle to her with an endless bemusement. The soft blue of his eyes dipped in an arctic ice that creates a stormy wash across his eyes. She's not sure if he will cry or cut Fitzgerald throat. The intense jaw clench and the hyper bobbing knees leave her grasping for the fragile specks of him. She licks her lips biting the fabric of her cheek.

A thick grating response rollicks out of his mouth. "How is this going to work Dad?"

She brushes the back of her fingertips along his wrist it's a remedy that works in seconds. She peers at him and his furrowed brows loosen. His body lengths into a normal stillness. He grasps her hands his palms a shelter. The gentle pucker of his lips caresses the inside of her wrist. A wisp of a smile tickles her lips.

Fitzgerald rolls his eyes running his hand through his hair. "I will tell you why it works. It allows Fitz to continue school" He responds looking to both of them. "You both will work this summer because I can't have two lazy teenagers screwing all over this fine house. But come August, school begins and both of you are getting up bright and early with book bags on your backs."

Fitz cuts in. "Dad what about money? Me and Livvie want to get our own place."

Fitzgerald grins. "Son I hate to break it to you, but that is a wishful dream at the moment. I will admit it's mighty noble of you. It's the honest thing to do and if you were a janitor's son it would be your only option. But you're my son." He huffs. "Listen to me; you've got too much on your plate. You need all the help you can get. If you really love Olivia you will stay put and let me take care of all of this."

"So how do you propose to take care of all of this?" Olivia questions glancing in Fitzgerald direction.

A prideful smile widens his face. "I will deposit a monthly allowance in two separate accounts for both of you with the only qualification that you both make nothing less than a 90 each semester." He crosses his arms satisfied with himself.

Olivia shakes her head suddenly confused. "Hold on a sec. So Gramps keeps the baby during the day while Fitz and I attend school."

Fitzgerald leans forward his eyes wide. "Smart girl. Fitz will register as a part time student. Someone needs to be here with Gramps at some percentage of the day. I don't want my father raising your child. This is still very much your responsibility." He breaks into an almost plea when his next words stumble out." I say Fitz takes at least three classes. The first starting roughly at 8 and last ending at 12. You two just need to register for your classes as soon as possible so you can get flexible schedules. It can work. I promise you it will."

Olivia looks to Fitz she needs him more than ever now. Maybe them thinking they could get their own place was a pipe dream.

She turns to him her eyes flickering with a guarded certainty. "What do you think Fitz?"

"You don't mind living with two old white guys?" A wistful smile pecks his lips. Optimism puzzles his voice.

"Only if I get to sleep next to a really handsome white guy every night." She's sure her face is a blush red. He kisses her lips hurriedly before pulling away.

Olivia glances at Fitzgerald smirking. She cocks her head to the side staring at him.

"Fitzgerald be prepared to file for bankruptcy."

Fitzgerald lets out a wailing laugh banging his fist on the table. "Olivia Pope I misjudged you. You are definitely a firecracker. "

Genuine laughter spills from their throats. It's relief that the oppressed tense energy has dispelled out the kitchen leaving behind a easy rumbling of ongoing conversation. Fitzgerald marvels at the offbeat wisdom that Olivia extols. She nearly drools when they talk about Hillary Clinton possibly running for president in 2016. She repeatedly yells Pantsuits! Pantsuits, while also explaining that Hillary Clinton is seen as the pinnacle of mainstream feminism. From the frown that graces her face that isn't exactly a good thing.

Her voice reaches an exuberant measure when her and Fitz argue whether Grease is a better romance than Dirty Dancing. Olivia is victorious when she laments the classic Johnny Castle line, _"Nobody puts baby in a corner."_ Fitz and Fitzgerald both nearly shriek with amusement at the perfect masculine timbre of her voice when reciting the line. She's a curious wonder to Fitzgerald. It's evident that she has his son wrapped around her delicate fingers. He watches the way his eyes light at her every word. He never pushes just gives her the copious space to settle her thoughts. It miraculous that Fitz could muster to love any one that doesn't include Elaine or Gramps.

The conversation peaks when Olivia groans at the mention of Sheryl Sandberg she shakes her head rapidly mumbling the phrases "power feminism" ,"patriarchy in a dress" and scoffing at the Ban Bossy campaign. A fiery rant about how banning the word bossy doesn't help women of color from living in poverty, or stop politicians from creating detrimental laws in regards to women's healthcare becomes the climax of the once awkward dinner. She enforces that challenging gender stereotypes and bias is crucial, but street harassment and transforming a rape culture is equally important if not more.

Both men remain speechless nearly captivated by the sheer conviction that glowers out of her. Fitzgerald doesn't exactly agree or even comprehend some of what she is saying, but her effort is winsome. Fitz wears a prideful smile utterly enchanted by the beauty that he gets to call his own.

Her face is flushed and she bites her lips awkwardly feeling slightly embarrassed at her impassioned speech. She clears her throat mumbling an apology. She peers at Fitz, tiny locomotive loops swirl her heart, and lust tackles her. She is honey and Fitz is a buzzing bee.

Fitzgerald shoo's them away volunteering to clean the kitchen alone. The pair wishes him a goodnight. Olivia braces the arms of the chair half standing she struggles to her feet suddenly tired and her bones tightening under her skin. Fitz scoops behind her helping her out of the chair. He takes her hand leading them out the kitchen and into the foyer slowly climbing the spirals stairs. She's led into their bedroom Fitz closing the door behind them.

She falls onto the bed a yawn escaping her throat. She watches Fitz shuffle around the room searching for her pajamas.

"It's in the closet, bottom shelf." She mumbles another yawn leaving her mouth.

Fitz smirks "Sleepy, Livvie already?" He finally finds the pajamas bringing them forth placing the night gown and socks on the bed. He slides out of his jeans and t-shirt leaving only his boxers.

She nods. "Today has been tiresome. I just want to sleep until forever."

Sitting on the edge of the bed Olivia rubs her eyes rising her arms. She pulls off her dress letting it fall to the floor. Fitz picks it up throwing it in the hamper sauntering into the bathroom. She unhooks her bra placing it beside her then pulling the night gown over her head not bothering to put on the socks. She shakes her hair loose feeling the tension fall from her body.

She heads to the bathroom washing her face and brushing her teeth in a methodic manner. She hears Fitz giggle beside her, toothpaste on his chin.

"What." She cries peering at him.

"You're so intense you make brushing your teeth seem like a strategic ritual."

"Whatever, look at you." She points to his chin. "You look like a dog with rabies."

He swipes away at the toothpaste laughing. "I love you."

"I'm still not having sex with you tonight."

"Livvie you are meanie and you must be destroyed." He jokes.

She laughs placing her toothbrush back into the holder and hurrying back to the bed. Fitz is right behind her bumping into her bottom.

"Fitz. " She whines slightly.

"Livvie it's ok. I understand no sex tonight. I probably would fall asleep inside you anyway." His lips tickle her ear a faint ache tingling the sensitive parts of her body. She almost gives in. The smooth gruffness of his voice an erotic lullaby that she can't help but falter to. She takes his hands that are placed at her hips and puts them at the delicate tips of her covered nipples. A moans gathers at her throat. She needs his thumbs brushing the darks buds of her breast his fingers a circular web of arousal. She needs this even if it's not the entire thing. His touch is enough.

* * *

The shiny lunar specks of night seep through the window a light breeze settling over the room. She's swallowed in the strong cocoon of Fitz arms. His fingers a butterfly leap across her navel. A slumbered hazed they fell into after a slow simmering bout of sex.

"Fitz." Olivia whispers into the hushed dark night.

"Go to sleep Livvie." He croaks in a sleep- coated voice.

"Fitz, I'm not sleepy just yet." She says snuggling closer until his cheeks rest on hers

"Ok."

For a moment she's afraid to speak, but the night unbottles her strength.

Her words ramble out of her mouth. "Nanny didn't call. She said she would call before she went to sleep." She pulls his arms tighter around her.

"Why didn't you call her Livvie?" He suggests. She flinches at the dismissive tone of his voice.

"That's not the point Fitz. She said she would call me." A hint of annoyance fractures her voice." You think she hates me now?" She wonders if it's more of a statement instead of a question.

"Of course not!" That's the craziest thing you've ever said. Nanny loves you like crazy."

"Your right maybe she forgot." She pushes the unwelcome thoughts from her mind. It's easier this way to not think or not mouth or utter a syllable. It's as simple as the light breaths that push life through her body.

"Everyone loves you Livvie, even my dad."

"You think so. He probably thinks I'm insane." She smiles to herself thinking of the brooding older man.

No, you made him laugh and you're so brilliant. He likes smart women; that's why he married my mom."

"He's not so bad." She admits quietly." I may even like him just a bit is that ok?"

His fingertips traces cartwheels on her skin. His soft breaths a lightning storm on the hills of her shoulders. She shudders snuggling further into the warmth of his body

Fitz swallows hard a weakened groan creaking out his mouth. "Sure he's my dad. He's not a bad guy. It's just he and I never really got along and tonight was weird because he smiled and he actually gives a shit. I guess I don't know how to react to this new him."

"What do you mean by new him?

Fitz stiffens beside her his body all hard edges. The brightness of his voice dimmed when he speaks

. "He used to drink a lot and when he got drunk he could be a complete asshole." He's silent forcing himself not sink under his own words. He rubs his face in her hair instead. She tilts her head back understanding that love works in patterns. Her coiled spirals a hiding place.

Her heart opens for him. The simplicity of their love is what weaves them into an intricate web. "Oh Fitz I'm so sorry."

"It's ok Livvie. We all have things inside of us that makes us brave. I had a drunk father and you had a bipolar mother." He answers simply.

Her mother his father they aren't monsters she tells herself. It's easy to break the damaged parts of people into wholeness. Sometimes the damaged frailties are the only parts we wish to see.

"I love you." She brings life into the stifled air. Clearing out the dark billows that always strike with a harsh whip.

"I love you too. Now go to sleep." He says into her ear.

_**A/N: Ok I'm not sure how I felt about this chapter. I had to completely rewrite it, but I think it's ok. Let me know how you guys feels.**_


	11. Chapter 12

**All Belongs to Shonda Rhimmes! :(**

* * *

The rapid heartbeat staccatos through the wall of the room. It's a life opening up. The continual thump is a sound neither she nor Fitz will ever forget. Tears were stinging her eyes. She doesn't care to wipe them away. She can't stop staring at the static image before her.

"There's your baby." The kind doctor says.

Fitz kisses her hand. A light smile paints her lips she nods looking briefly to Fitz before turning her attention back to the ultrasound. It's a miracle.

"Olivia, Fitz." The doctor smiles at them both, nodding then putting a gentle hand on Fitz shoulder.

"I think it's best if we acknowledge that because of your age this is somewhat of a risky pregnancy. It's imperative that you take care of yourself and allow others to do the same." She gestures to Fitz.

A gentle smile tugs Olivia lips before thinning all together, suddenly she turns her gaze to Fitz, but before either of them can utter a word the doctor begins again.

"Look I don't want to frighten you. I've been with your family an awful long time, so let me be honest with you everything is just fine. The heartbeat is steady and strong, but this shouldn't have been your first appointment. You should have come weeks ago." Her voice is firm yet comforting. She wipes away the gel liquid from Olivia's tummy then allowing her a moment to pull her shirt down and sit up gently on the examination table.

Fitz nods his head, running his fingers through his hair, swallowing a frustrated sigh. He loves Dr. Sabrina he's known her since he was practically an embryo.

"Dr. Sabrina." Fitz begins.

She cuts in. "Call me Sabrina you know the rules. " She folds her arms over her chest her thick lavender curls bouncy along her face.

He laughs. "Sabrina," He tries the name without title on his tongue. It stills a bit awkward for him.

"All this was really sudden and we've been through a lot lately. We're just sorta getting back on our feet."

"Ok, but make sure she eats. She's a small little thing. Food needs to be her best friend and lots of prenatal vitamins. When you guys come back I want to see some color to her face."

They both nod, giggling, at the eccentric woman before them. For Fitz it wasn't unusual to see Dr. Sabrina with a bold color bringing her mane of hair alive. She was always incredibly straightforward and had a bubbly sense of humor.

They say their goodbyes leaving with all the provided information. They cross the sparse parking lot making their way to Gramps vintage pale green Volkswagen, Fitz unlocks and opens the door for Olivia, then makes his way to the driver seat. Once they are settled in their seatbelts. Fitz cruises out the parking lot and into the buzzing street.

* * *

Her limbs sprawl apart on the massive bed her curls fanning out on the pillow. The expansive house with all of its material things lacks life. It feels empty when it's only her. Her mind a whirling orbit she fights away the trembling thoughts.

The white blood speckled dress, Fitz fist dripping in crimson, the strangled grasp of her wrist sometimes that night steals itself into her dreams. Fitz arms are a barricade for those nightmares. She and Fitz promised to never let the events of that night escape their lips. It would be their very own dark secret. It was a secret she was more than willing to let decay.

For a moment she misses the hazy lights of the misty town. Eatonton it whispers in her ear the maple sugar tree that she craves to lose herself under. She misses Nanny. She misses the sticky blueberry jam coating her fingertips. She misses home.

As the first week trickled by she and Fitz explored the fledging urban universe that was Atlanta. The sporadic whizzing of the Marta trains thrilled her. Atlantic Station a populous hub was electric under the midnight blue skies, she and Fitz dined at Cheesecake Bistro catching an indie film at the AMC Theater. The grassy fields of Piedmont is where they had a picnic eating pb&j sandwiches and reading passages of Toni Morrison's _Love _to each other. The words an ethereal symphony around her heart her tears clear water stains against the worn pages.

They traveled to Little Five Points a hipster's playground they went shopping at Junkman's Daughters and Rag-O-Rama. Fitz splurged on Olivia buying her multiple vintage dresses with daring silhouettes, high and low heeled Mary Janes in varying colors and a Lianne La Havas album.

She was falling in love with life something she never thought she could do. Two things happened. She and Fitz found Gramps painting the room next to their bedroom. The careful strokes of mint green splashed the wall. He had painted a simple tree with coral tulips perched on the leaves and billowy sky blue clouds adorning each side of the wall. The cursive pale yellow bubbled words that read hope, dream, and free spilled over the edge of the walls. They were speechless that rainy Saturday when they drifted into the room. Gramps sheepish smile met theirs and he simply grinned and said,"_To Fitz, Olivia, and baby." _They collapsed into a comforting laughter.

Fitzgerald bought a garden jewel iron baby crib. It was hand sculptured of iron with vines of delicate leaves trailing along the headboards and legs and sweet little ceramic birds stood on the canopy. Olivia cried and she did something unexpected she hugged Fitzgerald. His body had stiffened under her light weight she wasn't sure what caused her to do it, happiness had been placed at her feet. Eventually his arms find a comfort around her shoulders and he allowed himself to understand affection in the most fleeting way. The moment was awkward but a bond had blossomed in the most complicated circumstances.

It's was week two in the brooding castle and suddenly she realizes she isn't in Kansas anymore or Eatonton. Fitz went off on his first day of work, Gramps went to climb Stone Mountain he even suggested she come along, but Olivia had to decline. She needed the calm quiet of the house to overwhelm her, even if it felt like a punishment. She moped around through the kitchen slicing herself a bowl of peaches along with a pint of vanilla yogurt. She found herself in the family room flipping through the channels. There were so many channels; channels she never thought could exist. She settled on the Daily Show laughing at the absurdist humor of Jon Stewart.

Her phone chimes she checks the screen. It's Nanny she's hesitant to answer then finally she picks up. An upheaval of emotion tackled her. She hadn't spoken to Nanny in a week. A week. Hurt seemed to simple of a word to describe the glacial leak that stymied the veins of her heart.

"Hello." She says her voice cracking.

It's like the unfurling of a sunflower when she hears the sweet song of her voice. "Livvie that's you honey. You don't sound like yourself. I'm sorry I didn't call, but your mother-"Her voice trails off. "You know what never mind any of that how are you sweetie. I miss you so much."

"Nanny I'm fine." Her tone a blank portrait. It pains her to be this way.

She persists. "What about Fitz, the baby, are they treating you ok. You know I will come down if someone hurts my baby." Her questions come in rapid succession.

She leans back on the sofa propping her feet on the oak wood coffee table.

"It's all great. Fitz's dad is actually somewhat nice. He got me a job and Fitz and I heard the baby's heartbeat."

"Oh, Livvie your going to make me cry. I can't believe I missed hearing my great grand child's heart beat." She exclaimed.

A pang of sadness drilled into the well of her heart. She pauses pleading for it to beat again. She blinks back the tears they stand guard at the tips of her eyelids. She knows Nanny better than anyone. Nanny, who played Etta James records on misty Saturdays Olivia a tiny ball of curiosity, stood on Nanny's feet bouncing along with the music. The memory washes over her like a shattering wave filled with jagged sea shells.

"Nanny it's ok Fitz recorded everything with his phone. So next time I see you I can play it for you." Olivia soothes.

"You do just that," she pauses a moment. "I miss you Livvie. It's not the same without you."

"Nanny I miss you too," She tugs the phones closer to her ear as if that can lessen the miles that separate them. She bites her lips. "Maybe Fitz's dad could get you and Mama a train ticket to Atlanta."

"No, No he's done enough already. I will make my way up there it's just, well. I'm a bit lonely without you."

Bitterness surges out her mouth. "Nanny why haven't you called me? Are you mad at me? What about Mama?"

"Livvie, of course not. Things have gotten a bit difficult. It's not that simple your mother is well," She's silent the distance never seems so far before. "I don't really know her and lately she been a bit moody and I don't know what to do."

Olivia doesn't speak. A shiver of fear grips the bottom of her belly. Almost instantly she wraps a protective arm around herself as if her mother is standing in that very room with her.

"Nanny has she tried to hurt you?" Her question a violent whisper.

Nanny seems to wait a moment before speaking. It feels like hours to Olivia. In those splices of seconds all of her worst fears shackled her to the leather cushion. Breathing becomes an afterthought.

Nanny clears her throat the sugariness of her voice a bittersweet mumble, "It's not me she's trying to hurt, but think it's more of herself."

Olivia finally breathes it is only for a second. She rubs her belly the slight swell of her stomach makes her smile. Strong. That word is at the tip of her tongue, at the peak of her heart. Not strong as in she doesn't feel, but strong to live. She contemplates her next words before continuing.

"Are you safe now, Nanny?"

She grunts. "Look Livvie, don't worry about me or anything else. Take care of yourself and that baby. "

"Ok, but don't you dare hesitant to call me. I mean it Nanny. Fitz and I will drive back to Eatonton if we have to." Olivia is surprised at how stern she sounds. She wishes to click her heels two times and be back Eatonton, but she wouldn't stay she'd engineer a time machine and rocket her way back to Atlanta with Nanny in tow.

"Livvie," Nanny begins. "Remember that time I took you to the state fair, and we rode the Ferris wheel together. You snuggled so close to me I could hardly breath, but then you realized everything was going to be ok and started smiling and looking at the night air around you."

Olivia grins at the memory."Yes, Nanny I remember. I got cherry soda on your white dress and I thought you were going to kill me." She laughs. She smiles when she hears the light snickers through the receiver.

"I bought you a funnel cake and you looked so adorable with all that powered sugar on your face. I just wanted to eat you up." She stops a hiss leaving her mouth. Olivia winces at the crestfallen gasp that restrains each syllable of Nanny's words. "We had just put Maya away that month and your were such a weary child, and I just couldn't figure out how to make you happy. But we went to the fair and you smiled and laughed. I thought your little lips were going to fall off how hard you were smiling. She sighs, "I think that was the day I knew I could keep living."

"Nanny," Olivia whispers quietly. Her words tissue soaked in water.

Nanny continues on. "Livvie remember that day ok. You saved me before I ever saved you. I know I'm not there with you and you probably feel like I've forgotten you, but you're my heart. I can't forget what keeps me living." She says choking out the final words.

Olivia brushes away her tears. A heaving sob that sounds like a volcano escapes her throat.

"I love you Nanny," She mumbles into the phone the warm screen heating her ear. She pulls her feet on the sofa tucking her knees partially under her chin. She rocks herself and wishes it was her Nanny's arms wrapped around her.

"I love you too Livvie, but remember what I told you. Worry about you and that baby. Nothing else matters. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, Nanny." She sniffles.

"Bye Livvie, I will try to call you tomorrow."

"Bye Nanny."

Olivia sets the phone on the coffee table. She wiggles her legs from beneath her rising off the sofa. She walks from the family room leading herself up the stair. Instead of going into her bedroom she travels to the room next door, the nursery. She steps into the small room her fingers trace the walls. Her eyes roaming the masterful art that decorates the room. It's not much that occupies the space just the crib and sage green curtains. The crib faces the center of the room backed against the wall. She saunters to it her hands feeling the rustic metallic. She closes her eyes and she can almost imagine the light coo's of her child, Fitz singing a sweet lullaby and her rocking the baby to sleep.

"Little one." She whispers into the quiet of the room touching the her tummy like it's a precious pearl.

**A/N: This is a really short chapter, but I hope you guys enjoy it. Once again thanks for your support. Your reviews are always thoughful and kind and make me smile gleefully. Let me know what you think!**


	12. Chapter 13

**(ALL BELONGS TO SHONDA RHIMES!) BOO!**

The sun brightens and a wave of beams and melts across the city. It's a molten heat that makes the sweat prick the skin in seconds. Mid June feels like a desert hell.

Olivia hadn't expected to fall in love so quickly. Atlanta had taken to her like a beloved birthmark. She had been working at Buckhead Branch library for almost two weeks and each day at work was like the growth of wings. Three days out the week she came at ten in the morning leaving at one in the afternoon. The hours worked for her.

With her first paycheck she had bought herself a volume of Rita Dove poetry. The three hundred dollars would seem comical to someone else used to a level of wealth, but for Olivia it was a goldmine. She opened her first saving account that day, tucking her very own debit card in her wallet. No one would ever understand the empowered feeling she felt. This was something that was all hers.

The cluster of quiet strangers buzzed into the calmed atmosphere. She steadily glided to the children's center.

The books are a light weight in her hands. She shuffles through the titles _Tar Beach, Mufaro's Beautiful Daughters, The Snowy Day_ they all make her smile. She suddenly can't choose which book to open first so she brings forth the books to the eager faces of the bright tooth row of children settled at her feet. They crowd in front of her, all a swirl of barrettes, pigtails, and light up sneakers. She's overwhelmed by the burst of enthusiasm. The tiny fingers leaf through the assorted books their curiosity a buzzed bee. She sits and watches in wonder tickled at their excitement.

Olivia clasp her hands together finally getting their divided attention.

"Ok I think you guys have had enough time to decide. What book you would like for me to read?" She watches their youthful faces light up.

"Tar Beach!" They all squeal in unison. She laughs along with them, settling the rest of the books on the floor next to her feet. She takes the chosen book out of their childish fingertips and opens the spine of the book. She closes her eyes for a minor second before uttering a single word.

The children ooh and ahh at the dreamy illustration. Olivia recites the first lines of the book,

_I will always remember  
when the stars fell down around me  
and lifted me up above  
the George Washington Bridge."_

Olivia tells the story of Cassie Louise Lightfoot a young black girl living in Harlem in 1939. She wishes to be free and go wherever she pleases. One night with her little brother on their rooftop they go to all the magical places their mind allows, that their segregated world prohibits. With each turn of the page Olivia captures their attention with her soft melodic voice. She looks up from the book and smiles at them when they point at the charcoal detailed printed pictures, their faces rapt in glee.

After finishing _Tar Beach _she moves to next book _The Snowy Day_. She watches the smiles plaster on their faces with her next choice. They wiggle and giggle about sprawling their tiny limbs all over the carpet space. She opens her mouth again and the words crawl through her throat and sit at tip of the children eardrums. They fly and parachute in the quaint space. She slices pieces of herself to give to them, because to her books heal. Books save all of what's broken inside you. She should know. She speaks a pitch louder hoping somehow her child forming inside of her like the speed of light can also carry the words inside it to.

She moves onto the final book, and she smiles. She can't keep it from marking her face. She touches the light pages almost as if they will crumble before her. The hushed quiet gives her a well of seconds to her read the title over and over again. Once again the words lift from her voice and the twisted restless limbs of the children before her quiet at the basic harmony of her voice.

Once done she and the children stretch their slumbered bodies. A snaggled tooth girl with skin the color of fresh new pennies tugs at Olivia dress. Olivia smiles peering down at the little one.

"Ms. Olivia, can we dance like we did last time?" She wraps her arms around Olivia legs.

Olivia brushes the little girl's hair out of her face. "Of course Emily just let me get the cd out of my purse."

Emily stays practically glued to Olivia's hip as she retrieves her purse from her own personal cubby. They walk back amongst the other children.

She clears her throat. "Time to dance guys!" Olivia exclaims.

The children are bubbled excitement; they cheer and jump into the air. Olivia puts her index finger to her lips to quiet them. They trap their hands over their mouths but the mischief is evident. Olivia leisurely puts the cd into the radio waiting for the first bumpy chords of Ella Fitzgerald, _A- Tisket, A- Tasket._ She turns to see the children already dancing to the jazzy nursery rhyme. Their small limbs set to fire body parts swinging and flailing casually. It's a circle of jerky movements that Olivia can't help but fall into. She throws her head back in laughter and starts to shimmy with the beat. She's taken by surprise when Emily grabs both her hands and starts to swing along with her from side to side. Olivia twirls her into a circle watching the amusement play at her face. She shakes her body from side to side swaying just a bit with the rhythm. The energy is dizzying and Olivia takes a moment to sit and catch her breath.

The song swells to an end and Olivia switches the music off to bundled groans of disappointment. Out the corner of her eye she can see the arrival of the social guardian trudging into the circular space. A twinge of sadness pegs her deep but she shakes it away. She should she used to this by now, but the departure of the children is always really hard for her. She knows that they all go back to the group home that shelters them. It's a sobering reality that when she first found out she went to the bathroom and cried into the toilet stall. That night Fitz had rocked her to sleep rubbing her back softly.

She throws a smile onto her face and greets the kind face woman. She extends her hand and Olivia shakes it confidently. She watches as she gathers the children into a solid line they all wave eagerly goodbye to her, but before they leave Emily jumps out of the line and flings herself into Olivia arms.

"Ms Olivia I'm going to miss you." She wraps herself tightly around her waist.

"Aw sweetie I will miss you too." Olivia squeezes her small body to her lightly.

"Can I go home with you please?" She pleads covering her face in Olivia's dress.

Olivia heart breaks. She had promised herself not to get to attached, but it was impossible not to.

"Emily." The social guardian speaks up placing a gentle hand on the girl's shoulder. She bends to her eye level carefully.

"It's time to go sweet heart I'm sure Ms. Olivia is a very busy." She smiles up at Olivia.

Olivia manages a faint smile before rubbing Emily's cheek. "Hey Emily maybe we can work something out with your group home. You could come spend an afternoon with me. How does that sound sweetie."

She sighs and whispers. "You promise." She looks up and Olivia nods seeing the same ancient sadness in her eyes reflected in Emily's. It takes a moment for her to respond. She takes a sharp breath.

"I promise." The fresh breaths in Olivia lungs shrink and prune inside her.

"Ok!" Emily says finally letting go of Olivia legs. Olivia misses the tight tiny grasp immediately. She watches them file away out of the children's room center.

Her lips part but she swallows the hard vowels that sink at the tip of her tongue. She finds her purse and walks to the main entrance. She notifies the head librarian that she's leaving for home. She tries to straighten the slump in her shoulders but her shoulders are hard flesh heaps that seem too heavy to budge. She makes her way out of the library and into the parking lot. She finds Gramps standing outside his car half leaning along the passenger door.

"Gramps." Olivia yells waving her hands frantically. She trots the several inches it takes to get to the car.

"How you doing, Little One?" He smiled opening the door for her.

"Lovely." she responds carefully sliding into the seat. She straps herself into the seat belt turning the dial on the radio she settles for 88.5 a college radio station. The unique indie beats fill the car.

Gramps revs the engine and turns out of the parking lot.

"You think we could stop and get some ice cream." Olivia suggests.

Gramps gives her a knowing look. "Tough day?"

She rubs her eyes her head falling back on the seat. "This little girl Emily. She reminds me so much of myself. "

"So you think two scoops of chocolate ice cream will be the cure." He grins.

"The ultimate cure." Olivia jokes.

* * *

The rain pours heavily from the moonlit sky. The heat extinguished if only for minutes. The blare of horns from the record player set a whimsical mood. Olivia and Fitz take in the dark clouds from their bedroom window. They lay comfortably on the massive bed Olivia legs propped in Fitz lap. His fingertips massaging all the aches from the soles of her feet to the top of her toes.

It had seemed that they hadn't seen each other in weeks, but it was merely hours. She had missed him terribly and she needed his love like a sinner waiting for the Lord's forgiveness. His eyes had bore a tiredness that she wasn't used to. He'd come home exhausted sprawling out on their bed with only a faint kiss to her temple. The endless rhythm between them had skipped and for a moment Olivia was worried.

He complained about teaching spoiled children how to play the piano. He said he never wanted to strum a guitar again. She soaked his fingers in ice most nights to ebb the pain that throbbed through them. She kissed it and made it all better, she thought.

She feels him tickling her feet and she squirms under the sheets.

"Fitz stop!" She squeals.

He moves his hands from her feet lightly tracing the smooth skin of her thigh. Her skin is hot and his touch feels like a never ending hurricane.

He flashes a knowing smile. The backs of his fingers lightening on her flesh. Her back arches and she falls into the soft blanket of the bed. He tugs at the satin panties underneath her nightgown. The fabric whispers down her skin and she shivers the goose bumps prickling the pores of her arms. Fitz hovers above her his eyes like rushing waves on a midnight bloom. His hair tousled casually all over his head. She runs her fingers through the chestnuts waves . She presses a featherweight kiss to his chest.

Olivia raises her head and looks at him. Her eyes a maze of desire and sheer urgency.

" I missed you today." She whispers quietly. He kisses her temple his lips a hidden gem. Her heart hiccups and she takes his face in her hands and their lips blend into a tender kiss that takes all the secret weariness aching her heart and plummets it to a sick death. She sucks his tongue like she would the butterscotch candies Nanny kept in her purse. She never felt so hungry in lust. Her leg curls around his waist her feet inching away at the waist band of his boxers. He pulls away swiftly taking them off his body .

Her fingers twist the bed sheets into a death grip the slow dip of Fitz hips into hers feels like sweet punishment. Their bodies snuggled tightly in an erotic embrace, him licking a trail from her shoulder to her neck. Olivia's body is a flame. She breathes and feels Fitz warm breath tickling against her ear.

Her hips dance against the thick length of his cock. She begs her heart to beat at a normal pace. She tries to quiet the breathless moans that escapes her lips.

His tongue swirled around the plum tips of her breast she bit her bottom lip. The pad of his thumb an unforgivable weapon against her sensitive nipples. Tiny electric currents rippled in the stream of her body . She was a woman coming alive.

The heat from their bodies' fogs the sanity of their minds Olivia gently trembles springs of ecstasy uncoil and she thrashes into the sheets her body a tsunami. It's a sweet death they both succumb to .

* * *

The lavender lilies swayed across her ankles. The crisp air bloomed with the twinkle shine of stars. Night peaked with the pale ghost of lunation. Her toes wiggled in the dewy soil. She had tried falling asleep but the thin sheet felt like a vine littered with thorns. A soft kiss to Fitz slumbered face and she found herself under the dark night gaze fleeing to the garden. The fragile petals tickled along her fingertips. She plucked away at the lilies taking a few in her hand. They lay lazily on her wrist. She shifts in her fluffy night gown the fabric a cotton fleece against skin. She moves to a wooden bench centered in a nestle of cherry bushes.

The whirl air whipped at her hair. She tugged the strands behind her ear. The pressed quiet wraps around her. It is in this silence she thinks about Nanny. Shudders at the unthinkable terror of her mother. She conjures up invisible memories of a phantom father. It all swirls in a curtain of dread. She can comprehend the isolated thoughts of Nanny but her parents. It confuses her. If there are moments in her life were she loved her mother they are faint and almost unremarkable. She wonders how she can peel away the damage. The emotional destruction seems irrevocable. She tells herself that her baby can't make her whole. Fitz can't complete her either. She has to trudge through the misery with her own sword, slaying the fire breathing dragons and make herself the heroine of her life. No one told her the fire breathing dragon would be her mother.

A thin whistle breaks her out her thoughts; she looks up at the crunch of twigs. She smiles at the wiry frame of Gramps. He's holding two bowls of raspberry sherbet in his hands. He offers Olivia the bowl in his right hand she takes it gladly. He takes a seat next to her crossing his legs.

"I thought you might like some company and a cool treat, Little One." He explains shrugging his shoulder.

The sweetness of his voice makes Olivia smile. H e had taken to calling her Little One, explaining she was the little one of the house. It warmed all the tattered fissures in her heart. They had stringed together a odd friendship. It happened suddenly as if they had always known each other. His gentle nature lifted burdens or at least made them lighter. The simpleness of his care was a refuge.

He clears his throat. "You have a lot on your mind. "

"Can you tell?" She smirks taking a scoop of the sherbet into her mouth.

"Care to talk about it?" He leans back causally his mustache inched higher on his face.

Olivia takes a breath. It feels like a thousand. She sits the bowl beside her. Her elbows slouch against her knees.

"My grandmother, "she whispers. "I'm scared for her. I never told you this just Fitz and Elaine, but my mom suffers from bipolar. She's a bit frightening, but in this calculated way."

"You think she hurt her." His eyebrows crinkle the question a bruise in the wind.

Olivia flinches she tries to find her voice under the cruel waves.

I don't know Gramps. It's all a mystery to me. I can't help, but think this is all my fault. If I hadn't gotten pregnant," Gramps doesn't allow her to finish her sentence before his finger curls around her wrist. She glances up at him. It's a flutter of a grasp, and his smile brightens the blues.

"Don't go wishing this baby away, Little One. You can't blame yourself for something your mother can't even control." Concern laces his voice.

"What am I supposed to do Gramps? If something did happen to Nanny she will never tell me. I'm here and you guys have been great, but Nanny is stuck in that hellhole of a town. "

"Loving people doesn't mean taking on their sorrow."

"No I was selfish." She shakes her head. "Fitz and I were careless. I took Sex Ed I knew exactly what a condom looked like. We should have been smarter." She grimaces. A scorched guilt heats up in her veins. She quickly wipes away at the tears puddled at her the ridge of her eyes.

"Little One you're gonna break my heart."

"I'm sorry." She's not sure what she's apologizing for. If anything the world should throw it's forgiveness at her feet. The ease of quiet edges around them. Olivia finishes the sherbet letting the spoon clanks on her teeth. The feeling is unusual but she welcomes it.

In the deep night she picks away her sins, but they are leeches. Sucking the life complete air out of her.

Gramps breaks the silence. "Can I tell you a something? It will just be our very own secret."

Olivia nods falling back along the wooden bench.

"I was eighteen once too and I know what it's like to fall in love before you've even had your first sip of whiskey. Her name was Delilah and her voice was this magical thing. It was like crawling into heaven all by yourself without God's permission. She was magic at least according to me. "

"Gramps that sounds dreamy. Was she your first love?"

"She was my only love." A finality eclipses his tone. "She was a Otis Redding song, total grit and Georgia after a summer rain. I was feeling kind of righteous and I was thinking I wanted to change the world. I had watched Carmen Jones one night and I had made a promise to myself that I would marry a girl that looked like Dorothy Dandridge." Nostalgia seeps into his voice. She looks at him his soft blue eyes a cage of regret.

She contemplates her next words she places her palm under her cheek. "But it was illegal at the time Gramps."

He exhales eyes shutting slightly a smile that carries distances of memories weighs on his face. Olivia can imagine Gramps with girlish hair and a gentle touch. She creates the story alone inside her head.

He continues stammering the words out like a skipped record ."I know, but she was a beauty queen out of Tulsa with this slight lisp that drove me crazy. She wasn't Dorothy Dandridge, but she was close."

Olivia smiles and the sun lives in the curl of her lips. "How did you guys meet?" She asks.

"Her mother was a seamstress and my mother would often buy dresses from her and it was one those perfect kind of days were everything just goes right. I had come there a million times with my mother but I had never seen her before. I remember thinking I could fall in love with this girl. We could really have something special, damn the consequences. "Animation thrilled his voice.

"So, you took one look at her and you knew."

'I was floating on a multitude of emotions but I'd say my heart made a definite choice."

"What happened?" Olivia watches his jaws fall into a scoop. The mist in his eyes surprises her.

Chuckling quietly he blows out a harsh breath. "The world happened to us. She got pregnant and I wanted to marry her the moment she uttered those words, but her family left town once she told her parents and I drove myself crazy looking for them."

"Oh Gramps." Olivia wraps her arm around him her cheeks falling to his shoulder.

He turns to her a weak smile painting his lips. "Of course I married Fitzgerald mother, but Delilah was the love of my life and I was just a boy with an empty heart and whiskey on my breath."

"Gramps why did you tell me this." She playfully whined. "I'm going to be an emotional wreck."

He shrugs a wistful smile ages the blue of his eyes. "I'm not completely sure. I guess I saw a sadness in you that I could relate to."

The mere act of his words is a love. It's an assurance that the love in this home that was built with bricks could be torn by the strength of a vicious tornado but love would linger clumped into the rustic red remains of blocked cement.

Olivia feels ancient. The tired twinge that has fossiled her bones seem to shake underneath her flesh.

"I don't want to be sad anymore Gramps."

"Just fall in love with yourself, Little One and don't let the world kill that beautiful spirit of yours. "

He pressed a polite kiss to her temple. This makes Olivia smile a giggle erupting from her throat.

Love isn't a curse, or punishment she realizes it a unending sacrifice of the heart.

* * *

The night printed their shadows across the concrete. The white spiral ride took them through the air in a slow deliberate whoosh. Stars brightened the midnight hue of the sky. A shrill of laughter beams up around her and Fitz. She lays her head upon his chest his heartbeat strong and sure. Her cheeks blush at the feel of his lips.

"Sweet Liv." He whispers his teeth nipping her ear. She takes his hand kissing each knuckle her lips a silent prayer along each wrinkle of his finger.

She feels his hands curl underneath her jaw and the slow lick of his tongue at the bottom of her lip makes her lose every sane thought. His lips crash unto hers and it's dizzying a pleasant suffocation. His lips glide across her top lip unexpectedly and she kisses him with a feverish force. A shiver ripples at the spine of her body.

"Fitz." She nearly moans. He pulls her closer pecking her neck.

"You're mine." He whispers.

Fitz had her heart the bloody mess beating away in his grips all the ugliness pulled away and thrown into debris. He made her smile. Her laughter was his very own soundtrack. Up in the air peering at the ant like figures beneath her she felt like the world had given her all its gems. Maybe it was Gramps and his tale of love the night before, she's not really sure, but life for her isn't dipped in arctic ice anymore. Of course it's not sugary sweet either, but each breath doesn't wither into a cave.

Childhood dust doesn't cloud her lungs.

She had never been on a Ferris wheel before or any kind of ride for that matter. It had been Fitz idea to ride the train to downtown Atlanta and share a ride.

"Emerald," Fitz says softly. Olivia looks to him confused.

"What?"

"That's pretty name right, for a little girl?" He nudges her shoulder.

She frowns. "Fitz we don't even know what we are having yet and besides I don't like it give me another."

"Ok what about Fitzgeraldine." He says nonchalantly.

Olivia laughs heartily. "Seriously Fitz you're a funny man. You should go on the road." She pecks his lips.

His mouth forms a tight pout that makes Olivia laugh harder. She pinches his cheeks affectionately.

"Well do you have any suggestions Livvie?" He questions a hint of amusement playing at his voice.

"Delilah, "Olivia said taking a deep breath. Her teeth sink into her lower lip. Naming their child after the mythical woman that lived in Gramps past would be a precious gift. Fitz nods respectfully.

"That's a good one Livvie. I love it. It's such a sweet name for a sweet girl with your laugh and curiosity.

"You think she will have your amazing voice?" She looks from the ground to the sky.

"Of course and she will devour books like her Mama." He pats her hip gently.

The Ferris wheel jerks to a stop.

The night surrounded them under its stare he helped her down off the ride his hand never leaving her waist. She snuggled into his shoulder. Neon bright lights littered the street. Her eyes roamed the many vendors soliciting chips and soda. The waft of funnel cake and caramel apples tinge at her nostrils. She rubs at her belly.

"Fitz if I stuff my mouth with cotton candy, funnel cake, a caramel apple and a slice pizza will you still love me." She feigns a puppy dog expression.

He laughed, his mouth hung open in a loose grin, "Livvie I want a healthy baby with chubby legs and cheeks. Eat until your heart is content."

They spent the starry night falling into the calm breeze of the wind. The sticky sweet filled concoctions digested itself and they wander the streets. Throngs of people peppered the grassy maze of Centennial Park. Olivia squealed like a giggly baby when the multiple streams of water whooshed into the air.

She smiled each time Fitz placed his hand on her belly his fingers coated with all his dreams and wishes. Nestling her head between his chin and shoulder, she lost herself in the comfort of his body

He looked at her intently. "Tired?" Concern etched across his face.

She shakes her head. "No just in love with you."

A blushing smile plays at his lips Olivia kisses it away.

Amongst the hundreds of others, they cross the cobbled pathway onto another strip that has benches strategically placed along the grass. They take a seat under the blue-black sky, the stars a halo hanging over them. This heat feels like the crush of Eatonton.

"Did you talk to Nanny?" Fitz ask randomly.

Olivia nods. "She's ok. I guess my mama is giving her a bit of trouble. I'm sure it's nothing she can't handle." She states half jokily.

It isn't a lie really. Just a half truth, still she swallows away the tempered guilt.

Fitz gives her a peculiar look that she can't quite comprehend. He rolls his neck the slight crack making her cringe.

"I talked to mom. She's doing ok misses me like hell, but she doesn't know when she can come and see us. She's doing summer school this year so her schedule is pretty hectic." He says.

"I miss her. She's the only woman that can make your dad squirm."

Fitz chuckles. "Yea mom is definitely a firecracker let's hope this kid has half of her spunk." Fitz rubs her belly and her head falls onto his shoulder

"Fitz you ever think were being selfish." The question blends into the night boomeranging into quiet space. She waits to hear the wounds submerging in his voice.

"What exactly do you mean?" Lines form on his forehead. He looks so much like his father in this moment.

She turns her head back to the plain of grass. "Us getting pregnant. Everyone having to coming to our rescue."

He shakes his head his grip tightens around her. "I don't see it that way. Our parents did what parents do. They help you out, were so young Livvie. We would have fallen before life even gave us a chance."

"So if our daughter or son went through something similar to us, you wouldn't resent them."

"Hell no, of course I would be angry and disappointed all the right emotions, but resentment just doesn't really sit well with me. What's happening to us is so imperfect, but I would do it again every day."

"You would?" A glimmer of vulnerability stricken the chords in her voice. What she doesn't ask is if he will ever resent her for this life they scribbled out for themselves. It tugs at her heart the silent fear that one day he will look at her and just see time that he will never grab again. How can he be so damn sure that their love won't run out? Pour into the concrete like a shaken bottle of soda.

Sometimes he loves for the both of them.

A flash of hurt covers his face, but it dissolve quickly as it appeared.

"If the earth fell apart and life begins again and I had the choice to fall in love with you and get you pregnant at the ripe age of eighteen. It would frighten the hell out of me, but this life we have is all I want."

His eyes say so many things. A puzzle of emotion. Love. Desperation. Strength.

"Me too Fitz." She whispers into his chest.

Her eyes lifts to his face she stares into the baby blues that tackled her heart with a relentless precision.

A tender kiss to his chin is all she can muster. A gust of breath leaves his chest.

A trumpet invades the quiet. They are startled by the tan dread locked street musician. She recognizes the somber chords of Chet Baker's _I Fall In love To Easily. _It's a gloomy song but Olivia can't resist. She taps Fitz wrist and instinctually he helps her up from the bench. A steady hand at the small of her back.

A glorious smile paints his face. This look gives her a blissful feeling. She wraps her arms around his neck their bodies flushed and curved into each other.

And so they sway in love because it's the most honest thing in the world.

A/N: **I haven't updated in awhile, because I suffered from some really terrible writer's block. Random note I'm not sure if any of you have ever watched the movie Adventure In Babysitter's my fave 80's movie, but our favorite sociopath Charlie has a minor role in it. My sister thought I was insane when I screamed Charlie at the television. Let me know what you guys think! **


	13. Chapter 131 The UpHeave

**(Shonda Rhimes owns these characters.) I have nothing snarky to say. After this chapter I think know what it's like to want to entertain, but also stay true to your story.) Sigh.**

* * *

Olivia had rolled out of bed with an uncontainable excitement. Friday's sunlight had reached her window leaving the bed sheets painted in lemon streaks.

The water splashes her skin she exhales like a dying woman. Soap lathers over the curves of her limbs she stands under the sprinkled stream lets the water ballooned drips cover her.

She steps out the tub feet meeting the cold tile. The towel wraps around her body but, she suddenly rips it back off.

This morning she didn't recognize her body. The flesh tugged out into the slightest half moon shape. She thought the first changes would make her want to hide. It was all suddenly real to her under the fluorescent lights. Her and the baby are beginning to know each other. It's a simple knowing. At fourteen weeks, this creature, human ball of fetal movement has taken over her life.

It's science fiction.

Twirling in her mint green box pleated skirt the bottom meeting below her kneecap she retrieves a shell pink bishop blouse out the closet. Tan brown oxfords wiggled on her feet. She ties her hair into a bundle ponytail with just a swoop of hair covering her forehead.

/

The cool surface of granite meets her fingertips as she opens the cabinets looking for flour. She pulls out eggs, milk, butter and other ingredients she will need. Tying a frilly apron around her waist she takes the aluminum bowls from underneath the cabinets.

Determination crinkled her forehead when she whipped the battered concoction. Dipping her fingers into the creamy mix she sighed like a crowned beauty queen. The smooth whipped strawberry frosting curled above the vanilla fluffed cupcake. She clasped her fingers together in glee.

She covers the two cupcakes in tuber ware, then hoisting her satchel on her shoulder, she locks the door walking the minor length to the bus stop.

The bumpy ride feels like a see saw. She holds onto the steel rail beside her anxious to not miss her stop. The buildings float past her window. Mazes of neighborhoods whip into focus. Cars zoom alongside the polluted tank of transportation.

The sunlight swarmed over violets that swung into the rustled air and the trees whirred out toward the sky. The modest structure lay in the heart of the frenetic city. The dwellers of poverty beg for coins and just human kindness. The closeness of their desperation startled Olivia. She hadn't seen the eclipse of the American dream so abruptly. Sure she knew homeless people existed, but the stench and madness was an unwelcoming site.

She wondered about the stuffy prep schooled educated individuals that crossed these mangled streets to this very building. She smiled politely at their outstretched hands giving a curt nod, before scurrying inside the youth center.

She stood before a circular desk where a woman sat idly typing on a desktop. The loud smack of her gum makes Olivia roll her eyes.

She clears her throat and the young woman brightens before her, her eyes scanning Olivia's face.

"Can I help you?" She squeaks out cheerfully.

Olivia returns her smile before speaking. "Yes I 'm actually looking for my boyfriend. You wouldn't happen to know him, his name is Fitz." The edge of her fingers taps the desk nervously.

"Sure," She points out to a long corridor with singular doors. "He should be in the third room on the left."

Olivia nods, smiling politely before walking the several feet to the hallway. She absently looks into the rooms, timidly turning her head at the giggly vibrations that float out into the hall. She stops at the edge of the room. The tuber ware hangs loosely at the tips of her fingers. It almost drops, but she grips firmly.

Olivia hesitates at the doorframe not sure what is before her. It seems innocent enough, but the scene leaves her stuck. She shifts under the weight of her body, her hands a sweaty glaze, she blinks digging her heel into the shiny marble floor.

The nervous excitement that scraped the inner curve of her stomach tumbleweed into a web of panic. Was this the reason Fitz had decided to work full time instead of part time?

Fitz sat with a conventionally attractive young woman with a bee hive of brunette hair. Her attire coifed and polished not a single thread blemished.

Their smiles unashamed, but the banter bashful. She wonders what brought on their sudden laughter it all makes Olivia feel helpless. She straightens her body against spine of the door. She doesn't make her presence known just yet she would like a second more of torture.

Fitz wildly gestures telling her a joke that Olivia's heard a thousand times, making an exaggerated faces along the way the girl laughs almost too loudly. Fitz is amusing, but he isn't fucking Jimmy Fallon. Olivia recoils inwardly when the girl faintly rubs Fitz thigh. His body stills, a flesh statue. It is then that Olivia clears her throat, making her presence known; thumping kinetic beads of irritation shake her skin.

Fitz eyes meet hers surprise flickering in his gaze. He flies up from his chair trudging the distance between them. Love a forever moon that shackles him to her.

"Hi sweet girl!" His voice practically sings. Arms reach her body and she's buried in the solid muscle of his chest. She shuts her eyes tightly her lips crescent moons of buoyancy.

He brings his lips to her temple a trail of kisses making a silent plea. She hugs him tighter the tuber ware stabbing the delicate middle of his back.

"I brought you cupcakes." She says softly, whipping the container in front of him opening its contents. A boyish rapture quails Fitz. He takes the puffy treat into his mouth frosting covering his lips. He finished the cupcake in three bites. Olivia cups his face kissing with a tenderness that buckles his knees.

A shiver of breath floats out her throat. Fitz leaves their embrace his hand ghosting down the youthful curves of her body stopping at her hips.

"I want you to meet someone Fitz says behind him." He turns to the young woman beaming a smile that chills any romantic notions.

He gestures toward Olivia not able to speak without kissing the high plumb of her cheek.

"Mellie." he begins again, nearly gushing, "This is Olivia Pope, my girlfriend. The tiny person that kicks me in the back of my knees every night while sleeping." Mischief fills his eyes.

The awkward tension doesn't escape the room quickly enough. Mellie nods, a bristle smile pained her face.

Olivia has never disliked someone so cruelly. A sharp knife edge annoyance blanches. Mellie moves to shake her hand the large fingertips feel cold. Olivia immediately loosens her grip cuddling closer to Fitz side. Smiling joyfully down at her Fitz seems oblivious to the shark swimming in their midst.

Olivia watches as Mellie's eyes level at her midsection a menaced sneer curling at her lips.

"Are you expecting?" She asks her eyes narrowing.

Olivia glares at her the voice sneaking out assaulting her ears reminding Olivia of moonshine and ginger snaps. A bitter batch. Before Olivia can speak Fitz large hands cover her belly, a silly grin hanging loosely on his face.

"Guilty!" He teases gingerly kissing Olivia cheeks.

A beat of time passes before Mellie speaks. "How sweet teen pregnancy." The saccharine tone doesn't lessen the bitter retort. Her sarcasm not masked by the gleam of her eyes.

Stricken speechless Fitz smile falters and an anger that frightens builds at the steel blue of his eyes. Olivia lips part harsh words froth at the bottom of her lip her tongue verbal venom. Eyes blazed with a raged fiery. Words don't seem to come. Meaningless fire breathed sentences stringed together won't curb the vexation. Bitch is the first word Olivia options to utter, but she swallows the vowels. It would be expected.

This is the Olivia Pope she keeps hidden, tucked in the shadowed confines of herself. This blind wrath that dwells is the only inheritance that Maya Lewis bestowed.

Jolts of electric rage curls Olivia fingers to the center of her palm and the diaphanous fist springs to life. Fitz catches her arm before Olivia can punch the makeup caked skin of Mellie's face. Shaking her head Olivia looks to Fitz his eyes reassuring. A subtle calm ebbs her anger.

Mellie brushes past them shuffling out of the room her heels clicking behind her the bouncing wave of hair cartoonish from behind.

Like brief waves in the sea Olivia's lung lash fresh breath to her body. Fitz arms wrap tightly around her middle his hug crushing and love tainted. Intimacy smoothes the hard edges straightens the crooked veins of her heart. For a moment silence travels in parachutes around them. Not speaking, dulls the visible current.

Lacing her fingers in his Fitz takes a seat in the cushioned arm chair seated in the corner. Olivia gently falls into his lap leaning reflexively on his chest. His fingers sprawl knotted on the heap of her tummy.

She breaks the quiet her voice cracking slightly. "She likes you." Olivia almost feels foolish at her very own words.

Defensive, Fitz remarks, "I don't care."

"I care." She says too quickly stamping the sentence out. Chewing the inside of her cheek, she squirms his arms suddenly a constraint.

His chin dents her shoulder locking her in place. He doesn't say anything inceptively. The curl of his hair tickles her earlobe. The tight tension of his body makes flesh into rocks.

He hesitates. "I never thought of you as the jealous type."

Her limbs stiffen, but soon stretch back into place. "I'm not jealous just perceptive."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Nothing. What can you possibly do? She replies smartly.

"I love you." He offers.  
"She's a bitch." Olivia huffs the strain of her voice a scratched record.

/

Troubling drops of time trickle past and Olivia makes the exodus back home. The stillness of the house is a comforting positive. She drops her satchel at the door her shoes kicked off at the entrance.

The kitchen pops with life Fitzgerald and Gramps are seated at the table. The keen aroma of quesadillas make Olivia's mouth water. Drifting towards the room with an ecstatic urgency she catches the smiles that form on Fitzgerald and Gramps faces.

She plops down at the table Gramps grabbing her plate placing two quesadillas on top. Fitzgerald stands rinsing out a cup and pouring her a full glass of lemonade. She smiles her thanks.

"Little one." Gramps says a jumpy smile on his face. Olivia's head falls to his shoulder.

" I don't want to talk about." She replies simply before taking a huge bite out of the Mexican cuisine.

The crunch of the crisp tortillas fills the pleasant silence. She tries to erase the icky feelings of this afternoon. She couldn't believe the audacity of that buxom whore. It made her feel low, but not enough to be ashamed. She's done with shame.

She understands that as the weeks trail on and her baby's legs lengthens, kicks and flutters inside her she can't hide.

Olivia turns her gaze to Fitzgerald. A man lumped into many mysteries. Of course she hadn't known the monster that brewed before she met him Fitz hardly ever talked about that time much. She understands in the deepest way that pain sometimes was better left unsaid.

She chews away at the quesadilla, sipping her lemonade then wiping at her mouth.

"Olivia how's works?" Fitzgerald asks.

She shrugs. "It's great actually. Not too demanding. "

"Great! Ms. Lamar has told me very positive things about you. She says that you're very attentive and you have a natural appreciation for books and the kids just love you."

"Yea it's going to be a bit of bummer when I have to quit for school."

"Not really you can always work when you're on break for winter."

"Sure but I think the baby has other ideas." She smiles rubbing her belly.

"Right," He replies awkwardly realizing that baby would be due in December. "Well there's always the summer."

"Hopefully, but I think I'm going to focus on being a mother ."

"Of course Olivia do what you want were all behind you a hundred percent. I know I wasn't the most charming guy when we first met, but I'd like to think I'm putting up a great effort."

"Actions Fitzgerald, are far more important to me than words. " Gramps chides gently, winking at Olivia.

Fitzgerald clears his throat. " I should mention that Fitz said he was coming home late. Something about going out with some guys from work. He said he'd be home by ten." He finishes.

Immediately Olivia heart quickens and visions of Mellie and Fitz in a naked tango flood her mind.

She licks her lips. "Why didn't he call me?" It's a hardly a question more of a statement.

" I wouldn't think much of it. He probably didn't want you to worry." Gramps tries to assure her.

She nods tightening the contours of her face to block out any signs of emotion. Today she's suddenly too tired to worry. She pushes away any lingering thoughts. Tonight she will keep herself company.

Exhaustion causes her to yawn and she stretches out pulling her arms over her head.

The dishes soaked in a soapy rinse and the table cleared. The trio exits the kitchen lounging in the family room. Olivia lies lazily on the couch mildly interested in the film _American Hustle_. Sure the costumes are great but it all just seems like Jennifer Lawrence doing her best impression of Sharon Stone in _Casino_ and Bradley Cooper in pink rollers to her. The credits roll and it's barely night fall, but Olivia is tired to her bones. Energy sapped and she's hardly done much.

She says her goodnights, climbing the steps. Closing the bedroom door, she removes her clothes retrieving her nightgown and unties her hair. Walking across the room she climbs into bed.

_The Bell Jar_ lays on the night stand she picks it up finding her bookmarked page. The fragile novel of Sylvia Plath almost makes Olivia life looks like a fairytale.

Before she can even get to bottom of the page her eyes shut and sleep takes over.

* * *

Time ticks away under the scope of the night. Olivia can't sleep. She's tossed a million times under the bundle of bed sheets.

Seven times the hot buzz of her cell phone meets her ear and the phone calls spiral to voicemail. Olivia pushes the hot shelled tears to a faraway place. It is in this time the hard crack of her heart almost leaves her breathless.

Moving the heavy bed linen from her body she leaps from the bed anxiety wired at the thin blue of her veins. Pacing the floor with rapid tension the carpet curls under her toes.

She moves back to the edge of her bed tightly crossing her legs before her. Smoothing the invisible wrinkles of her thighs, she braces the curve of her knee cap. She swallows the large dust ball that lodges in her throat.

Panic brinks like a fiery canon ball in her stomach lunging against her insides, she has to breathe slow deaths, wringing her hands together for a depth of seconds.

She hears the front door slam and his heavy footsteps marching up the path. His shadow mars the bleak shade of the moon. Olivia lifts her deep brown eyes the weary bloodshot eyes before her makes her heart clang out of place, speeding to the edges of her crimson peak like a pinball.

"Liv." Fitz merely whimpers. The liquor drowns the sweet cheer of his voice.

The tears are a blind force. She doesn't recognize the near man before her.

He trips onto the carpet his feet betraying the sluggish pace of his lungs. Every cell in his body is charred to the tip. Whiskey boils the sanity of his brain

It had stuck with him in those closed off walls, the shrill of Mellie's voice, quiet violent anger that possessed Olivia, and he was helpless to from the proper words.

Shame confronted him; it sat at the pit of his stomach like cement. A war fought right before him as the questions beckoned him forth. _How could he not say something when that terrible girl opened her mouth? Why didn't he let Olivia punch her lights out? Was he a coward?_

He couldn't understand the paralyzing thoughts. One infected sentence and he's left reeling toward the abyss of his own pity. Pity sunk his legs like a Fisher Price boat in the Atlantic Ocean.

He had been a fool to himself jumping over explosive minefields bare foot_. "Teenage pregnancy how sweet." _ It rang like an offbeat chant in his eardrum.

The folded bills crumpled in his wallet he practically begged a man to buy him the largest liter of whiskey he could find. The liquid tore down his throat like acid. He enjoyed the burn.

This is what men do right? He had thought to himself earlier. When their problems overwhelm them they find a bottle of whiskey and let their dreams float in that pure russet stream.

His very own father hid inside the glass, and Gramps had licked the taste from his tongue too. It was his legacy to thrash into the nearest bottle, but what was it all for? Olivia, that sweet girl of his he couldn't find it in himself to go home just yet.

He had to knock himself around a bit, make a man out of his childish abundance. So he beat his chest, as the whiskey shivered his liver, drove into surged speeds on the desert highway anything to chase away the taunts.

It didn't make him a man though, because in the plush leather of his car, he did the one thing men are forbidden to do. He cried into the sleeve of his shirt. Gasps broke way to his throat and sobs echoed.

Half the bottle empty and he still felt like a fungus. He stayed cramped in the backseat of his car a sleepiness overtaking him. Night rippled the sunny skies when he had finally opened his eyes again.

/

A strangeness bearing an eerie hush absorbed the room. A broken puerile boy stood before her, skin, bones, flesh, and pulse. Human he already was, but pedestals that reached cosmic dust were now destroyed into rubble. She had made him a hero of shaky ground.

If there was ever a time for them to become strangers to each other it was in these ticked away moments.

She struggled with her thoughts, but it was all a blur. Fitz was drunk, and she didn't know why. It was the dead of midnight and he teeters forth like a headless blind man into the room.

She speaks first her locution a jumbled fast mess. The worry grows roots on her tongue.

"Fitz where have you been? What's going on?" The bottom of her lip held hostage by her teeth.

The silence muzzled her questions, Fitz stood with his back slumped, his eyes roaming everywhere but her face.

"Look at me Fitz." She screams she doesn't mean to, but it's all so suddenly helpless. Calm thrown out the window.

He trudges forth, but stops at the center of the floor, his footsteps only inches away from her. It seems he's contemplating his next words, moves.

"I can't Fitz." The rest of her sentence trapped in the veins of her tongue.

Fitz finds his voice. A glare narrowed in Olivia's direction. "What Livvie? What in the absolute hell are you talking about."

She flinches under the ire of his words. "Your drunk Fitz," She harshly whispers. "I can't worry about you coming home late. This isn't you at all. I'm pregnant just in case you've forgotten I don't need this from you. Please don't be this person." She folds her arms across her chest and sits up straighter.

"I'm trying Livvie." He whimpers out. "

"Try fucking harder Fitz!" She doesn't recognize her voice or the anger that takes over her."I'm home driving myself insane worried about you. I don't have the privilege Fitz to be irresponsible. I think we've had our fill of irresponsibility." Her voice cracks lightly. "I can't go out and get drunk. This is our life. You don't get to be selfish. "

Like atomic missiles each and every word daggers his skin. He sways back on his feet almost tipping over.

"Everything isn't about you Olivia." He bites back.

"Well then what the hell is going on Fitz."  
" Everyone here is making sure you're happy and comfortable." A restless gulp of air feels his lungs.

What about me?" He screeches the decibels of his voice a shrill soprano. Frustrated he tugs at the curls of his hair.

She loses breath. "No, Fitz." She shakes her head.

"A week ago I was fine, but today. I'm starting to think I'm a loser." The desperate chords in his voice strain to be clear.  
"So instead of coming home and talking to me you decide getting drunk is the smartest decision." She remarks incredulously. She softens a bit. "Fitz just tell me what's wrong."

The slow creak of their door interrupts and Fitzgerald and stands by the doorframe.

"I heard yelling." Fitzgerald explains before waltzing further into the room.

Fitz sighs nearly pulling at his hair. "We are fine dad. I think I have everything covered."

"I'm not sure you do son." Fitzgerald responds concern bends in every wrinkle of his brow.

"Whatever." Fitz replies petulantly.

"Listen to me Fitz. Whatever is going on with you don't take it out on Liv. She's pregnant and maybe you should show a little respect to not only me, but her."

"I wish everyone would stop reminding me that she's pregnant. If you hadn't notice I'm aware. I kind of had something to do with it."

"Fitz." Olivia hisses trying to control the already spiraled situation. A whistled heat settles over the room.

Fitzgerald approaches Fitz curling his hands under his biceps. Fitz snatches away pushing at Fitzgerald chest.

Stumbling back Fit reaches for a confidence in his voice."I'm a man Dad. I can handle this alone. Just get the fuck out of here." He 's never sounded so much like a child before. If he could just pout and stomp his feet he would be five years old all over again.

Fitzgerald edges closer nearly inches away from the tip of Fitz nose. His fist ball like desert rock."Boy is that whiskey on your breath or did you have a party and I wasn't invited." Fitzgerald snarls the tone of his voice a whipping lash.

"Fuck off Dad!" Fitz shouts pushing his father once again.

It a tale ancient as time. The son inherits the father sins.

A hard grasp and Fitz body staggers into the wall. The brave hearted warrior slumped in his father's silent fury. The curled fist cracks across the soft flesh of Fitz face. Bones rush against skin. Bruised purple will soon swell the ridge of his eye.

A spontaneous rupture of violence and Fitzgerald is a man that doesn't recognize himself. Olivia watches Fitzgerald shrink back a look of horror washes away at him. The large span of his hand a betrayal. He stares down at his son crumpled to the floor unable to defend himself under the weight of his own intoxication. Fitzgerald looks to Olivia then back to Fitz.

A howling cry breaks free from the confines of his throat. He stumbles back feet slipping into the carpet.

Frightened Olivia crawls to the floor touching Fitzgerald heated fingertips. " Just go I will take care of him. " She mumbles.

He nods breaking speedily into a run his tears staining the carpet.

Burgundy tears bleed from her heart.

She's fixing a mess she didn't make.

* * *

**A/N: This chapter frustrated the hell out of me. I'm honestly trying to write with honesty and I don't want it to be melodramatic, but I'm struggling with staying true to the characters, but also putting forth something that is engaging and interesting. I wanted to show more of the dynamic between Fitz and Fitzgerald . Did you think Fitzgerald's reaction was normal, because I grappled with how I wanted him to react to hitting his son. Just a heads up it doesn't get better, but it doesn't get worse. I'm sorry if this isn't exactly a happy story, but I promise it will be very soon. I think a thunderstorm is necessary before the rainbow. I guess you could say that I enjoy the darkness of emotions. **

**Also I do read your reviews and for the previous chapter I must say I was really awed at your passion and thoughtfulness. You guys seem to really comprehend all the integral parts of this fiction. I very much appreciate your support. **

**Special shout out to LoreneMichelle41, Mypencries ( not Christina Applegate, but Elizabeth Shue), ShaunV76, Cleo and AuntDee94 and jennkyle you guys loyally review and share great insight. **

**Oh and RunningGladiator followed my story. (Excuse me while I get terribly VULGAR.) YASSSSSSS! MOTHERFUCKER! YOU CAN'T TELL ME A DAMN THING. Duplicity, The Rest of A Dream, Slow Dance, Audacity, and frankly any FUCKING thing she writes I'm for here it. It's like getting the seal of approval from Don Corleone.**

**Also Up Close and Personal! Possibly one of the most consistent and realistic fanfiction stories.**

**But really I appreciate everyone, because lately I've been feeling a little less than confident in my writing abilities.**

**Wow this was way to long, but I have a lot of feelings and I prefer to write them instead of eat them. **

**Review I would really like to know specifically for this chapter what you thought. Please be as constructive as possible I enjoy the torment.**


	14. Chapter 132 The Awakening

_**(All belongs to Shonda Rhimes) **_

The Awakening

A broken boy with his guilt on his fingertips, his mother's smile on his lips and the smiling blue irises that crushed all the darkness that had absorbed her heart. It's hardly ever difficult to fall in love it's surviving that love praying it doesn't kill you with its enormous grip.

She washes herself bathes, cleanses with love and she's still dirty. They lay in the pool of cottony sheets feet tangled between each other. His head a heavy weight on the perky blooms of her breast. Warm fingertips trail down the pale flesh of his back she likes the feel of his goose bumps.

The night still rings out in terrible unison. The blunt violence that erupted right before her flashes all at once. Fitzgerald fists an arrow to Fitz eye. She hadn't had a second to think and everything that seemed possible wasn't enough. So she gathered the comforter from their bed and pillows to shield their heads from the carpet and she rocked him away into the dark blue crushed night. He had done it for her a million times.

He moaned and writhe at the sway of her body. She assumed the pain from his eye was unbearable, but she didn't have the energy to warm a washcloth and tend to his wounds. Her wounds are much more severe. If they opened her chest they would find pools of crimson were her heart used to lie.

"Liv?" Dust cakes the chords of his voice. He sounds like a man out of breath. She kisses the waves of his hair. Delicate hands that wouldn't harm a fly roped around his body like a noose.

"Shhh Fitz." She's not sure if she's ready for any more lethal bombs to be thrown at her.

He hadn't meant to be a belligerent menace. The pain throttled his eye. He tried to blink but a laser of agony shot through his entire face.

She looks down at him giving a weak smile. It's all she can offer.

"I fucked up." He says quietly. She let's each syllable bring her to life. Initially she doesn't say anything. What is there to say? Apologies are inches in time we forget them, but words stings. Feelings don't allow you to forget and when you can't forget it's hard to forgive.

The strength to speak again comes from outer space. Mars red dust. Jupiter's thirteen rings. Pluto's abysmal presence. It strings into fragmentary form. "You hurt me." She stammers out. An ocean sails in her throat. Sometimes her emotions seemed an endless stream. The truth was much more refreshing. He really did hurt her. His verbal bruises scabbed left ugly scars.

Lightning strikes at the tip of her tongue. "If you had said one more thing. I think I would have died right where I stood. I would have exploded into a million pieces."

A slow drag of emotions rushed into him like a locomotive train. Regret. Sadness. Dread and plain Fear. He tries his best not to cry when he speaks again. "I was awful to you. I'm a selfish little boy that cries when his daddy isn't paying attention to him." He mumbles to her.

She could win and let all the doubt fill him. It would be a lackluster revenge, but it definitely wouldn't be love. "Fitz, you have no idea what it was like for me when I first found out I was pregnant. It was this secret that could literally kill every around me, and I had to keep it tucked away." She's never felt so exposed. He winces at the pain of her words.

It's not enough to slow the suffocation that bundled them into a vise grip. He rolls on his back leaving there embrace. The plush of the pillow does nothing to subside the drain of the headache he feels coming on. Swiftly he takes her body gathering it against his chest. The dead parts of him withered when her supple flesh meets his. It's a baptism.

She doesn't want to need him this much. The weights of his arms are wrapped around her body like two tight silent pleas. She is wading in a turbulent stream.

"You were mean, spoiled and drunk, but I love you and I'm not sure what that says about me. Maybe I have a penchant for emotional terrorism."

"I'm sorry." He moaned, choked.

She chooses not to relent. Freeing the ghosts that haunted the honest words trapped in her throat. "You should be. Whatever ugliness that's eating away at you don't bring it to me every again. I don't deserve that. All we really have is each other and Fitz I can't survive any of this without you. I'm not asking you to be my hero or move mountains for me but just hold my hand until everything doesn't hurt anymore." Her hands rested on his chest. His heartbeat sounds like thunder to her ears. Love isn't painless she knows that now. It isn't limited either.

She continues on softly, afraid to say the words. "Just tells me one thing Fitz were you with her." She winces at the desperation of her voice. He does too, because he's brought her to her knees. It's an unthinkable romance between him and Mellie. Their worlds collide and if he was a lesser man he still wouldn't succumb to her veneer of Southern belle ladylike pliability.

The slow beat of his heart jumps to an electric pace. The vision of him and Mellie turns his stomach. A purge is needed after the unpleasant wake of thoughts. She had been flirty but he thought nothing of it. It was all harmless at least in the beginning, but she rubbed his thigh that awful day. He saw the flicker of sexual tease. Before he could even rebuff her Liv had sauntered through the door. He'd take a metal revolver to the shin before his lips touched another woman's. He was a man earthed to only one person.

Fitz gasps and says. "No, Livvie. Never. I'm not sure I can't even stomach the thought of being with anyone else." Fingers thread the tangle of curls on top of her head. She welcomes the familiar touch.

She breathed an exasperated hiss. "I felt like scum Fitz. All my worst fears she had encapsulated them in one sentence." Tears cloud the bridge of her eyes. She blinks them away. Fitz notices the unraveling of her voice.

He was suddenly more serious than he had been before. "I'm thinking about the world Livvie and sometimes I get so scared. You're only going to get bigger and I can't stop the world. I can't change how people are going to see you. I guess I hadn't really thought of it intensely enough until Mellie opened her big mouth." He sounds away nervously, but continues on. Stillness convicts his speech, but his passion isn't lessened.

"They won't know how smart and curious you are, or understand the quiet fierceness of your poetry. All anyone will ever see is your sweet young face and a big swollen belly. "

She had never really thought how all of this was affecting him. This waltz had her stepped on her feet too many times. The both of them young and naïve lost children looking for a way to quell the loneliness. They had made homes out of each other, but a person isn't a home. Wounds don't salvage because _I love you's_ are recited.

She's got the sentimental scar tissue to prove it. He does too.

She scoots closer to the hollow of his neck and breathes in the masculine lines of his throat. Sweet pecks tickle his Adam apple. His hand strokes downward to her lower back soothingly and she sighs and all the toxic breaths are flattened and her breathing becomes steady again.

She brought her fingers t o his lips." _I know you_" they say.

She swallows hard and lets out a whimpered sigh. "Do you know how many times I thought of all the scenarios of my life and being 18 and pregnant wasn't one of them. Who the hell do I think I am, standing up to the world?" Olivia raises her head and looks to him. The stark blue of his eyes are misty and a swirl of melancholy tinges. She closes her eyes and the hot tears prick like a cactus.

Her voice is barely above a whisper. "Maybe I was ashamed before and this whole ordeal just felt tragic, but now I love this child more than anything in this world, and I'm not going to hold myself hostage for it. I just want this little human inside of me to know that I loved him or her before I ever saw their face or knew their smile." It isn't a struggle to speak anymore. The exposed contents of her heart sprinkle onto the floor. She's slayed the dragon, tore it to shreds with a paper sword.

"You're so brave." He manages sincerely. If he stands he will tip over at the bloated weight of his heart.

"You are too" She quietly whispers.

Fitz lips tease the corner of her mouth. Words aren't enough and even if he tried it would all sound like gibberish.

She let's herself be clouted into the feverish embrace of his languor body. Lazy fingers dance along the tan circle of his nipple. She presses her lips to his chest. Curled fingers find her face and his lips are Miles Davis on a rainy day. The ease of his tongue in her mouth is a sanctuary she deepens the kiss the taste of his mouth a bittersweet blend of whiskey and him.

Blindly they stripped off their clothes and ragged breaths hiss the midnight rush. Olivia straddling his strong waist the pleasant tip of him strokes inside her and she loses her breath. She's drowning already and the waves haven't struck her yet. It's a slick burn that doesn't falter.

Their bodies cling to one another under the deliberate haze of their lovemaking. He kissed and whispered how much he loved her into every part of her body that his lips graced.

Before, everything was tipping over a ledge, but now it's scooting towards forgiveness. He had fractured her heart but together they had put it back together, stitched every purple blue vein into a beating cocoon.

/

_I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings _the pages fine print fainted through the age of time sits atop the chestnut night stand. She's not sure how many of her tears weigh down the pages. _Maybe a thousand._ _Possibly a million_. _It doesn't matter_ The books reminds her of all the pleasant things about Eatonton. She reaches for it and she can almost smell Nanny's biscuits inside the novel. Nanny, sweet, Nanny. Flipping through the pages she realizes that her and Maya Angelou aren't as different as she thought.

Fitz strummed his guitar into the bridge of the morning. The strings an acoustic croon that sparked the walls in their room. Watching him play away at the timid melody raised a certain pride in her, Fitz was truly gifted. Locked away in the space of their closet were her journals. She hadn't written in centuries it seemed. A limerick there, scribbled rhymes on a torn napkin. The words seemed to have escaped her somehow. Fighting with herself to bring courage to her lonely pen.

There she was again in the deep set quiet of their bedroom a pensive gaze decorating the slope of her features. Slowly the sharp bend and loop of letters shaped onto the blank page. Dainty music lifted from her own heart into the bled ink of the pen.

Chipped poetic ashes that lay dormant inside her pushed to the surface clinging for the fresh air. And as Fitz played the perfect song. Poetry finds her again.

She lifts her eyes to Fitz and the strumming stops and his body finds itself lying next to her. Taking the journal from her hand his eyes roam the page. Her face is twisted in nervous excitement. He kisses the edge of her shoulder blade and she relaxes just a bit.

Staggered into the comfort of their bed his mouth opens and reads the magnificence only she can posses:

"_Who will scream for the little Afghan girl?_

_With a puzzle piece in her hands _

_Her blood leaves stains on her mother's fingertips_

_The chocolate face girl who thinks bleach will make her skin_

_White._

His voice thuds into the silence as the final stanza leaves his lips her heart smiles. If the world stops, there is her and him only, and all the caked glue they've used to heal themselves dissolves and its all seared flesh. He looks to her and love is the only element. Olivia Pope has devoured every crevice of him, he's all bones. If he ever lost this heaven a crushing death wouldn't be enough because he would remember her bright laughter, her mouth the smile of youth and the sun beating under her skin. He would kiss her in the swirl of fire with her clothes smelling of gasoline.

**A/N: I hope this chapter isn't really confusing. I just want to say that I felt the events of the last chapter needed at least two to three chapters to be sorted out and I'm sorry if things aren't moving as fast as some of you would like, but trust me Baby Grant will be here eventually. **

**I really enjoyed your reviews they were thoughtful and honest. (Let me know what you think this time around!)**


	15. Chapter 133 The Tumbleweed

**(All Belongs to Shonda Rhimes)**

The Cleanse

Tomorrow is a day that fades into the stamped shadows of night.

Football was a roar in the autumn. His father loved football. Fitz picked up his first guitar when he was five. The music seemed to rock inside of him before he could talk. His body an athletic force of nature it would seem fit that he would conquer the gridiron, but music. Music sprouted like weeds coming alive in the folk tenor of his voice. Clinging to the gypsy hems of his mother's skirts he was a damsel in distress under his father's watchful eye. Beneath the dull moon light of his Pearl Jam poster laden room, songwriting ached his wrist. He was clumsy at first only writing clichéd loves songs, but soon his father's alcohol betrayals stabbed his heart and his music took on a deeper hue.

Fitz remembers the nights alone at the peak of midnight pouring over the antique records that flooded his room. Sure it was easier to download from ITunes, but it was something about the vinyl that enraptures all the chords and melodies waiting to leapt out his mouth. It's no secret that he has an obsessed affinity for soul music. That prized record player that Fitzgerald bestowed him it was his love offering in physical form. For awhile that was enough. He's sure he heard Otis Redding's Georgia growls, Marvin Gaye's whispered falsetto in his mother's belly. His father gave him music then hated him when he loved it in return.

Here's the secret that no one knows. Fitz doesn't want to be a professional musician, sure he loves to sing, but a life on the road was never his fairytale. He wants a life with Olivia, music is his mistress. He's stumbling up the steps of life trying to cram in a space for all the things he loves Olivia, music and baby. It shouldn't be this hard, but it is. It scares the hell out of him, but he welcomes the fear because at least he's feeling. He's not running away.

Olivia is away and for a moment he shuns her absent, but he understands that she has to work. He just wishes that he could control the overwhelming tides that are strapping inside him. Sometimes it's easier to be a cave, hollowed and empty. That's what he felt like this morning, but of course the searing pain woke him first, not the gentle kiss to his forehead from Liv when she left. On the floor they had broke open the volcano that had been itching to erupt. He wasn't sure what time they finally went to sleep it was nearly lit morning when they had closed their eyes to slumber.

He doesn't know how she does it. There are darts waiting to pierce her spine, unwed, African American, teenaged young woman, but she wipes the sleep out of her eye and she breathes in the world. He's got to find that courage or maybe he already has it, because it takes courage to love.

Calmed fingertips skim the bruised flesh of his eye he winces at every feather weight. He goes to bathroom and the light wakes up all his senses in the worst way possible. He staggers back almost flinches under his legs. The anguished throb of his head leaves him slumped into the wall. He feels like a walking earthquake.

The mirror is a glass haunted house. He looks like a zombie. He chuckles even though nothing seems humorous about his face. The pulp ridge of his eye is a fascination to him, but he's afraid to touch the damage once more, so instead he mimics a fighter stance and gallops around the floor. It's all crazy because his body is screaming.

His lungs slug his breath and he bends his body over to the sink. Knuckles that were born at the cusp of segregation had blackened his eye. He's not sure why he isn't angered more viscerally at his father. What could he possibly do with that bottled rage? He could wallow in it make himself sick with fiery, but the night flashes in a blur as he turns the faucet of the shower and lifts his legs into the tub.

The water lashes his skin and it's an aquatic vengeance. He stands under the brutal heated streams and tears find a home under his eyelids. Anger doesn't comfort him he's just hurt. Hurt locks him in a cage throwing the key in quick sand.

He doesn't hate his father he just he... He wants to know what his love feels like. His mother's love is a quirky dance when he performs his first solo performance at his school talent show, Gramps gentle hugs are lifeboats to the Titanic sinking sadness that sometimes wrestled him and Olivia gosh her love is the whole galaxy.

His father's love is foreign. It's archaic and patriarchal. All his life his tears have been his burden he couldn't control the carousel that they whirled on his face. If he could just learn how to throw away his emotions he could get his father to love him. Love him how? Love him the right way or love him gently. Love shadows itself in different ways.

He shuffles out the water tomb and into the chill of the bedroom. He throws himself against the bed the towel falling to the floor. He curls into the expanse of the bed not ashamed of the vulnerability that tackles him. He doesn't cry because he's done that enough. Instead he closes his eyes and waits for the blackness to turn to sleep.

/

The sun drips into the concrete. It's an unbearable heated day. The wind stilled in the clouds. She's praying for a cool kiss on her lower back. Olivia Pope used to be shattered glass. Shards of clipped crystals. Now she's a stained glass painting in a cathedral.

The ink black ringlets of hair whip into the wind. She shook away the wrinkles in her orange and yellow mod dress. Walking inside the Buckhead library she's met with the quiet chatter of the people flowing about. She smells the books.

She tries to smile at each person she passes. It's something new she's trying. Making her way towards the long corridor where the children's center is located she doesn't hear the bright laughter that usually greets her. Upon entering she spots a young woman gathering books and placing them carefully on the shelf. Olivia stands to the side not exactly sure of the purpose of her presence.

It takes her a moment but Olivia finally waltz's into the space rather casually not exactly making herself seen, but it isn't long before the young woman whips her head up and a bright smile floats on her lips. It's a stranger's polite smile. Olivia gives her small wave before she sits idly on one of the green plush sofa. She drops her purse beside her then takes a moment to relax comfortably. She's relieved to not be under the burden of the unflinching heat.

"Leonilda." She offers softly putting a final book on the shelf then taking a seat next Olivia.

Her skin reminds Olivia of Georgia peaches in the springs. She's got brown eyes that dazzles when just enough light hits them. She's a wonder of a woman.

"Olivia". Olivia responds back confidently. They shake hands briefly before awkward silence breeches. Olivia plays with the threading on her dress.

"I assume Ms. Lamar didn't tell you I'm going to be working with you?" She laughs quietly to herself as if she knows a sec ret joke.

Olivia nods her head. "No she didn't, but it's really no problem. I guess I could use the help. The kids do get a little wild. Speaking of kids do you know where they are?"

"Oh yea today is a throw away day meaning if the kids get to decide if they want to come here or go somewhere else interesting." She's got a far out Southern accent that sounds like Texas before dawn. Its grit, but sweetness lingers.

She shrugs. "I assume they chose the latter, because it's a ghost town in here. "

Olivia looks down to her hands that sit lazily on her stomach. She rubs it absentmindedly, but then stops herself when she notices Leonilda's gaze on her midsection. The judgment doesn't come or even adjust she just gives Olivia a soft smile before looking away.

In the early pitches of morning she had been reading all her favorite passages of _I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings_ it's a sort of a healing. Maya Angelou had braved the storm of youthful pregnancy. Only Olivia was lucky she had the embraces of Fitz love while, Maya's lover if you could even call him that much had vanished in her fourth month. Over and over she read and it was like the pages gave her strength. If she was going to do this she would do it with words.

Words didn't frighten her. They lived and lifted up her mangled bones and made them steel.

Olivia lifts her eyes to Leonilda's face again and there's a warm sympathy there. A curious glance marks Leonilda's face. She brushes her light hued hair out her face.

"How old are you." She asks giving Olivia a meaningful smile.

"I'll be nineteen in January." She leans forward folding her arms.

"Wow, you look sixteen. I'm assuming you're going to college. Ms Lamar was literally bragging about you. I must admit I thought you were going to be a prissy little princess, but you're just a shy little thing." She slaps her thigh giggling to herself.

She smiles for the first time. "I'm going to SCAD in the fall." It's only pride that makes her smile.

Leonilda toes off her shoes bringing her knees to her chest. "That's a pretty expensive school. I bet you had some kind of astronomical G.P.A."

Olivia studies her face, listening to the tone of her voice. It's isn't mocking just an impressed curiosity. She's never had a friend before. Nanny and Fitz don't exactly count. She rubs her chin then squeaks out. "It wasn't really that impressive, but I was valedictorian."

Leonilda's feet stomp rapidly on the sofa a squealing cheer leaves her mouth. Olivia's amused by the gesture.

She smacks her teeth an exasperated sigh seethes out. "Damn I wish I was as smart as you. All I have is my G.E.D." She mentions nonchalantly. Olivia doesn't miss the regret that puddles at her eyes. She covered the hurt with a look of flippancy. Stories people tell to make themselves a little more human. She wonders of the shame Leonilda owns. Does it sneak up on her like a thief or is it a silent force that brittles like a tooth ache.

Olivia is not sure how to make the moment light again so she gently pats Leonilda knee. It's an easy comfort and she looks to Olivia with a breaking smile. People are funny sometimes. Strangers are quicker to find your heart than a lifetime lover. "That's not a bad thing." Olivia says. "You can go to community college." Her words aren't much. Hope doesn't reside inside them. She continues on, "Trust me my life is far from perfect." She adds thoughtfully.

Leonilda nodded then spoke like a woman with a past full of broken windows. "I'm just doing this job so I can save up so me and my little girl can move out of my Mama's house." She huffs out a rueful smile playing on her lips.

Olivia finds Leonilda's face in all of the windowless girls that grew cement wings in Eatonton. She had promised herself those fast talking, hip swaying, neck rolling girls would eat her dust. It's shameful now when she thinks of it. Judgment is a tricky game of hopscotch. Her pity brightened when their flat sweet sixteen bellies ripened with a baby, she was them now. Albeit she had a handsome charming boyfriend with money at his whim.

She snaps out of her own thoughts. Her brow crinkles in bemusement. "You have a daughter?" She doesn't mean to sound surprised. Olivia perks up and flickered a questioning glance at her. All the whites of Leonilda's teeth showed she's smiling like heaven just opened up at her feet.

"Sure do. Aaliyah. She's my little angel." She whips out her phone scrolling for a few seconds then showing Olivia a picture of her and a gleefully smiling butterscotch child with roped plaits all over her head. It's a picture of love. For a spare moment Olivia can't stop looking at the image. All the butterflies in her body bloomed and fluttered at her ribcage.

Her hands shook so she laid them flat on her lap "What's that like?" She asks afraid of her own question.

"What"? She lifts her head from her phone eyeing Olivia with a curious stare.

She forces herself to meet her eyes. A shuddering breath creeps out. "Being a mother."

She pauses for a moment. A tiny smile crosses her face. It's a smile that is hard fought. "It's easier than I thought it would be. I was scared, but then I held her for the first time and it just felt right.

Uncertainty dangles like a forbidden fruit. She blurts out in a near whisper. "I'm having a baby." It sounds awkward rolling off her tongue like her tongue had been split in two. She had never openly admitted this to a mere stranger. Well they weren't exactly strangers anymore. They were going to be working together.

Leonilda giggles and for a second Olivia is pained by the casualness of her reaction, but Leonilda recovers quickly putting a soft hand to Olivia's shoulder. "Yea I sort of noticed earlier. Your face gives you away and that dress doesn't help either."

"I'm not really trying to hide my bump."

"Good. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

Olivia rises. She rises out the huts of her shame.

* * *

A/N: If this was confusing I want to explain that this is basically a continuation of the events of chapter 13.

P.S I saw The Outlaw Prophet trailer. JESUS! I feel god Tony. He lives inside of me. I know Warren Jeffs was a complete creep and disturbed guy, but Tony Goldwyn I'm separating actor from character majorly. Damn watching that trailer had me feeling like I was reading smut in a Baptist church. Dirty. Filthy and Unashamed.


	16. Chapter 134 The Cleanse

Trotting down the steps Fitz find himself headed toward the kitchen Fitzgerald and Gramps sit comfortably across from each other a bottle of whiskey taunting them both. Three shot glasses filled to the brim. A queasy shudder makes Fitz toes curl. He wishes to never taste another drop. Fitz aches in all the important places of his body, but he ignores the dull pangs. It will go away soon. He's taken two Tylenol's swallowed them down with a burst of orange juice. He grabs a banana from the top of the fridge peeling away he chews the potassium filled fruit. His stomach agrees.

It's quiet and he feels their inquisitive gazes falling on his back. He doesn't turn just yet he needs a moment. A moment that is all his own. He looks to the dishes lying haphazardly around. He clenches his fist he almost takes the plates and slams them into counter. Maybe doing so will help calm the nerves shooting away at him like comets.

It's the whiskey that brings them together. The kitchen table a meeting of clarity, but for Fitz its insanity. He takes a seat eyeing both his father and grandfather. He understands that this is really a punishment. They are fighting sin with sin. Each man takes a light sip and waits for the burn to subside. Fitz heart is beating and he flinches at the liquor brushing it gently across the table. He waves his hand in mock surrender. He watches his father gulp the bitter liquid in a matter of seconds. Fitz doesn't envy his liver. Gramps takes a few flirty sips before putting down the glass altogether.

A herd of hippie rebellion, stoic wealth and boyish charm it's a legacy that none them wish to commit to, but they are men. The curiosity of men with ego's the sizes of pennies and hearts ballooned to fit the earth. It's under the beam of lights that Fitzgerald see's the damage of his rage. Fitz looks to his father's knuckles they are perfect except for a few scrapes that will heal in days. He doesn't meet his eyes instead he looks to Gramps. Somber is the hint of emotion that plays on his face. Gramps cups Fitz shoulder. The touch is so simple that he almost cries out. He's mourning the affections of his father that got lost in a spiral of booze, whores and resentment.

Gramps takes his chin peering at the fresh black eye. He whistles and it sounds like a rocket. The tension in Fitz's body unwinds. He stills under their scrutiny.

"Fitz let this be the last time you solve any of your problems with a drink. Whiskey causes more problems than it fixes." He pipes up still inspecting his face.

A lone finger touches the ridge of Fitz eye. He exhales, leaning into the gentle brush strokes. Gramps is a magician in the arena of emotion but he does something so unexpected it's a miracle. He kisses Fitz temple with the faintest of lips. Fitz shuts his eyes for a brief time he's praying that the tears find a castle far away from his face. He opens his eyes again and Gramps is leaning forth giving him that whimsy smile. It's an affection his father can't afford. It's enough love for the entire world.

Fitzgerald grunts before licking his lips. "Dad don't baby him. He's a grown man for Christ sakes."

Whatever vacuumed place that dwells inside Fitz it sucks away every tear at the harsh bristle of his father's voice. It takes the reined in strength of a thousand men to keep his head from falling in a downtrodden fashion.

"He's a boy." Gramps admonishes turning his ire to Fitzgerald. "You're a mystery to me Fitzgerald if your mother hadn't been practically a nun I would assume she had an affair with Stalin."

A sheepish grin gives way on Fitzgerald face. He pinches the bridge of his nose. "Men don't carry on like that. He sniffles and your running after him with a box of Kleenex." Smirking he pours himself another shot of whiskey. This time he sips.

"Having a penis shouldn't disallow human emotion." Gramps is firm. He braces the edge of the table before wagging a finger in Fitzgerald face. Anger creeps under his eyes. Fitz was certain he had inherited a temper that rivaled violent contempt.

Gramps eyebrows edge to his forehead. "Fitzgerald I promise I will dust off my own fist if your ever hit Fitz again." The men stare each other down. The hushed intensity could toppled the table over.

Fitzgerald is the first to turn his gaze. Jaw clenching under the muscle of his cheek. "Dad you can't think I'm proud I channeled my inner Muhammad Ali. I get it I'm Hitler according to you and Fitz, but this I'm not worthy of the contempt." He replies neutrally.

"Damn it Fitzgerald you practically called Fitz and I wimps for showing a little honest emotion. I'm not exactly sure what your purpose is." Gramps voice softens. An uneasiness spew's lines on his forehead. Shaky hands smooth at his chin. He's a man burden with thought.

Befuddled Fitzgerald palms his forehead before gripping the table. The words swing and sway before springing into life off his tongue. "I want to tell my son I'm sorry, but I don't know how." He clears his throat. "I heard you yelling at Liv and it was like stepping into a time machine. I couldn't let you be me."

Moral dread sweeps in pins him to the wood of his chair "Dad." Fitz pleads fidgeting aimlessly.

Fitz runs his hands through his hair. The slow drag of emotions rush into him like a locomotive train. He's afraid to speak or are the words dead in his throat. He looks to his father a man on his own island. God how he wishes to swim the deepest of oceans just to stand alongside him.

It isn't hostility that cripples from the scowl of his voice what trembles is a floated remorse. "Olivia that brave sweet girl who fell in love with you. She's got the brunt of this mess and it is a mess and Fitz I'm sorry if you have to put on grown man shoes before you can walk, but don't you dare hurt her." His voice cracks lightly. "Don't hurt her like I hurt your mother." Hurt pinches the cracks in Fitz's skin leaving scathing marks that will bruise bone deep.

He does not flinch under his words. He doesn't let his eyes drop. "I'm sorry Dad." Fitz tries again. He pushes to mimic the strength that carries in his father's voice.

The weight of the silence doesn't crush it isn't even heavy enough to bend. Fitz fumbled with the banana peel before him. It's an easy distraction.

Fitzgerald face turns a fevered scarlet from his forehead to the lobes of his ears. "You're scared and you should be because I am too." The words clumsily spill out into a hoarse whisper. "I hit you and it feels like karma." The hard ice blue of his eyes mist. His hands work furiously to wipe away the tears. .

The strong hands of remembrance grip Fitzgerald in a choke hold. "I wasn't the best father I'll admit that. I was never the most affectionate, but Fitz you have to understand that I'm trying here." He says "Gramps has a sentimental weakness for your needs I was never that kind of man."

Fitz wants to touch his father's hand, do anything, but he's submissive to his own fear. He tries to understand who his father had become. The bruises, assaults, loves, and laughs that brought him to himself. The south beating through his chest his mother's sweet potato custard on his breath and whiskey a roaring dragon in his liver he falls in love with a sunflower of woman named Elaine. This is his father, but it isn't enough. How did he break shoveling all the good parts of him into a furnace?

Fitz clenches his fist. Confusion crinkles his brow "That doesn't make sense Dad. Gramps raised you."

"He did, but he was a different man then. I thought he was weird and I was ashamed of him. He worked odd jobs for awhile no one wants to befriend the guy whose father was once a clown."

Gramps smiles meekly Fitz squeezes his hand briefly. "I was a bit of a free spirit if you can imagine. I didn't want to succumb to my parent's wealth. It's pitiful honestly. Poor little rich boy who wants to join the circus." He lets out an ugly laugh.

For a moment he feels his father's and grandfather's pain. It isn't arctic anymore it washes over him in warm blades of glory. Eighteen years tick away like fireflies. He had been hiding from a monster with no fangs. A boogey man who was afraid of the dark too. Just a man with a bottle of whiskey and the blondest bombshell he could find. He puts his anger in a box and left it for another day. His eyes soft with a virgin's love he comes to face his father with his mother's smile and only eyelashes that make girls swoon.

Fitz mutters. "None of who you are makes you a man Dad. Your job the whiskey or the women, but taking Liv and I in it means something."

Fitzgerald nods offering Fitz a weak smile. The debris that's suffocates his heart will take a million man march to crucify, but it's a start. Fitz will never be his father, no that story is far to cliché. Fitzgerald will always be a puzzle to him and maybe he's perfect that way. He unshackles the little boy inside of him peeling away the sheets telling him the monsters gone now.

Gramps takes a deep breath, grasping Fitz shoulder. "Fitz you have all the privilege in the world. Privilege of wealth, maleness and your skin color. You've won the lottery and you didn't even buy a ticket."

Fitz rose from the table pouring a glass of orange juice. He doesn't return to his chair. He just stands leaning forward taking only light sips from the glass.

He sighs. "I'm going to be father in roughly seven months. Unbelievable right? He gulps down the lasting remnants of the liquid. "Gramps I have to tell you my privilege is the least of my concerns."

"That's exactly my point Fitz. You're a smart kid you know what the world is like. It's an unforgiving place. Look at that atrocity that happened in Florida with the Trayvon Martin kid."

"What are you trying to say Gramps?"

"I'm saying the world is different for you. Olivia isn't as lucky. They will throw stones at her and pity you and I've got to tell pity is a whole lot better. "'

What he's so suddenly sure of is his love for train rides with Olivia, holding her hand even if it's just them together in bed. Their kisses that began like two stars meeting at the scope of night but never ending like the universe. He's done dreaming of all the pretty brunettes who liked his smile but cut his heart like a cadaver.

He's always treated love like a ruby crafted out of the hands of God, but love fought back and spit in his face. It was really only his father's love that he craved, but Olivia, she is Jesus. He's at her altar moaning a throaty praise.

"Gramps what do I do?" He stands awkwardly a blend of thoughts stream into his conscious. He must know what happens in America. Genocides happen all the time if you play music too loud or look like a thug and jails are makeshift coffins. This is his playground and but he'd rather make mud pies instead.

"You two have to remember to be kind, tender and patient with each other, but also with yourself."Gramps pats his shoulder.

He wasn't snooping for wisdom, but like seeds the words took root and sprouted perfect lilies on his chest. Fitz isn't flying with infant bird wings. He's left with carved out truths.

Men are strangers. Men kiss their wives and rape women. Men fight with broken knuckles when confronted with bullets. He's not sure about fear. Fear is usually difficult pride.

A war has ended and he's left with dreams or shadows of nightmares. It all seems the same. There are no dead bodies, helpless treated like sexual cattle or even the piercing wail of a parentless child. What is left is a man with his war stories. Fitz is a boy, but he won't be forever.

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A/N: I don't usually write in the perspective of Fitz, but I felt it was a natural progression. I'm really into the honesty of how human's react and I want this to be as realistic as possible, so I didn't foresee a huge love fest between Fitz and Fitzgerald. That's not their relationship. Honestly though I struggled writing these chapters I wasn't sure of the tone, but I digress.

Also I hope I didn't offend anyone with the religious analogy aspect. I'm not exactly religious, but for those who are I apologize if any harm was done.

Sorry if these two chapters aren't Olitz heavy. I like exploring them outside of the confines of their relationships. I think too often fanficiton and the show makes them really codependent.

I must say every time I write I wonder when will it leave me, but I can't get enough of writing these two tragic delightful people. In some ways it's a form of self love. Writing keeps me sane. I have very strong ideas about what's to come next I'm excited.

As always your reviews are a pleasant treat. Just know I do see your reviews but I'm a shy. Let me know how you feel please be as constructive as possible. Growth in writing is my motive.

(p.s fitzgoldwin: Your glowing review was truly the sweetest praise. Your name though! So smart!)


	17. Chapter 135 The Slow Drive

**(All belongs to Shonda Rhimes)**

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She's found out that the moon holds no certainty it's just the glow beneath her bedroom window. It's docile and only comes out when the sun is tired. She doesn't want to be the moon, but the earth is boastful. She much rather be Pluto no one disturbs it.

_Is Your Mama a Llama_ lies at the small peak of her belly. She had nodded off twice since getting home from work. The flicker and fade of A Different World reruns blurs and she focuses her eyes on the television screen. The nasally voice of Whitley Gilbert makes her laugh. The comical humiliations are hilarious she doubles over giggling at the clever antics of the sitcom. She thinks about Leonilda and how her raucous wit feels like a godsend. The day was simple they had left work early fleeing to Yogurt Tap. She could still taste the lemon yogurt on her tongue.

She rubs her eyes for moment before sitting up and letting out a brief yawn. The book topples to the floor, but she's too lazy to pick it up. She relaxes under the embrace of the fluffy pillows. She reaches for the picture of her and Nanny on the nightstand. The photo had been taken when she was seven there she and Nanny stood in a warm embrace. Her unruly hair braided down in two pigtails and Nanny in a cherry colored sundress. Their smiles a bust of rockets throttled into space.

She remembers summers under the twinkle of fireworks the Fourth of July a picnic of community. Black faces tinted with an ecstatic breeze, honey barbeque on cheeks and popsicles liquid dripping down chins. She remembers summer because she likes the way the wind kisses her legs. Summer is where Nanny dwells.

She lets the photo fall to her chest and clutches it right beneath her heart. She doesn't let herself cry, because she's used to missing Nanny. It isn't something that goes away. A love that resembles chipped paint. Phone calls aren't enough. She misses her hugs and the coffee in her kisses. Eatonton suffocates, but right now she wishes to be out of breath just for mere seconds.

Slowly she curls her body into a ball and stuffs a pillow underneath her head. She closes her eyes, but she's not looking for sleep. She's looking for her baby's face. _Her baby_. It's an odd occurrence the fear that had beaten at her spine has withered into dust. June's slowly edging to a close and July will sizzles and that leaves her a month and few days in August to prepare herself. Prepare herself for what? The sneers, glares, and jeers. She's not sure. She'll practically be five months then. _Strong for me. Strong for baby. _

She doesn't realize that her strength is inherited.

The bed dips under Fitz weight. She stirs absently at his presence, rolling over she notices the comfort of his chest. He cups her chin and the palm of his hand is home. His eyes don't scold. They remind her of summers submerged under the crystal waters of lover's lake. She sinks beneath the current.

Her fingertips cover the edge of his eye. Admiring or marveling at the savagery of human fist. She caresses his puffed out eyelid her pinky finger skating swoops above his eyelashes. She drops her hand and lifts her eyes to his. The curve of his smile torches all the crooked parts of her soul. She's burned out. She unexpectedly with delicate velocity kisses the raven tinged pulp of his eye.

"Lookin a little gloomy Livvie." He whispers at the tip of her earlobe before kissing it. She buries her face into the beat of his heart.

"Your eye looks awful." She averts easily.

"Livvie." His fingers tangle in the delicate coils of her hair.

She doesn't think before she speaks. The words muscle out of her.

"I miss Eatonton." He notices the quiet lines of her frown and he wishes to unravel the desperation in her plea.

His arms gather her closely putting her body on top of his and she almost whimpers out at the familiar touch. She's been aching for this the blend of their bodies, legs falling into the cracks of other limbs. She holds tight the pinch of fingers grasping with all her strength.

Nanny told her to be careful of boys who lips taste like lightening. They shock you trampling every vein in your body turning them into electric double dutch. Whatever surges through your throat and quivers your lips its chaos of the mouth.

"What do you want me to do sweet girl?" He asks carefully tracing circles on her soft hips.

She blushes but hesitates looking for a way to speak with honesty. "Take me to see Nanny." She mumbles into the steady beat of his chest.

He feels the brunt of her stare without even seeing it. Her scars are his now and he touches them with only his tears because they carry the chants of loneliness. He's made of dreams.

"I'll do whatever you want." It's so simple and her tears dampen his shirt and he promises to never wash it again.

/

Night had passed and the trees whistled morning's arrival. New fears. Old fears. She hadn't decided which to conquer. It didn't matter. Sometimes the night would thrash her ambition, but this morning she woke up with a lover's blush.

Slowly she had folded three dresses and khakis and button downs for Fitz into a light suitcase. This weekend they would make Eatonton their playground.

Gramps being ever the affectionate made them a light lunch of peanut butter jelly sandwiches and sliced apples along with cartons of chocolate milk. It was a feast for preschoolers.

He kissed their cheeks and watched the dust pull them farther away.

Home is where they are headed, but was it ever really home.

Home isn't caked bricks under decayed cement. It's the tame thud of a rocking chair that lulls an infant to sleep. Home is where your mother is.

Home is a jump rope scratching the concrete lithe brown legs springing forth in a rhythmic daze.

Home is her child's heartbeat.

The stack buildings that invade the perfect azure of the sky fade into a highway trail of frenzied locomotive excess. The trees are dancing a limbo and Atlanta is eaten away by miles.

Gramps 1966 Ford F-100 curves into gravel dust the open road racing toward a place splintered with worn tomorrows.

Her head bops gently resting on Fitz rounded shoulders. She blinks and the concrete is a maze. He looks away from the road for a burst of a second. Smirking he kisses the curled edges that lay at her temple. A welcome sigh floats out her mouth. Just for today happiness doesn't seem like a dream deferred.

The Ramones blare out and Olivia nods along silently. The jingle rock resembles youth defiance. Fitz reaches to turn the dial but Olivia playfully slaps his hand.

She grins. "I like this song."

"Really Liv? I can't even make out what they are saying." He deadpans focusing back on the highway.

"You're so elitist. They are saying Sheena is a punk rocker. You would probably comprehend it if it was Marvin Gaye." She chastises.

"Of course because Marvin Gaye is indisputable and this is garage garbage."

She pinches his chin. "I didn't know you were such a music snob."

For that moment he smiles but he doesn't refute her claim, because it is so very true.

They crossed the roads that seemed less familiar and embarked on the streets going south. She peered out her window letting the wind tickle her face.

A million yesterdays and she'd still be trapped in the stillness of their lesser moments. The curve of his finger clutching her waist she fell in love with him in parts.

Its splices of madness the first time you fall in love. It's uncertainty in how long this love will last. Everyone dreams of that encapsulated moment of clarity that they finally get to stop the exhaustive search of true love. She hadn't imagined it would come so soon. She's just a girl with her mother's cheekbones and all the parts of her father that have diminished. And it's absolutely surreal to her to be traveling the boundless highway in her boyfriend's grandfather's pickup truck, but here they are.

She isn't a child, but a woman she's not sure what that entitles either. Her very own curiosity thrusted her into womanhood, but maybe it was carelessness and lust.

She pulls herself tighter to Fitz's body not leaving room for any hope of space. It's not a terrible weight to love someone. She swallows the bitter taste of all that she's endured it's hard to digest cement. She was the one with a rough calloused heart and he with tender fingertips told her to breathe with him. They will be ok because God envies their love.

"I love you." She whispers into quietness of the car. She's love him but she loves herself too.

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A/N: This really filler chapter I want to put all my effort into the reunion of Nanny and Olivia. I hoped you enjoyed this chapter as brief as it is.


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